Twin friend issues

[PhyllisWig]

My dds are v close to each other. They are in the same class (yr3) and have broadly the same group of friends. They seem popular enough and get party invites/no concerns from teacher etc but play dates are a bit thin on the ground.

My dh is a sahp and has found some of the playground politics tricky. He's not the most social of bods and struggles a bit. I v v rarely do pick ups but get on fine with the other mums when I see them.

To date we've had joint invites for both of them. One reason we think play dates are a bit scarce is because people feel they have to invite both (friends with twins have also experienced this so I think it is a factor if not the only one).

Dd2 is a bit quirky, rough and immature. She's going through a v emotional time at the moment and we can't quite get to what's bugging her. Dd1 is a bit more 'mainstream' and has recently got close to the girl who was her best friend in y1. This girl is a friend of dd2 as well but seems closer to dd1.

Well obviously dd1 has got an invite to tea for just her. We've made an excuse (semi legitimately but we could have tweaked plans to make it work) because we're worried dd2 will get really upset.

I feel uneasy about this as it's not fair on dd1, we want them to socialise more etc plus I think we've annoyed the mum as she does extend invites to us which dh often turns down. I did offer an alternate plan but they can't make it. But dd2 would be devastated if dd1 went and she wasn't invited.

How to handle? Any tips v gratefully received. I did think of having a word with friends mum to explain but I don't want them to invite dd2 to
Keep the peace as that's not fair on friend and dd1. And it will happen more and more.

I'd let DD1 go to the play date if it were me. It's hard on one of them either way but by Y3 they probably do need to be able to strike out by themselves a bit too. If DD1 ends up with a run of play date and DD2 has none, you may need a re-think but you've got to start somewhere. Could you ask someone over for DD2 while DD1 is away or is that not really a solution at the moment?
I've got a friend with twins (slightly older) - one is more sociable than the other by a long way and for years she kept them together as a unit but in the end I think felt that that wasn't fair on the one who would more naturally socialise.
Is the school big enough for them to be in different classes? Pretty much all the twins we know are in separate classes but the sets in the same class do seem to be more of an inward-facing unit.

Thanks for the reply. Could do separate classes if both us and school thought it would benefit but their school have a mixed year class and a single year class. The cut off is down to birthday and because they are January born, Dds have moved from one class to another each year so have effectively swapped friend groups each year with each other as the only constant. I'm loathe to move one for this reason.

Dh is going to have a quiet word with the mum and just explain we need to
prepare dd2 to be excluded then dh will take her out somewhere as a treat. Dh has just told me that both dds thought they were both invited whereas it was definitely only dd1 which makes it harder I think.