How do you know if you have a good baby-daddy?

[Debbierocket123]

My boyfriend and I had the conversation about children. Right now, neither of us want them because we aren't married and want to own a house together before that happens. Another thing happened, recently he said to me "If we do have kids, you would be doing most the work because you work from home." I responded saying that we both have full-time jobs and the parenting would be 50/50, in fact, my hours are even longer than his so why would I be doing all the parenting? I can't rely on him to take care of our dog (I do all that as well), and he hasn't been treating me very well lately. Is it wrong to cut off our relationship because of how I feel now or do we stand a chance for a future together?

Walk away. If he's not cutting it as a partner now, do not bring a baby into the mix.

No chance. You need to run while you are still in a position where you can start a new life and have no ties to him.

Regardless of kids, how can it be wrong to end a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you well and can't be trusted to look after a dog?!

Yes, you stand a chance of a future together, but it would be one that does not appeal much to you right now. With you in the 'housewife and mother' role.

He is telling you how he sees his future family dynamic. If you don't like it, don't marry it. He might change, but don't hold your breath and expect only small changes and only when utterly compelled.

Why are you even considering

buying a house with
marrying
having a child with

a man who doesn't treat you well, can't be trusted to take care of a pet dog, far less a baby, and thinks you would be doing most of the parenting work?

Your values don't align in a major way. He isn't going to change so you'd be better off out of it and looking for someone who has similar values to your own.

Especially if he hasn't been treating you very well.

This guy is useless. If you have children with him (or even buy a house with him) you will suffer. You know that now - you know it'll end in tears.

On another note, please don't call fathers "baby-daddies." It's a really awful phrase.

Well. DH and I had this chat aged 22 and he fully expected me to have a career and he would do his half of the housework. And he does and did. We have been married 13 years now and together for close to 17.
Over the weekend he did batch cooking, laundry, did the bins, mowed the lawns, took them to the park while I did some cooking, changed the sheets and then did bedtime with me. Also hoovered the house and ironed uniforms.
This morning he made packed lunch for the boys, put out their breakfast stuff, before going to work and brought me a cup of tea in bed.
I breastfed the kids but he would wake up at night and help out and change nappies. He’s looked after them overnight if I have gone away on work.
I cannot imagine marrying a man who thought housework was a woman’s job. Absolutely not.

do people actually use the phrase 'baby-daddy' in real life???

As other have said, run away now. He has told you he won’t take care of his own child if you have one. You would be an idiot to stay and breed with this loser.

Also, OP, I think that given this man is your partner, and you seem to have been considering a future with him, be aware that you are using a term that has different connotations:

baby daddy

noun informal

the father of one or more of a woman's children, especially one who is not her husband or current partner.

"he is just a baby daddy"

"That man isn't my boyfriend, he's my baby daddy."

do people actually use the phrase 'baby-daddy' in real life???

I was once sitting in the public gallery of a court case, and prosecution barrister had to explain to the baffled RP-speaking judge what it meant.

And to answer your question, you know you have a good father lined up if you find someone who-

Makes you feel loved and appreciated;
Is generous emotionally, physically and financially;
Supports you and genuinely wants you to be happy;
Prefers time with you, his family, to time with friends down the pub or watching sport etc;
Can’t wait to have children but does not pressure you;
Is good with animals and takes good care of their own pets (ok fine if they don’t have a pet but if they have a pet they don’t take care of they are a bad person and need to go).

When the baby arrives they should-
Attend all pregnancy appointments;
Be gentle, loving, caring and provide endless foot massages while pregnant;
Quietly let you complain about the pregnancy for 9 months;
Absolutely be at the birth;
Willingly take the maximum time off work to care for you and the baby;
Take equal night wakings unless you’re breastfeeding in which case they make sure you get sleep in the day;
Do 50% of housework even if you’re a SAHM because SAHMs take care of their children all day;
Read to baby every night, bath baby, do drop offs, and on and on to teaching them to drive and helping them move into their first home they buy for themselves.

Will your current partner do all this?

' Is it wrong to cut off our relationship because of how I feel now or do we stand a chance for a future together?'

It's the only adult, responsible thing to do. My husband is not a 'baby daddy'. We are a partnership with mutual love and respect. Run for the hills! Do not procreate with anyone who thinks you should do it all because you're the woman. In fact, please work on your self-esteem before dating again. You're a target for cockwombles like your boyfriend.

If he won’t help you with the dog, he won’t help you with the baby. Don’t do it OP.

I can't rely on him to take care of our dog

That’s all you need to know.

I wouldn't get more involved with this man personally.
And please don't use that awful phrase. You mean how do you know if a man will be a good dad/ parent.

What part of your post makes you think the relationship has a chance of succeeding?

Baby daddy?

I thought that DH would be a good father because he has always been kind and considerate to me and others, including the dog.

If he can't be nice now a baby won't make him nicer. Don't do it.