8yo needs me to go to sleep

[WaverleyOwl]

I thought he would grow out of it but my eldest, DS8, will not go to sleep without me being there. He is currently snoring on the bed next to me hugging my leg. Has to get carried through to his bed once asleep

We suspect ASD in him (and me, if that's relevant) and I don't know if this is part of it. He tells me he prefers being part of a pack (likes to think of things in terms of animals).

If we try to force it it becomes a huge issue that then involves his younger brother (who has also picked up on this "need" to be with mummy at bedtime).

It's exhausting, and all on me as daddy won't do. But any time we try traditional parenting techniques on him it backfires spectacularly. It doesn't with his brother, so I don't think it is us, if you know what I mean.

Any ideas?

I would start with making sure he goes to bed in his bed with you there.

Once he's used to falling asleep in his own bed, say you're leaving him for one minute but then will be back. Then leave him for 2 minutes etc. Make sure you always come back when you promise you will. Do it every night for as long as it takes for him to know you're always coming back to check on him. Eventually he will fall asleep in the short time you're not there... if it works!

Thanks, but we've done all that. It never sticks, like all the other parenting things that make sense but never work with him. He's 8 and still can't sleep without his brother. We have a lovely 4 bed house, they have their own rooms, but choose to share our single spare bed because it happens to be closest to our bedroom (odd house w 2 beds upstairs (ours and spare) and 2 downstairs, their rooms).

He has trust issues (maybe asd related) so if we said we'd be there and he woke up and we weren't it would set us back soo much).

Dog/cat to sleep in his room??

Maybe I should post this in SN Chat...

Dogs sleep with us, wouldn't want them to sleep with him if they need out during the night (odd house set up)

DS is similar he has attachment issues and so has separation anxiety particularly at bedtime but also means he doesn't much like activities out of the home (esp if I'm not there).

I still lie with him until he's asleep and he's nearly 8

How about setting him up in your room so if he wakes up he can see you sleeping? Brother too maybe but they have their own rooms to go to as well.

Or moving them properly into the room nearby as a sharing option so they have company

nice that sounds very like my DS. Hates doing things outside the house. I have to be there but won't speak while we are outside. In the house, completely different. Aggressive, controlling, doesn't listen.

milly, it used to be their room, but we all agreed last summer to give them their own rooms. Yeah, that didn't work.

Maybe we need to revert back to that.

Solidarity. My 8 year old still sleeps in my bed and holds my hand to fall asleep. I came here looking for answers!

Mine is severely dyslexic with sensory processing issues (but getting better with age), and all round very sensitive and and tactile, just cuddly really. I know this is of no practical help but I feel your pain if you're doing bedtimes yourself every night. I'm a single parent and sometimes wonder what it'd be like to have a child that slept in their own bed.

faceless you are not alone! My DS has sensory issues too. (tactile, proprioceptive). He mostly hates physical contact, except, ironically, at bed time. When he becomes a limpet.