oh damn, I've just spent 20 mins yelling at ds and the dog

[clumsymum]

DS is going thru a difficult spell this week, won't do anything he is asked, been in trouble at school 2 days, it's getting me down a bit.

Tonight I fed the dogs, then let them out into the garden. Told ds it's bed time. He came into the kitchen, saw one dog at the door, opened it to let her in, and called the other dog. I said "Leave Posy, she'll be busy doing a poo". DS called her again, I tyold him to leave her alone, he went out and fetched her in. I asked why he didn't do as I asked, he shrugged and went up stairs. After we have been in the bathroom to get him washed (about 10 mins) I discover said dog has pooed in the hall, the living room and MY BEDROOM.

So I'm afraid I lost it, shouting at him that I told him she needed to stay out, he made her come in, and now I've got all this to clean up, he never does as he's asked, I'm fed up with it, blah blah blah.

He laid in bed reading, occasionally saying "I'm sorry OK?" in an insincere kind of way, while I ran up and downstairs with newspaper and buckets of soapy water, yelling at the dog as well as ds.

So now he's in bed, lights out and we haven't had the snuggle I try to have with him every night, cos I think I might have smothered him. The house smells like a midden, the dog is sulking and I feel like a bl%%dy rotten parent.

And DH says he hates spending 4 nights a week in a hotel on his own? I'd swap.

How do I get DS to do as he's asked WHEN he's asked? He's being really bad over this this week.

This might be a bit left field, but do you think he'smissing his dad?

how old is he?

Well possibly Skibump, but he is used to dh being away, it's been going on for 2 years now.

We have had a break in routine recently (on holiday end of April, then away for an 18th birthday perty last weekend) and it might be that. But it feels like he's 7 going on 18...

Does the dog sleep with him?

No, colditz, never.

He was just deliberatly defying me.

In this situation I'd make it clear that the consequences of him disobeying you - and doing something so daft - are that he helps you clean up he poo until every last bit is gone and it's all clean, then he can go to bed. (Too late for tonight I know - but next time.) It's not a punishment, but helping him understand the actual consequence of what he did and that he has to take responsibility for it - far more use to you than the insincere sorry. Also would actually make you feel better as you wouldn't be left with all the work.

Snowleopard

I'm rather afraid that may just result in dog poo being spread more liberally round the carpet ....

I understand your sentiment tho, the theory is good.

Writing here and slurping a glass of red is helping me to calm down. Dog now laying looking up at me sorrowfully (stupid soft thing ....)

We really need to get ds back on track tho'.

Of course he said he doesn't love me as I turned his light off. I told him I love him very much, but don't like him much when he won't do as told.

Off to get a re fill

, you must feel rubbish, but if you really were an awful parent you wouldn't care. Sounds like you need a chat when you're both feeling better, and see if something's bothering him. Beware tho, if he finds it difficult to tell you he my talk when he thinks you're not listening..difficult

Stinkypete,

Sorry didn't reply, ds is 7 and a half

Sorry you have all this hassle Clumsymum. You are NOT a bad mum, just a stressed one tongiht. To be honest I can't imagine any parent not losing it over a situation like that. I am sure that, despite all my good intentions and beliefs, I would have shouted too.

Is he still awake? If so you could pop in and say good night and give him a qucik goodnight kiss.

Do you have any form of behaviour/reward systemm going on at the moment? Do they/Have they worked in the past? Just an idea.

How is he at school? Is the behaviour thing just at home? Is he different when it is jusy you and him, compared to when Dh is around?

Take care and enjoy that wine. Tomorrow is a new day and all that.

Hi Hula, cheers.

DS has been in trouble at school 2 days this week, so it's not just at home.

Last night he was a real pain at home with me, so much that I asked dh to speak to him on the phone, and they discussed how he should be.
TBH he had a much better day at school today, and was OK with me until he insisted on calling the dog in. So even more unfair that I exploded like that (but I did struggle to get the dog housetrained in january, she is a rescue dog, and no one had managed to housetrain her before).

Rew ard charts etc impress ds very little. He normally earns computer time. This evening's debacle occurred after he'd been playing on the computer. I have said that further disobedience willmean he can't go to a birthday party on saturday (gulp)

Fortunately ds is very sound asleep, but i'll give him a cuddle when I go up, and again in the morning.

As you say, tomorrow is another day.

Thanks Speccy.

Yes I'm sure ds is trying to wind me up atm.

Funny thing is that at weekends he often tries to wind up dh. It's as if he likes being in trouble. Believe me, he doesn't lack attention the rest of the time.

How are you feeling today clumsymum?

Oh, OK thanks Hula, despite the fact that ds came in to me at 7 this morning, trying to pick a fight about his use of the computer.

Apparently we have 'ruined his life'. This is because he found a website last week called Habbo. It is aimed at teenagers, and when I had a look at it to check it out, some of the chat was inappropriate for a 7 y.o.

So I explained that it wasn't quite right for him until he is older, and blocked it on his PC.
Apparently that is why he is being so unco-operative. So the umpteen computer games he does have, and the websites I have carefully selected for him are not adequate.

I have told him that unless he sorts his behaviour out, the computer will go completely, as it seems to just cause trouble.

Oh dear I agree; looks like any computer use might be the next thing to question. At least short term.

Good luck!

I have already made computer time conditional on not getting into trouble at school. Any trouble at school, no PC that evening.

If I ban it completely I lose that lever.

I think I might have to revert to earning 10 minute slots, as we did a while ago. Oh, I feel the need to make a chart coming on again.

First - all parents go over to the dark side now and again - forgive yourself, but if you really feel you have behaved badly then apologise and explain yourself. I don't know if this helps, but i have noticed that when my daughter does not watch any tv, her behaviour improves. She does not have troubles, but I know if she watches alot of tv, her behaviour is terrible. Also, I know I am a cranky cow if i have too much sugar..