How do you cope with 2 under 2?

[sleeveface]

Hi there, I'm soon going to have 2 under 2 and it's really quite daunting. When I got pregnant the second time I spent months thinking yes it would be hard but I will be fine, but now the date is looming nearer I'm actually thinking oh lord how am I going to do it?

DH is out of the house for work 11 hours a day all week, I don't work so I am primary parent which is fine I love it.

What id like to know is how do you do things like showering? (though I could do that before or after DH gets home or nap time if they nap together).
Mostly the thing I am worrying about most is trying to sort dinner for kids (though obviously the baby will be on milk for the first 6mo), and trying to sort out dinner for me and DH. He gets home fairly late so if I start to cook once he gets home we will be eating very late or it would have to be very quick dinners like ping and ding meals or frozen pizzas.
Also as he gets home fairly late I will be juggling all that plus trying to do bath and bed!

I know it can be done because single parents do it all the time, and other millions of other people manage every single day without moaning, I think it's just hit me now just how much work it's going to involve!

Sorry for the ramble! Any tips welcome!

I'm in same situation and due soon so will be interested in your replies 😁😁 Bricking it atm.

Aww lovely fluffybat! How much of a difference will you have? I'll have 14 months

Mine were 2.5 years apart and my dh was out the house for 11 hours a day. I did find it a lot harder having a baby and toddler than one, but i think it depends on the temperament of the kids involved. Dd1 was quite easy but dd2 was a bit of a terror and a bad sleeper as a baby. You might get an easy baby.

I found going out with them easier than staying in, so did that a lot. It gets easier as time goes on.

@sleeveface mine is a bit of bigger gap. 18 months 😊 Congratulations by the way. I just keep thinking in a couple of years it will be easy when we go on holiday and visit theme parks etc. Hoping they will be into the same things etc. I'm worried about things like cooking and housework!

Mine are 12.5 months apart, new baby is almost 3 months old. It’s hard, yes, but honestly not as bad as I’d thought it would be. First few weeks are a bit of a blur now but we all survived. Getting into a bit of a routine now and finding it easier to get out and about.

I usually shower after feeding ds2 before ds1 gets up at 7. Slow cooker is great for meals as you chuck it in in the morning and leave it all day. Ds1 finds it easy to eat as meat is so tender. I run about like a mad thing while ds1 naps trying to tidy/prep/hang washing out etc.

My motto is ‘everybody fed, no one dead’.....so far so good! It honestly will be ok!

You will be fine
I have 13 months between dc3 and dc4 (I also had a 3 year old and a 8 year old) it can be tough but just muddle through the best you can. I found being out of the house easier so would drop off eldest at school then head to a toddler group or any where they were contained. Home for lunch (or sometimes ate out) and a nap. Then back to pick up eldest.
Accept any help offered and if you can afford it get a cleaner for the first few months.

The only time of day that I remember struggling with was when DD2 woke from a nap and needed a cuddle, always at the same time DD3 seemed to want a feed. In reality it probably only happened a couple of times, but it is an abiding memory. We must have worked it out somehow, because they are now 14 and 15

Don’t expect it all to be a breeze, but know it will all fall in to place. Good luck!

Nervousseacreature I'm definitely stealing that motto! I love it

You'll be fine. Batch cook and freeze a load of meals while you are pregnant for those difficult early days.
Sometimes I batch cook a few meals on a Saturday morning when DH is home.
Use a slow cooker once or twice a week- do preparation first thing in the morning when your dh is still home or children are asleep.
Make food that it doesn't matter too much if it has a bit of extra time like casseroles.
I'd avoid anything that needs watching closely in early days.

Personally I'd say it's fine to sometimes put children in front of tv for a short time while you get food made.

Shower- put baby in bouncy chair next to shower. Toddler in playpen very close by.

