Hi all I am a sister at her wits end in need of some help and I'm turning to mumsnet for a bit of support and advice as I not really sure where else to turn.
So my situation is this, I have no children of my own yet but due to drug and alcohol issues of my mum have always had to be the responsible adult in the household and the second parent to my younger brother and sister. I moved out of my mother's home when I was 21 but always remained very involved in my brother and sister's lives and as best I could also tries to support my mum as best I could. My sister then moved out a few years later leaving just my brother at home and my mum's substance misuse issues remained and fast forward to now (almost 7years later) and things got really bad in my mums house and my sister and I felt in necessary to step in and involve social services in order to protect my brothers well being. My brother is due to turn 12yrs old next month and I have now been looking after him since November 2017, where I was living previously wasn't big enough for the two of us so I had to find a new place and we moved in to a bigger flat in February this year and last month I was legally made his guardian and granted a special guardianship order by the courts.
Everything at home is great, he is respectful, helpful, polite and to be honest I don't have any problems with him. However, the problems occur when I am not around and when he is outside of the house.
Outside of the house he rude, angry has no respect for authority and is constantly getting into trouble at school. He is disruptive in his lessons, constantly fighting, skipping detentions, has been suspended on numerous occasions and the school has as good as said if I do not move him that he is on the brink of being permanently excluded . So in regards to school I have applied to a school which has in built behavioural support, a zero percent exclusion policy and a reputation for turning children with behavioural issues around.
The other day there was an incident where he was f'ing and blinding at a shop keeper who refused to serve him an energy drink and I marched him back to the shop and made him apologise for his behaviour.
I suspect that my brother is also stealing from shops and vaping as I am continually finding vaping equipment in his belongings.
Due to his behaviour at school I work closely with them, frequent phone calls and emails on a daily basis and I have face to face meetings on almost a weekly basis. He is on a report card and to prevent him from getting into altercations had been attending compulsory study club so he is unable to mix with kids after school.
I am a nurse and previously was working long hours but I have even changed my job and taken on a nursing post so I can be move available to him, with my new role I now do not leave the house until after he has left for school and I now get home before him.
At home I enforce clear strict boundaries for his behaviour; he earns upto £20 a week in pocket money (£10 linked to his behaviour at home and £10 linked to his behaviour at school), if there are any incidents outside of the house he loses his xbox and internet privileges.
He is academically bright, knows his rights from wrong and has the capacity and understanding in regards to his behaviour. He always says the right things when challenged about his behaviour and appears to take on board what is being said to him but as soon as a conversation is over he is back to doing the same thing(s) he has just finished getting in trouble for.
I understand that he has some emotional issues after everything he has been through with my mum and I have signed him up to start counselling with realy for this. He is on a waiting list and hopefully this will start soon. But I do not in anyway feel that his emotional issues are an excuse for his behaviour and his behaviour at home demonstrates he is able to conduct himself appropriately so how do I get his behaviour at home to translate outside of the house?
My fear is if I don't nip this antisocial behaviour in the bud it will become criminal and then it will be too late.
Any advice/support would be helpful.