Tell me you had days like this with a newborn?

[Shabeth]

First time mum here with a 3 week old DD. She's absolutely perfect and I can't believe how in love with her I am, some days I'm really positive and happy I love my new life and feel like we're getting the hang of things and I don't feel too exhausted.
Other days, like today. I feel like I can't breathe, I cry all day at absolutely nothing and I'm totally overwhelmed. I have an amazing husband who is so helpful but he works 4 on 4 off with 3am starts so when he's working I do everything at night. I'm breastfeeding so when he's on his days of he does all the nappy changing.
I'm very lucky in that it only takes an hour or so to get her down for the night and when she does wake for food (every hour and a half at night every three hours in the day!) she eats and goes right back to sleep.
I struggled to bf at first and it's still quite painful but I'm getting through it which might be part of it but I need to know does it get better? And when! Days like today I feel like I can't enjoy this perfect little baby we wanted so much.

It is really tough some days, you are definitely not alone! The early weeks are particularly brutal as you both get used to each other. It does get easier and at some point sooner than you expect you will find you are dealing with everything like its second nature. Would be worth having a chat with your health visitor in case there it is start of PND. I found getting out the house every day really helped, even if just to the shops. Find out what groups there are in your area and meet some other mums. That's definitely what has kept me sane the last few months!

Yes. It gets better, it really does. You're at the hardest bit now but hang in there, keep doing what you're doing and it will get a lot better. If you feel comfortable doing so experiment with feeding lying down. The first time I realised I could do that I wept with relief.

It's hard hard hard in the early weeks but it does settle down

Oh OP, you are definitely not alone! I totally get what you are talking about. It is so hard, and one of the hardest things is that no-one talks about it being hard, so you think you're alone (in a great book called "Backwards in High Heels" this is referred to as "the great conspiracy of silence"). Often everything falls into place around the six week mark. Until then, know that it is ok to have days when you don't make it out of your pj's, weep into your cuppa and define a shitty nappy as a major success.

Yes yes and yes. Totally normal ime . Your hormones are all over the shop, you're tired, your life has changed massively. It takes a while to get used to/settle down. Well done on the bf. It was just about 4 weeks for me before I stopped getting pain on latching. Congratulations on your baby, you're doing a great job.

Today I went outside with my top on back to front and my 'baby' is 4 years old. You sound like you're doing fine.

You sound like you're doing fine. Bf is really hard at first though you are getting to the end of the hardest part.

I felt that it improved for me at about 6 weeks (though they have a week long growth spurt around then so be prepared with ready meals/chocolate/boxsets/whatever).

Also a big improvement at around 4 months which was when I stopped feeling claustrophobic with feeding.

A few things that might help:

• get in touch with your local la leche league and go to a meet up if you can as they'll be able to help with any pain while feeding and tend to have more time and experience than health professionals
• get and read a copy of "the food of love" by Kate Evans if you don't have one
• if you aren't co sleeping give it a try: guidelines on safe cosleeping can be found at www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
• know that you can spend some time away from lo if needed; a couple of times I drove to McDonald's and bought and drank hot chocolate before going home. It wasn't much but it was enough.

Good luck

Yep. When my dp went back to work whenever the baby was asleep I would sit in the bathroom and cry my eyes out so I didn't went her up. It went on for a week and then just disappeared. It was the strangest feeling

Thanks everyone, after dh bringing me some dinner and bath time with the baby (which she loves) I finally managed to get through all your replies without sobbing. I knew it was going to be difficult but I didn't realise I'd be feeling like this I have friends and family with young kids but no one talks about what it's really like!
We have a next to me crib which has helped no end, after feeding I just lay her down and she usually settles herself. I do feed laying down but only when my husband is there to watch me. Its helpful just to know I'm not a terrible mother for not being over the moon all the time.

I feel over the moon when I go out for coffee with no children 😂😂😂

I had a day like this about 3 weeks in when I was sobbing “I feel like she hates me!” Because she wouldn’t settle, I was sleep deprived and feeling generally crap.

It really does get better after the first month, they’re more interactive and start to sleep more at night.

Re the BF I had pain issues at the start (and it didn’t help that everyone told me I shouldn’t) and said I would BF until she was 6 wks. At which point it got better and I carried on.

Only thing I would say is if you want LO to take a bottle in the future then introduce early and keep giving. Me and other BF faced bottle refusal at 4 months now, whereas combi fed mums had no problem. (Obviously expressed if you are EBF).