I'm due any day with numbers 2, there will be 22 months between mine and dh works away Monday - Friday. I'm trying not to think about how I will cope, I'm glad I'm having a summer baby as it's much easier for toddler to potter around in the garden etc and tire her out. I usually get up at 5.30 anyway to get myself ready before toddler gets up, I will try and continue this hopefully if night feeds don't kill me first! Meals will probably be chucked in slow cooker or beans on toast for a while. Luckily I have my mum on hand and toddler goes to nursery twice awake so I plan to nap with baby while she's there. All good intentions but it probably will go tits up!

@sleeveface it’s great! if I’m having a bad day I keep it in mind!
If there’s any chance of you putting older dc in nursery/childminder I would! Dc1 goes to nursery one day a week. It’s a lifesaver sometimes - today I went to gp, had coffee with a friend, sorted clothes, did washing, tidied, hoovered, made dinner, caught up on some tv while feeding dc2.

Don’t know what I did with all the spare time when I just had 1!

I had a 19 month old ds when dd was born. My top tips;

• dp did all of the cooking of evening meals for 5-6 months. Dd seemed to need to be on me being cuddled all evening so dp cooked and I ate one handed! We bought a lot of stuff just to shove in the oven! If I had my time over I would have batch cooked and frozen more but Tbh being pregnant was shit and I couldn't be arsed!
• Do you go to many toddler groups now? We went to 2 regularly (still do!)and had got to know several of the other mums and cms . They were an enormous support to me. Always someone to hold the baby if ds needed me or help ds with his water and biscuit etc.
• Throughout my pregnancy I bought little toys and books from charity shops and second hand sales- anywhere I could get them cheaply. It meant that ds could always have a bit of something novel if I needed to bf dd.
• I made great use of my Close Caboo sling. It was a big help
• Accept any help offered. Friend wants to bring you a lasagne? Yes please! Sister wants to hold the fort whilst you have a bath? Yes please!
• I used to either shower when dp was there or put ds in his cot with toys and dd in a bouncy chair. Sometimes they both cried, but I showered anyway, just quickly!
• You will have good days and bad days. Some days you'll feel like super mum, sometimes you'll feel like a failure. You're not! Cut yourself some slack.
• For me having a toddler and a newborn was way easier than being pregnant with a toddler!

What id like to know is how do you do things like showering? (though I could do that before or after DH gets home or nap time if they nap together).
Make sure they nap together. If you just keep putting them down together they should get into that habit.
Mostly the thing I am worrying about most is trying to sort dinner for kids (though obviously the baby will be on milk for the first 6mo), and trying to sort out dinner for me and DH. He gets home fairly late so if I start to cook once he gets home we will be eating very late or it would have to be very quick dinners like ping and ding meals or frozen pizzas.
Make the same dinner for all three of you or batch cook. Then you can eat either with child or husband. Tbh whilst baby’s little you’ll probably want it early.
I have 3, 6mths, 2yrs and 5yrs it’s nuts but worth it. You’ll be absolutely fine, I was daunted pre baby but I’m used to our general routine now.

19 month gap.

Train the older one early - get them involved in getting themselves ready and fetching things for you for the baby etc.

I had a baby gate over their bedroom door . Baby In the cot and toddler playing in the bedroom when I wanted a shower etc.

Don’t cook different meals for the kids and you. There are some great things you can cook that the whole family can eat e,g Spagbol where you can just do the pasta when OH gets home.

Don’t sweat the little things, house work can wait.

You’ll be fine

Oh and I often stick ds2 in a sling so I can wash bottles/prep lunch etc for the next day with two hands. He tends to fall asleep in it

@InDubious For me having a toddler and a newborn was way easier than being pregnant with a toddler!
Definitely agree with this!!!

I'm 6 months in with a 13 month age gap and I'll admit the first couple of months are hard and I just muddled through as best as I could, but things are getting much easier now.

If you can have your older one in childcare for a day or two a week (nursery, grandparents, whatever) then do it, it's a lifesaver! I have 2 days where I just have the baby and I can get caught up with housework, go out and meet friends for a coffee, take the baby to a baby class, cook a meal etc. These are all things that are pretty much impossible when I have both of them!

