How does your 3.5 year old go to sleep?

[Bytheseabythesea]

We've been muddling through and got to a point now where we go up to her room after dinner/play, get in to pj's, then do three stories, brush teeth, then after lights out one of us lays with her until she's asleep, having a little chat and then encouraging her to settle down. This final. It can take up to 45 mins, depending on how tired she is, and it now really eats into our evening. DH has a new job with a big commute so he's knackered.

How do we get to a point where we do stories, then say a quick goodnight, then she just drops off by herself. Is this realistic at 3.5? Should we introduce audiotapes or something?

We also have new DD 3 months old, so I was wary of changing things much. Also means I'm so tired I may be making a mountain out of a molehill or massively overthinking this.

Mine are 2.9 and 4.5. From being about one they have had the same routine, bath, downstairs for either a bit of tv or a game, upstairs, teeth, bed, 2 stories, 'night night', leave.

The routine for my 3.8 year old is pyjamas, teeth, books (3), then lights out. We used to then leave but in the last month or two he has stopped self settling and keeps calling me back into the room. Sometimes I pat him for 5 minutes and then leave, other times it seems impossible to leave and I end up lying on the floor until he falls asleep (can take ~30min). I'm not exactly happy with how things are at the moment, but feel guilty just leaving him as he hears me go to resettle his baby sister once or twice every evening, and he also knows that she cosleeps with us...

Ds2 (now 5...) loves company and is a night owl. He already shares his room with his sibling so isn't on his own anyway.

Some nights I check on him and he's turned the radio on and is hugging it!

I used to find music useful for many, many years before DCs as my brain is quite busy and rambles on and music would fill the gaps in a relaxing way.

It was DH's turn to do bedtime last night so after the last story he turned out the light, had a little chat, then said she should lay down and try to go to sleep and he would check on her in a little while. She did try, then shouted for him, so he went in and told her the same, and she tried again for q few minutes. Then she shouted again, and he went in. Then he didn't come out for 45 mins and when I put my head around the door they were both asleep on her bed! So not an ideal first attempt... My turn tonight. But DH is out so I'll have the baby too so who knows what will happen. I'm pleased we've resolved to start this though. Thanks for sharing all your routines and stories.

Could you get a visual timer (eg. an egg timer), and tell her that you'll be back in 5 minutes? Then gradually extend the time?

Upstairs at half 6 for bedtime.

Dad then does Pj's on and a story then it's kisses and cuddles and goodnight.

He does try it on occasionally but we try and be quite firm in telling him it's time for him to sleep now and we will see him in the morning. My husband is much better at this than me (he's my last and I'm a pushover with him 😬)

I would personally pick your method of attack and then stick to it, your LO will eventually get the idea, might take a few annoying attempts though.

Good luck tonight OP!

Our 3y9mo will go to sleep on his own but it takes longer and seems to make him more prone to nightmares/waking up and getting upset that we're not there. So we tend to go with the flow and stay until he's asleep.

A quick update: she's got the message about trying to sleep by herself, and tonight, after shouting a few times for DH, she chatted to her toy dog for a bit and then dropped off! I'm amazed really, although we've been consciously trying to do more physically tiring stuff during the day. The nice weather has really helped, she's had lots of fresh air. I'm sure there will be set backs but I think we've made a big change too.

That's great!

Just be consistent, have some expectations about her capability and communicate those expectations during the day too.