Thinking about adoption

[chefbabi]

Hello.
My husband and I are students and thinking of fostering/adoption. im a mature student and hes young. We are both at uni level though.
I wonder whats the best age (of the child) to adopt? What complications would i have to prepare for?
We are serious about being real parents. I am prone to ppd and depression so he does not want me to risk giving birth and getting ppd or worse.
We are flexible with age and gender. We think its most important to help a child who really has nobody to help her/him.

Hi Chefbabi - I'm curious as to how you can afford children if you're studying. Do you have an income? NB - I'm absolutely not criticising, it's a genuine curiosity. I remember being absolutely and utterly skint as a student, working evenings and weekends to get by - could barely support myself never mind a child!

I think that you would struggle to be approved for adoption. Fostering is x probably more realistic.

can I suggest you post on the adoption board so you get an informed response.

Adoption is not an easy route to a family. Many adopters suffer from post adoption depression, in the same way women suffer from post adoption depression, uand any mental health issues you have can be triggered by adoption. You need to be resiliant, strong and resourceful.

The approval process is rigourous, you will have medicals and a home study. You will need referrees and will have your finances checked. You will need to be living in suitable, stable accommodation. You will need to demonstrate experience with children. You need a good, solid support network around you.

How would you finance adoption leave? What would you do if your child had so many needs that they need a stay at home parent?

Children in the care system can be impacted by alcohol and drugs, they can have poor genetic inheritances, they may have attachment difficulties, behaviourial disorders, ASD and ADHD are common, developmental delay and developmental trauma. Many will have parents will poor mental health, learning difficulties.
I could go on but hopefully you get the picture that its not a walk in the park.

nor is fostering any easier. Most of the above applies.

Given what you said in your other thread, please do not do this. Adoption is not a way to patch up a broken relationship.

I would suggest that you are unlikely to be approved for either fostering or adoption in the U.K. at the stage of life you are currently in. You have no stable income at present, adoption because of a history of mental health issues and full time occupations albeit unpaid are all potential issues. I would relook at this once you are graduated, ideally one of you is working and one is able to focus on needs of child. Other situations would also work but not the one you have described.

At the risk of having my post deleted, you are being absolutely ridiculous. In your other thread, you talk about your marriage woes and you talk about adopting a child as if it's something that will fix you marriagever and keep your husband. You would have zero chance of being approved for either adoption or fostering. Adoption and fostering is about the best interests if the child.

I don't even know where to start with this.. .

I've had a look at your other thread. I'm sorry but you won't get past the first hurdle.

Adoption of a vulnerable child is not the way to fix your marriage, or a second best because you cannot wait a couple of years to have a birth chikd.

Its not what you want to hear but you need to fix your marriage issues first.

Well who said i was trying to use adoption to fix a marriage?
I have seen tons of poor single mothers adopt or foster kids. So why would the process be more difficult for me.
I do have an income. And im studying at home not on campus.

All your negative assumptions just say more about you than about me

Wtf? You posted a wk ago saying you need a baby to stay married to your DH and now you’ve ‘compromised’ by deciding to adopt? Adoption in my experience is much much harder and testing than ‘natural’ family building. I suggest you take some time to decide what it is you really want and make a realistic plan towards achieving that, what do you expect ppl to say to you??

Adopter here.

You shouldn't bring children into an unstable home life. A child needing adoption needs stability. Adopted children have lost everything once. It would be terrible for them to become attached to a Dad who then ups and leaves and they only get to see fortnightly.
So a poor single mother is 'better' than a rich couple with a deteriorating marriage.

Adopting can bring a shed load of stress. Some children are very adept at spotting cracks in a relationship and exploiting them, whether consciously or unconsciously. To help the child feel safe you need to be able to be 100% united.

The prone to depression is also an issue and SW would need convincing by your doctor that your condition is well controlled and stable.

You need a baby?!

Where are the tons of poor single mothers who are adopting as I don’t know any? I can think of one single mother who has adopted and she is a retired professional with the time, commitment and experience it takes.

Op if you come over to the adoption board, you will get a more informed response.

OP, the Mn adoption board is excellent. Head over there. However, you’ll get the same response about your circumstances at the moment not getting you past the most initial assessment, assuming other posters are representing your situation accurately.

I hope you are aware that your comments are nothing to me. They are all destructive negative personal jusgements that expose your own issues not mine. Im leaving this crap hole board

It is possible to both foster and adopt as a single person, this was not the situation you outlined. You do not need to be wealthy to adopt but you do need to be able to provide for a child. You also need to be able to focus on a child so trying to take this on while completing a degree wouldn't be sensible. These may not be answers you want to hear but they are the reality of the situation.