Normal 4 year old behaviour?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have a son who was 4 last month and he will be starting school this September. He’s wonderful in many ways but obviously he can have his challenging moments too.

When I picked him up from his childminders house tonight and asked how he’d been she said that he’s just got a lot of energy, he sometimes runs off, he doesn’t listen and when they’re at group when everyone is sitting down having stories/songs etc my son won’t sit and join in because he just wants to run around. She said it needs to be addressed before he starts school which of course I agree with.

Is this normal 4 year old behaviour though or should I be concerned?

He’s the oldest child at the childminders (the other are 1-3 years) and I know when they go to groups they are aimed at the younger children so I did wonder if the songs and stories are a bit too ‘babyish’ for him (from his perspective, not mine) which is why he doesn’t want to sit and join in?

I know he can be bad for listening at times, and yes he is a bundle of energy, but I don’t know if I need to be concerned about this in case there are any developmental problems. The childminder didn’t say she was ‘concerned’ about his behaviours but it’s still got me panicking a little.

Does he go to a preschool as well as the childminder (as I know that some children get dropped off and picked us from preschools that are joined on to schools). If so, they might have more of an insight into how he sits.

My daughter is still 3 but goes to school this year, we go to a couple of groups but she's less interested in sitting now she's one of the older ones but will sit in the preschool 'lessons'. She enjoys the groups as she she's her friends but I think it's a bit samey for her as she's being going all her life!

I think the structure of pre-school/nursery helps with this type of thing but he will learn pretty quickly in reception. I won't worry too much but focus on the skills he'll need for school - toileting, getting dressed/undressed, putting shoes on, choosing lunch, getting his own drinks etc.

He’s been with childminders since he was 10 months old except for a short stint in pre-school. Last September I decided to put him into a pre-school purely because I felt like I should but his behaviour really deteriorated whilst there so after 6 months I took him out and put him back with a childminder.

The one he goes to now is a different one to the childminder he went to prior to pre-school. Before pre-school we’d never had any behavioural problems, nor had the childminder, but pre-school seemed to send him a bit wild and things were getting worse, not better and so we took him out.

After being placed back with a childminder this February my son calmed down and his behaviour really improved again but over the last month or so he’s really started playing up again. He’s definitely pushing boundaries.

I thought it was just typical 4 year old behaviour but now I’m worried it’s something more than that. Another woman I know, who I go to soft-play with a few times a month as her son is the same age as mine, has previously asked me if I had thought of getting my son assessed for ADHD because he was being super exited on the bouncy castle and generally running around like a maniac. I wasn’t quite taken aback when she said it.

I think that’s why I’m a bit worried.

Mine did this, almost 4. To be honest he is a tad odd though. But a lot if children do this surely?

The ADHD children run around like maniacs trope is a bit silly too. People have all kinds of misconceptions about energetic kids.

I know - I thought most 4 year old would be happy and laughing on a bouncy castle and generally just running around in excitement?!

My son kind of functions on a “I will only do something if I want to” level, therefore if he doesn’t want to be part of a striker reading group then he won’t just sit and br quiet, he will run off to find something else to do.

Sitting down and following rules is practice combined with a bit of herd mentality and praise and reward. Given that he's not really had much exposure, I wouldn't worry too much.

Did pre-school discuss any concerns with you?