DS is 9 and in year 4. For context at school his behaviour is good - odd bits of silliness, but nothing that isn't dealt with swiftly by the teacher. He is well thought of and is considered to be a helpful, responsible child.
At home it is a completely different story - on a day to day basis there is constant low-level defiance, refusal to do what is asked of him and random almighty temper tantrums which generally blow up out of nowhere. He also takes treat food from the kitchen, then lies about doing so when confronted about it. This morning he took one of his brother's treats, then denied doing so. He then had an horrendous tantrum over his packed lunch, which he proceeded to throw in the bin. He also knocked over and damaged several flower pots in the garden when I told him he would have to have school dinners again.
I am really at a loss of what to do - I am a complete failure as a parent - this must be my fault. But the household can't live on a knife edge waiting for the next thing to happen that sets him off, yet that is precisely what we are doing.
Has anyone been through similar?