Am I being unreasonable

[Louclare]

Hi everyone I have a 2 year old daughter who I raised by myself as her dad left when I told him I was pregnant as wasn't ready etc..... so I didn't really hear from him in 2 years he sometimes gave me a bit of money if I mentioned the csa but not much....so about 5 months ago he messages me wants to be a dad , I later found out his new partner had found out from somebody and her parents disapproved but I wanted to let him see his daughter even though people said I shouldn't...well he said he needed support and has always had his partner with him ,he does play with his daughter but never asks anything about her and I feel he didn't come to the discussion to be a dad himself it was because his partner wouldn't marry someone who didn't see his child.....i feel I see no effert from him and he only sees her every two weeks.should I ask him to see her alone ? I kinda regret wanting contact now as has caused me a lot of stress so far and to see him playing families with a child he said he never wanted anything to do with and treated me so badly is hard but I try think of my daughter.

I can totally understand your hurt but why do you think gecmust see her alone? Does your DD enjoy seeing her DF and what grief is he giving you? Have you pursued him for maintenance?

Hmm. You have my sympathy. I'd be worried that his interest will wane if the girlfriend dumps him or they have their own child.

Maybe suggest he sets up regular payments and a regular contact schedule?

Yes the main reason he said he wanted to see his daughter was so he could start a family with his new partner which as you can imagine is very hurtful and my daughter will have to see that.he is still sorting out maintenance as they now have mortgage and holiday and he got huffy when I asked for 50 pounds towards a as second hand bed for her....i have really pushed it talking to my daughter about him making card for his birthday etc.his partner is late 30s so they seem to be rushing .He does play with our daughter but if the gf is there she does everything and is very pushy .

He definitely seems to be prioritising his own needs over his daughters. I’d try to stay calm but like ADark says, suggest setting up regular payments and contact. If that doesn’t go well, arrange for payments yourself through CSA. Rights of Women have some useful information here and here too OP.

Do it for your dd. When kids in school talk about their Dad she can join in. Thats huge. She will always know who he is and not have that big thing of trying to contact him when older. His partner is another person in her life who takes an interest in her and that can only be good if she is kind.
She is young and her df may build more of a bond as they get to know each other and as she gets older. I would accept it on those grounds as long as dd is being looked after.
Sorting out the money is another issue.

Op

Go to the CSA for maintenance. Go online today and start the ball rolling.

His partner is half decent if she has insisted he sees his child.

I agree your concerns are valid here but as he is showing up to see her I think you should let this continue until you have a strong reason not to.

It takes time to build a bond and maybe your ex is still in the process of that.

Don’t focus on their plans etc that is looking back. Focus on yourself and being happy.

Thanks for all advice .money wise he is self employed and when we worked out money on website it was a lot more then he now says it is which I think is so they can have the nice things but I do work ....i don't think his partner is a bad person I have fought them out on a few lies though but I think if she told him not to see our daughter he would stop ! If they have a child my daughter will be second best!......another thing I think our daughter should be seeing her dad plus her dad's family but he wants to take her to the partners family who I don't kno plus not anything to do with my daughter.

It does sound like the gf is the driving force. Sadly there is probably nothing you can do to engage his family unless he wants to facilitate that.

I think you need to focus on the needs of your daughter, and get things in place before she has a child of her own.