Please tell me what I should do regarding DD1 learning to swim....

[ekra]

This follows on from a thread I started last week. DD reduced to tears in swimming lesson

She is 4 and a half. As a baby and toddler we went to parent and child classes for water confidence. After she turned 4 we started her in a Beginners class at the leisure centre. This class was without parents and basically was more water confidence, using floats at all times. Every week was the same and the teacher did not introduce anything new to the class of 6 children.

4 weeks ago DD1 moved up to a Level 1 class where they start to learn to swim. Last week the teacher told me DD1 was in tears each time she asked her to do something new. My DD is more like the size of a 3 year old. The other children in the class are aged 5 and 6 and have been in Level 1 longer. The teacher did not realise that DD was new to Level 1 so DH and I assumed she had been pushing DD too hard and was perhaps stern with her to reduce her to tears.

DD didn't seem overly bothered by this and went along happily to her swimming class last night. More of the same. She was crying and now says she doesn't want to go swimming anymore.

Now I don't know what to do. She's confident in the water with floats. She'll happily jump in and have water on her head and face. But she tells me she doesn't like sinking. I cannot see her in her Level 1 swim class - it is behind closed doors. But it sounds like the children aren't allowed to use any float aids at all.

I'm wondering just how do children learn to swim. Is my dd just too little to learn to swim or is she too scared?

I could change her to a more sympathetic teacher and find that she is still expected to try and swim without floats and DD will still dislike it.

I could cancel the lessons and try again when she is older and take her myself to keep up her water confidence.

I could pay more for private lessons but again, I wonder if I'll be throwing money away if DD isn't ready to swim.

I could buy float-suit and hope she gets better when we're in France in the summer and able to swim everyday for 2 weeks.

How do I know she is ready?

Someone tell me what to do!!! Please

((ekra's dd))

IMHO, I'd wait until she says she wants to learn. I'd definitely not push it right now, and I'd make sure she knows its no big deal not being ready at 4.5.

Because it isn't, it really isn't - of course some kids learn at this age, but not all by a huge long chalk. I learnt at about 5 or 6, when I felt like it, on holiday, and never had a stressful moment..if my dds want to do the same, fine

If she takes the lead, she'll feel more in control and less scared - and you can ask her how she'd like to go about learning then, give her all the above choices and see what she chooses!

erm, that would be the below-choices.

I don't want her to be miserable for the sake of something she could more easily do in a year's time.

On the other hand, I am a bit annoyed that one teacher has managed to destory dd's confidence in the space of two weeks when up to that point DD loved going swimming.

I think there is no point in making your daughter do swimming lessons if she doesnt want to.

If you take her swimming then she can have FUN and improve water confidence.

Rather than buying a float suit I suggest that you buy a swimming belt. It is cheaper than a float suit and if your daughter has a massive growth spurt it will still fit her.

www.swimshop.co.uk/recno/1/cid/HUSS51NU0VMHJY66XT74VOCZ1L40PYLW/product-WIN-Universal-Swim-Belt-UNIVERSAL.htm

Then you can use it with any swimming costume. I would also use the a swim noodle along with the swimming belt. Try to avoid arm bands.

www.swimshop.co.uk/product-Fun-Noodle-FUNNOODLE.htm

As she gets more confident then you could take the swimming belt off her and just have her use the swim noodle. Once she is happy to swim with the swim noodle then she will have the confidence to learn. The next stage is to use two floats and the swim noodle. When the child gets stronger the swim noodle is taken away and the child justs uses two floats, then one float and then the child is swimming properly.

This idea of not using any floats seems daft to me.

I would not pick classes where parents aren't allowed to watch. You learn a lot by watching you child's teacher.

Understandably! Its not been long, though - I bet she'll get her confidence back quickly if you just take a step backwards, eg stop lessons for a bit and take her yourself? Do something she's done before, and is fun?

Might it be possible to not make a decision re lessons yet, just take her out of them for a week or two and try going together, then suggest it again and see how she feels? She may just need a break, and to make her point (IYSWIM).

