New Mum of 2, feeling like Mum of 20

[MINIThaMinx]

Ok slight exaggeration but my LOs are just over 2 years apart, youngest is 3 months and I’m finding it a lot of work. The 2 year old is home from nursery 2 days a week and I’m regretting not leaving him in full time. I feel really bad to say it. I just don’t feel I can do fun things coz baby needs me so much plus I still get tired from being up at nights and with the terrible 2s happening as well I just don’t enjoy it and can’t wait for the days when he is at nursery and they don’t last long enough! How do you Mums manage with two at home and what kind of activities do you do? I try to go out but even then recently he refused to go to playgroup and kicked off and we had to come home.

It is hard! I have a 2 yr 3 month age gap. My DS is nearly 3 and DD is 7 months. DS does 2 mornings a week at nursery.

Mostly we try and have a morning activity, so seeing friends, library, play group, going to park etc. The baby sleeps a lot and the toddler is occupied. Im very lucky in that I have a great group of mum friends with similar aged kids so we all get stuck in which really helps. Then home for lunch, nap (or quiet time as naps are rare these days) and in the afternoon we usually stay at home or just go to the park nearby or we do things like go to the supermarket

At home we do various activities. Tv or iPad sadly is a big one, but needs must and sometimes I just need him to be still so I can sort out the baby. Also puzzles, play doh, just general playing with cars etc. we have a garden so he can be out there with his slide and sandpit. He’s recently got more interested in arty things so he loves a stamp set I have and will occasionally colour in (for about 30 seconds). Sometimes bath time kills half an hour or more and saves the hassle in the evening.

But yes it’s hard. Everything is hard when you’re sleep deprived! Hang on in there

And in case that came across as smug - there are days when I’ve had to drag my toddler home from play group or whatever due to bad behavior, and days when we have literally watched the tv all day in our pjs. This time period is mostly about surviving and Everyone has those days

18 month gap here.

I found the first year very difficult and tbh I think I had undiagnosed depression. But life is so much easier and more enjoyable now. The youngest is 2 in August and they both play together (and squabble) and it truly is lovely for the most part.

I did find getting out most mornings for an activity or trip to the park helpful and after a few months I managed to get them to nap together and this really helped me.

My biggest advice is to lower your expectations. Go with the flow. Go easy on yourself. It's fine to have quiet days indoors. And lastly, it will get easier.

16mth gap here. I went out every morning (literally left the house as a bomb site and walked out with 2 screaming kids). Park, playgroup, library, met friends, play centre, music class...

Baby eventually slept in pram, toddler got out and about, I got fresh air/sanity, and everyone was happy. Afternoons were colouring, toys, attempting housework, TV, garden etc.

3 months is still young and early days. You have to find a win every day, and remember that having 3 people alive and fed at the end of the day is a win!

I have a 2 yr gap with mine, I don't remember much of the first year I think I was mashed but now they are older, it's great so much easier . Take it one day at a time, do nappy changes at the same time. Watch movies and nap. It's okay and you will be fine x

Thanks for your replies that really helps and gives me some assurance! I forgot to add about the tv and iPad but it does help. I’ll take all that on board, I think getting out and about will help to break the day up x

There's a lot of attention on first babies and how exhausting that is but I think the second is much more tiring because you can't do the sleep when they sleep thing. Just remember it won't be like this for long - although it feels like it now. It will get better.

I had a just under 2yr gap. Eldest didn’t do any preschool until he was 2.5 and even then it was only one morning a week until he got his 3yr funding. A good sling was my saviour. Baby would happily nap/be settled between feeds in it and I could follow DS around at playgroups/library rhyme times/Park/shops/friends houses etc in the morning and then home for lunch. He still napped after lunch at that point which gave me a break and we would have quiet afternoons playing/pottering/chores at home. I may be remembering it through rose tinted glasses but i feel like it was a really lovely time. Things got more challenging as DD fit more mobile but then easier again once they stop trying to milk themselves every 2 mins. They are now 2 and 4 and although they fight and bicker things are great and we still use a sling at some point most days!

Thanks for all your advice. Since my first message I’ve found things a lot easier now. Probably because the baby is older but also I’ve found my way a bit better and have put less pressure on myself. We go to a playgroup in the morning or do a trip to the shops in town and come home and have lunch and then chill in the afternoon (or do the shopping then especially if I find myself feeling sleepy). If the tv is on it’s ok and I’m not as bothered with ‘structured tasks’, I just let my 2 1/2 year old play! Oh yes and I got a few more fun creative things for him to play with which keeps him occupied for hours too