Do some batch cooking when you have time and fill up your freezer. I also do a lot of easy meals (frozen fish you cook straight from frozen, with potatoes and veg etc).

Get a double pram and get out of the house as much as you can. I often just get up and go out in the morning, back for lunch and then they both nap if I'm lucky and then just stay around the house/garden until tea time.

Make friends with other mums who have young kids, and take turns having play dates at each other's houses. Much easier than trying to navigate some sort of soft play area with a toddler who's running around the place and a baby who needs fed.

It might not feel like it at the start, but it will all fall into place. It's hard but definitely worth it!

Oh and I completely agree that it's so much harder being pregnant with a toddler than having a newborn and a toddler. I suddenly had so much more energy as soon as the second baby was born!

I used to shower when they were in bed or before I got them up.

18m age gap here, they're now 1yr and 2.5!

I could never be get my arse out of bed to shower until they both got up, so when they did I'd have nice cuddles with them both in my bed then put the baby in the bouncer on the bathroom floor and have the toddler in earshot with the iPad.

In the early days before the baby had a proper bedtime I would normally wait till he was asleep and then try and do the toddlers bedtime. It didn't always work out and sometimes the baby would wake up halfway through so I would deploy the bouncer again and just transport him from room to room!

Being out is definitely easier, in the earlier days it meant the baby would sleep in the buggy and I could have some nice one on one time with the toddler.

I had a phase where the baby would ALWAYS want a feed just as I was cooking the toddlers dinner, those awful annabel karmel microwave meals are your friend sometimes .

I'm enjoying them both so much now and whilst the early days were tough it actually wasn't as horrific as I thought it would be, although my toddler did watch a disgusting amount of tv but it was only temporary!
Hello duggee basically was a third parent for a while.

Definitely just do very simple dinners for you and dh in the beginning, I mean REALLY simple, once they're both in bed you will not have the energy to do anything so get him to cook or just lots of nice ready meals.

Planning. Batch cook, freeze. Learn lots of simple but healthy quick meals.

Jamie's 5 ingredients is a good place to start.

Get a slow cooker.

Then just do the best you can.

I had 3 under 3 and my motto became, everyone fed and no one dead. It wasn't always pretty but we got through it. They're older now and it's fab as they really are the best of friends and all do come similar things.

Good luck.

And do all very similar things*

I wrote this thread the other day after a pretty horrendous few days and got lots of nice advice www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3250363-2-under-2-wtf-am-I-doing

I've found the adjustment really hard but I'm that unfortunate person who has a toddler that doesn't sleep well at night, doesn't nap in the day and has no interest in the TV. I also have a velcro baby who feeds every hour (she's only 5 weeks in all fairness!) hates a sling and screams bloody murder when she goes down, whether it's in the Moses basket or pram. She also often screams when you hold her or do anything to attempt to comfort her.

I just keep telling myself that in a few months I'll be through the worst of it. But these first few weeks - I've eaten when I can, fed the toddler ready meals/toast and left the house approximately 6 times, and never by myself.

15 month age gap, now they are five and six, it was hell if I'm honest. I don't remember much about when DC2 was a baby. My DH was also away everyday for about 11 hours, I still cooked and cleaned everyday, (DH has allergies so no convenience food). I got PND, all I can say is ask for help if you need it, and don't get to excitable about cleaning etc.) I know people on MN get cross when posters say sleep when the baby sleeps but I was so tired, I could, every afternoon between one and three I slept. If anyone iffers to help take them up on it.

I'm in the same situation- I have a 1yo and dc2 is due in 3 weeks.
I've prepared dh - he knows there's likely to be no housework done, no cooking from scratch in the week and unlikely that I'll be showered or dressed until he gets home unless we have visitors who will mind the babies for half hour...

Best to manage people's expectations I feel! 😂