You’re only 3 weeks in, you’re doing great!

Do you have a breastfeeding drop in centre near you? I went to one with the loveliest ladies, I had tea, biscuits and a bit of a cry and they reasurred me I was doing a good job. Made a world of difference.

A little thing I think I read on here is to mark a big smiley face on the calendar every time you have a good day. Then when you’re having a shit day, go and look at all the smiley faces and remind yourself that there are good days and they will hopefully become more frequent. It’s easy to get bogged down in the early days as they can be a bit of a grind.

It's such early days. At 6 weeks she'll start smiling, which helps loads! At 3 months I found I got in to my swing and we started going to baby groups.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone if you need to. It's such a massive life change but things will get so much better.

God, I cried so much in those first few weeks. Breastfeeding is hard, and it really takes it out of you. Plus you're sleep deprived, your body is recovering from a massive event, the world and his dog wants to visit, but to see the baby not you.

I felt tired, miserable, grubby (I think I showered every third day in those weeks) grumpy, constantly starving, and like I'd gone from being the centre of attention to being invisible, plus I had just started to realise that the baby was a permanent thing. My boobs were so sore I couldn't even bear to put the towel on them after a shower. I ached in places I never knew I could ache. The baby cluster fed. Oh and I got mastitis! So no wonder I cried a lot!

My ds is 4 months now, and currently snuggled up asleep on me. It does get easier I promise. I even have moments of thinking I know what I'm doing, fleeting as they may be! Breastfeeding sort of clicked at about 6 weeks, and the pain eased massively. And the hormones settled down and I got better at napping. My advice is to take all the help that's offered, and be very very kind to yourself. And to remember that your baby is still learning how to be a person, and at the moment you are the absolute center of their world. Cuddle them as often as you can, and let the rest of the world wait.

I thought I was fecking superwoman for the first two weeks of DD's life. Didn't see what all the fuss was about, she just slept and ate, and didn't really cry much. The house was clean and tidy and I made loads of nutritious hot meals because I was so bored because she was asleep all the time. Breastfeeding was painful but easy.

Then as the first two weeks ended she woke up...

Suddenly just as all the adoring visitors had left, the novelty had worn off and I had waved away all offers of help because I Was Coping Really Well she woke up and became a colicky nightmare of a baby who didn't really like breastfeeding all that much (or me either most of the time).

Suddenly it all just felt a bit overwhelming and I sobbed and sobbed for about 2 days.

But then it got better again, I mean she still screamed from about 4pm - 10pm daily and it was horrific, but I got used to it, it became routine and normal. Not pre baby normal but definitely an acceptable and doable normal.

Shes 16 months old now and my absolute best mate. I've also almost forgiven her for months 2 through to 8 (when she finally slept through the night).

DC2 will be along in the next few weeks to put an end to our current normal... so thats going to be interesting.

The moral of the story is that even with a nightmare non sleeping baby life can still be okay enough again to get knocked up with another one when the first one is still 7 months old. Take from that what you want

I've been going to a feeding support group on a Friday and they're so amazing there I feel really good during and I can get a good latch until I get home and it all falls apart. It's just so painful and she struggles to do it at night which is when I'm most easily stressed.
Had a good night last night and a good day, the problem is a good day means I don't nap because I'm getting stuff done. But then I hit a couple hours before bed and I'm dead with the idea of a night where I'm woken every hour and a half and I get upset again.
Love the idea of marking the good days! It's so easy to let the bad days take over, you start believing they're more frequent than they actually are.

One of the things that has made a huge difference to me, and some days are better than others, is to stop trying to get stuff done. There are things that need to be done every day, and there are things that can wait. There are also things that only you can do, and things that someone else can do.

You are the only person who can breastfeed your baby. You are also the only person who can recover your body and mind from pregnancy and birth. My dh has to tell me several times that those were my most important jobs, but I've got a lot better at accepting that, and if that means taking a nap in the afternoon, and someone else doing the washing up, or it waiting for the morning, then so be it.

I do still feel guilty sometimes but then I remember that I'm singlehandedly keeping a small human alive and the washing up seems less important! While you're still getting the hang of breastfeeding, let that be your main focus. Make yourself a nest on the sofa, load up on snacks and water, and bingeworthy box sets. It will eventually become second nature, but at the moment it's like learning to drive, except the car also has to learn how to go. So it's absolutely fine to give it all your focus until you're confident.