Something similar happened to my dd (3.5) with dance lessons recently - she had a misunderstanding/run in with the teacher, and was really upset. She felt bad, mistrustful etc - so I gave her a week off, then went and talked to the teacher in front of dd (so dd could see I'd done it) and asked for her help in easing dd back in. Seems to have worked.

Sorry - am rushing, hope that makes some sort of sense; just wanted to reply before going offline!

Can you sit in on a lesson and see what they are actually doing . I'd be surprised if they teach without any floats althgouh perhaps not all the time. If they really do find an alternative because their methods don't suit her or let her take a break (ds had a year or so of no lessons as he didn't enjoy it and wasn't progressing).

We've progressed from armbands/noodle to just noodle with dd(5) over the past 18 months or so and she is, after a year of lessons twice a week swimming . She is also small for her age and at first could barely stand up in the shallow end which spooked her for a while when she was expected to move around without any floatation aids. Do you have local intensive courses at half term or in holidays ? Taht can make a differenceespeiclaly ina small group or individually. For your holiday , buy stuff when you get there - it's cheaper and easily available.

My dd was an early swimmer, and we start lessons early. The pool don't start till 5 or school age if they are confident in the water, dd started just before she was 4. We had the reverse to you , because of her age she was not moved up the classes so therefore lost all intrest in swimming. I took her out of lessons and just took her swimming and build up that love for the water again. Then when she was ready we did 1to1 lessons. Didn't commit to them till she had had a few to see how it went.
She loved it and her teacher, it not cheap, but for me it was important as we live near lots of water. Came on leaps and bounds in a very short time. When she started school found getting the 1to1 lesson hard to fit around school so after a term of no lesson dd ask to start again. She now is in a class with mostly older children it's not to easy or to hard. She is very happy,just got level 5 badge age 6.1 and whats to join the local swim club so she can swim more times a week.
Go with what you feel is right for you and your dd. One thing is don't push the lessons if she is not happy. Sorry it a bit long

my DD went through a phase like this... i told her that we couldn't just "not turn up" so she had to go to just "one more lesson" and at the end we would tell the teacher she didn't want to come anymore.

of course, she wanted to continue. But by giving her the choice, it took all the stress out of it.

if she does want to stop, then i would and just buy a float back pack / jacket / woggle(noodle?) and have fun in the pool in the summer for this year.

Thank you everyone who took the time to read my lengthy post and gave a reply.

I like the idea of giving DD the choices if I let her know also what the consequences of each might be.

We are in the beginners class dd is 3 and I think she is about to be moved up to the next group she is the most confident in the water but I don't think she will want to move up yet, I think emotionally she is not ready yet, at our beginners we go in with the children the level 1 she goes in alone. She can swim with floats jump and sink under the water but I know she will not be happy going alone.
I know that they do the same things every week in the beginners class but could it be worht considering putting her back there as well as taking her yourself. She will still be getting the lesson type environment and you could work with her getting her up to the next stage. DD loves her swiming lessons and I will be happy to continue with the beginners group until she is ready for the next one.

We have decided to pull DD out of swim classes, Edam (if you recall my similar situation). The water is up to her chest because she is small for age and I couldn't learn to swim in water like that, either, if otherwise lacking confidence.

We'll take her back in about 2 years when she is taller, older, wiser, ready. Would just be torment for us all and a waste of money until then, I reckon.

Agree I would give it a break for now, make swimming a family activity and try to go regularly so she gets her confidence back and you can do some basic stuff yourself with her.

DD started when she was 7 a few months ago, she is doing better than 50% of her class most of which have been at classes for a year or even more.

She had bands on until a few weeks ago and has now reduced that to two rings.

It was unfortunate that the teacher didn't know she was new, they do have to shout a bit to be heard accross the pool and do have to be strict as they can't have kids mucking about in the water, plus lessons are usualy short so lots to fit in.

IME kids just swim. when you go to the pool regularly they just swim.

