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Parenting

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Original poster

I've had a week of tears at bedtime, and I don't know what else I can say to them

14 replies

saltire · 16/05/2007 21:56

We are due to move very soon, very far south. It's because of DH's job and its a 2/3 year posting. Every night this week though the DSes have been heart broken at bedtime, not wanting to go. We have lived here for nearly 5 years, they started school here and have lots of friends. The more I try and tell them that they will get new friends, the louder they cry (DSes are 9 and 7). DS1 especially is really upset, his school wrok this week had been terrible and his teacher commented on it. he says it's becasue he's worried about moving schools. He gets very upset easily and tends to cry a lot and lkeeps coming out with comments like
"what if they all call me names" or "waht if no one talks to me". They both keep repeating that they don't want to go. TBH it's getting me down, I am struggling myself with the thought of moving, DH has been away for 3 weeks and I am having to deal with MOD housing people and removals firms and 101 other things. Any suggestions

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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whomovedmychocolate · 16/05/2007 22:00

Have you tried planning a special day in a few weeks in the new house where you go somewhere - is there an attraction nearby you could visit or something to focus on?

Alternatively, could you try (with DS1) explaining that whenever you move you get to start again like a secret agent and he can be whoever he wants to be and he can become the most popular kid at school if he wants. He just has to pretend that he is for a bit and then it'll happen.

Sorry you are going through this!

Original poster

saltire · 16/05/2007 22:05

I have told them that we will get them new duvets covers and curtains for their rooms, and that there must be lots of things we can do at the weekends.
DS1 has just been down the stairs again saying he wants to go and live with granny (my mum) if he can't stay here

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whomovedmychocolate · 16/05/2007 22:09

Oh dear. I don't suppose you could get a pet at the other end could you?

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Original poster

saltire · 16/05/2007 22:13

wmmc, that's another thing, we lost one dog last summer and the other one a couple of months ago, I don't know if that has something to do with all this, just been back up to DS1, poor wee soul he's really upset. I just feel I'm making it worse whatever I say to him

OP posts:

Flamesparrow · 16/05/2007 22:18

Oh no

I know it won't help now but are there any MNers in the area you are moving to with similar aged children that you can line up meetings with asap? Sort of get possible friends lined up to help after the move?

Original poster

saltire · 16/05/2007 22:20

The only MNetter in the area that I know of is Littlelapin and she has a toddler ( I think, or is he under 1, can't remember)

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whomovedmychocolate · 16/05/2007 22:27

Could a puppy be in order then? Just thinking of something they could focus on.

Original poster

saltire · 16/05/2007 22:37

We might have to get them a puppy. I just feel so helpless

OP posts:

DimpledThighs · 16/05/2007 22:39

how much longer til you move?

I think it might be like this until you actually do - they need to see it is okay.

You could have a conversation in the day about how you know it is going to be fine but if we keep getting upset we will not think about it for now and then when it starts just have a story tape or something else to focus on at bedtime?

DimpledThighs · 16/05/2007 22:40

could you find out about a fab place (swimming pool / theme park) near where you are going to be and show them a website or something and say look how cool it is we are going to be near this - and get really excited?

Original poster

saltire · 16/05/2007 22:41

It's 3 weeks on Monday. They don't really remeber the last time moved, from Cambridgeshire to Scotland, well DS1 can remember the house, but doesn't remember his playgroup or his friends. I knew it would be hard for them, but I don't think i was expecting this, at least I was, but not until nearer the move date

OP posts:

delores · 17/05/2007 18:28

Oh God, I feel for you and your bairns.

If its any helpI moved house when I was 12 ( a bit older than yours I know) and vividly remember the whole thing. To be honest the build up was probably the worst part. Once I'd moved and got the first day at the new school over with it got easier.
It sounds as if you're doing the best you can, all you can do is acknowledge their anxiety and hang on until they get into their new school. It won't be as bad as they're imagining, but there isn't much you can do to convince them of that at the moment.
When will they start school? Will they have to wait til Sept?

LynetteScavo · 17/05/2007 18:33

A friend of mine moved a long way, adn the children had no idea where they were going. The new school sent them photos of their new teachers and the school. Maybe you could ask the school to do this if you've already chosen one.

Hassled · 17/05/2007 18:34

It must be horrendous for you but if it helps at all I moved from Ireland to the UK when I was 10 and cried for weeks about it beforehand - was convinced I would never make friends etc etc. The reality was that I was fine, in an amazingly short space of time. I know it's a cliche, but it's often true - kids adapt to change easily when it comes to it. Your boys are old enough to understand that there isn't really any choice for you, you have to be where the job is because the job pays for their food/clothes/toys etc. - would it help if you were to gently reiterate that?

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