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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this a normal way to feel?

10 replies

peaky297 · 14/05/2018 11:32

Im just looking for advice from Mums about the timing of having a baby. I have always been broody and my partner and I spoke the other night and decided that we would like to start trying for a baby and he is so excited about it. We are in a very happy and loving relationship and we are lucky in that he is well paid and finances shouldn't be a concern. I am really keen to be a mum and I know that he will make an excellent father, but equally I'm a little bit terrified too about how life will change. I'm 28 and certainly made the most of my early twenties, so I don't think I'd feel like I'm missing out per se, it's just such a huge and permanent decision. I guess the big question is whether it's normal to feel like this and whether it ever feels like the perfect time? Advice please ladies! X

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PinkHeart5914 · 14/05/2018 11:36

There will never be a perfect time, your always feel a little anxious because having a baby is the unknown

mump0ints · 14/05/2018 11:39

As pinkheart says there is never a perfect time. I have known first time mums from teenagers to 50s, all ages have pros and cons.

What do you think you will miss? What scares you?

Original poster

peaky297 · 14/05/2018 11:44

I think a lot of doubts stem from my friends experience to be honest. She loves her daughter, but often spoke about how lonely and isolated she felt during the daytime in her first few months. I guess I worry about that aspect of things and I just don't want to have any regrets.

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Bananarama12 · 14/05/2018 11:46

I'm 26 and have a 6 month old. It has changed my life but I still do everything I did before. I have a great supporting partner who has always done his fair share so I can go out socialising gym etc and so can he.
It just takes a lot more preparation to get us all out of the door

teaandbiscuitsforme · 14/05/2018 11:55

There's never a good time. And if you wait for when you think it's a good time, you never know what's going to happen. It could take a lot longer than you think to get pregnant or you could have a miscarriage. Sometimes you just have to go for it, so long as you're in a stable position of course!

As for your friend feeling lonely, that really could happen to any Mum, at any stage or age. You can't let things like that affect your decision.

owltrousers · 14/05/2018 12:02

I think as long as you are prepared mentally for such a big change - the rest will follow.

I thought I was ready, I'm 31 and we started trying when I was 30. Looking back I kind of wished we'd had one more year just us as we've only recently become financially stable so never got to enjoy it with holidays and festivals without our baby in tow. Saying that I would not change anything given the chance because our DS is such an amazing presence in our household - he makes it feel complete.

How would you feel about being at home with a baby for at least the first 6 months? (assuming you'll take maternity leave) some people take to it, others feel depressed and lonely.

losingmymindiam · 14/05/2018 12:10

I don't think there is ever a perfect time but you need to think whether there is anything you will regret not doing first. We wish we went travelling or a couple more child free holidays first but that is with hindsight and feeling desperate for a holiday where we could just please ourselves. 28 is still young so you could afford to give it a couple of years.

Mannix · 14/05/2018 12:16

It’s certainly possible to feel lonely and isolated when your baby is tiny - but to be honest, that could happen at any age, OP. Some mums do struggle in the first few months. It really helps if you go to baby groups and try to meet other first time mums in the same boat as you.

Just one thing about timing - I notice that you talk about your partner rather than your husband. If you’re planning to be a SAHM or work part time I strongly advise you to get married before you have a baby, otherwise you will be in a difficult financial position if you ever split up. If you’re planning to return to work full time then ignore that advice!

userabcname · 14/05/2018 12:20

I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way. I had 2 "oh shit! What have we done?!" moments which were when we got our positive pregnancy test and when we bought newborn DS home from hospital. But overall, I have loved being a mum. In fact, I wish I'd had him earlier if anything (I was 29 when he was born) so everyone's experience is different.

Namechangemum100 · 14/05/2018 12:23

I think that if you are level headed, then it is totally normal to feel excited and nervous at the same time. You are just being realistic. Yes having a baby and starting a family is amazing, but it's equally hard, and changes your life in both good and bad ways.

There's lots of love, and lots of sacrifice.

Sounds to me like you are just being sensible, and given that you are in a committed relationship and financially stable, sounds like a good time to me.

Good luck!

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