Ooh I know how frustrating this can be my dd3 basically got expelled from her swimming lessons because in my opinion they moved her up too soon and she would not listen properly at 3.5
she would do a bit of what told to do then turn adeaf ear --we have enrolled her in an intensive course over half term will see how she goes on.

With your dd agree with other posters and let it go at her own pace she is poss not ready for structured lessons yet

in a positive note my dd2 (now 6) has gone from not putting her face in the water at all about 6 months ago to swimming under water retrieving items from the floor and passing two more levels.

I would just experiment a bit. i live in los angeles and have a swimming pool in my back yard, so teaching my children to swim asap was not optional in my case. My ds who is now 6, but was 5 when he started these round of lessons (had others when he was younger) took to the lessons without a complaint. Dd was 3 when her lessons started and shrieked and cried all the way through the first 3.5 lessons. She hated putting her face under the water. The teacher was lovely and with a little coaching from me (explaining how to deal with dd), she calmed down and ended up loving her lessons. Then after about a year of lessons, the teacher was fired (for making passes at the mothers) and dd and ds got a new teacher. Ds was fine with the new teacher, but dd started crying in her lessons again and the teacher was telling me that he couldnt understand why she was in such an advanced class, because she could barely swim. I tried to explain to him that dd could swim perfectly well and just needed to be dealt with firmly. He just couldn't manage it. In the end I switched her to private lessons with another teacher and gave him the low down on dd (don't believe her when she says she can't do something and never ever do something to her without warning her that you are going to do it). She is now swimming perfectly well and not complaining at all.
All of this is to say that I think that you have to have a mixture of firmness and understanding with swimming lessons. And don't expect your child to take equally to every teacher. Luckily it's much easier to switch swimming teachers than school teachers!

Both my dc have had lessons in the local pool. For a time dd was not improving and I paid for her to have private 1:1, she came on in leaps & bounds. With hindsight I realise I should have had private 1:1 or 1:2 for both of them. In total I think I've paid £2,000 if not more on group lessons.

I thought you got a lot of sensible advice on the last thread.

Take her yoursself, every week and she will enjoy it and still learn and it won't cost anywhere near as much.

Swimming is fun and all she will remember is that it wasnt fun learning and never want to go again.

One of the techniques used to help children get over this fear is to make a game using sinking toys. You can buy weighted bright coloured rings etc that sit on the floor of the pool. Start with them on the steps of the pool, slowly moving them down a step at a time and encouraging your daughter to dunk down and retrieve them.
Maybe buy some and play this game on holiday while you are in France. It's a fun way to gain confidence.

Take her out of these lessons and find others that she is happy with and you can watch.

My ds absolutely loves swimming but hates swimming lessons as the teachers make him do things and just wants to have fun - his age as he too is 4.5.

I found a great place called splash happy where there is a mix of lessons and fun. it helps that he is out of his depth all the time so he can indulge in going underwater like a seal just by letting go of the side! Also one of hte teachers taight him a while ago on an intensive course and knows what suits hom so always makes it fun for him - last week when he did the whole width she did Hi 5 with him and he loved it!

So - keep swimming but ditch the lessons you cannot see. i don't think I would trust either of my two to a teacher where i could not see what was going on and react if I needed to ... Also you must miss out on all those proud Mummy moents - I was sooo proud to see 5 yr old dd do a whole length - 25 metres - last week

because she has been made anxious about it I would cancel all lessons. Make sure you go once a week just purely for fun so she sees it as fun and gains confidence back.

Then if you can I'd pay (next year?) for one to one lessons for her that you can sit and watch. We pay £9 for ds to have half an hour, one to one, and this has bought him on so fast that I think it pays for itself. Rather than paying for years of lessons I think we'll pay for about one year as he's already doing so well.

But I honestly think you don't need to worry for a year or two. Was it on your other thread someone said that kids don't get 'proper' swimming till nearer six anyway, so don't sweat it.

have not read all posts except op but thought i might say, my dad taught me to swim, at my own pace, nice and relaxed.
i intend to teach both boys myself when they are older.