Am I a bad parent? Parenting skills.

[Alohaha]

Hey - looong time lurker but first poster here. I'm after some brutely honest, no holes barred opinions here from you lovely lot.

It's about my parenting (or lack of) skills. It's not something I've ever really thought of in the past but a few recent comments/events has brought it to my mind.

Basically, I guess I'm a bit of a 'laid-back' parent. I'm a single mum to an 8 year old DD. It's always just been the two of us and we've got a pretty special/close bond but I'm not sure if I've been too much of a friend and not enough of a rule-enforcing parent.

DD is a seriously bright, funny kid. But there is a serious lack of rules in our house. Bedtimes aren't enforced, I mean the other night we were watching the sunset at 9pm at the beach. On a school night, the shame. I get up early and go to bed early so most nights she just hops in to bed with me. Often she'll ask for a sweet or chocolate before tea/dinner and I'm like 'Oooh yeah that sounds good' so we're sat eating junk then not being hungry enough for a meal until 7pm. We game together, surf together, play ukulele together, camp and hike around the coast together, sleep together and I even work at her school. The thing is it's not that I'm giving in to her every whim to keep her happy - I genuinely think her ideas are fun and want to do them. I love playing with the toys she's in to and I watch all her favourite youtubers with her (and enjoy it ). We got up early yesterday just to buy the Greatest Showman sountrack to blast it on the way to school. Basically I am a giant child. I don't care if she gets muddy or jumps into the freezing cold sea or cracks a bit of a riske joke cause they make me laugh. I will add though she is a impeccably polite child, always clean and always uses table manners (the only rule I've really enforced). She is a happy bundle of joy to be around.

So my question is, am I headed for an unruly, spoilt child with no concept of boundaries? Is it time to step up and act like a grown up? Should I worry more? Am I damaging her with the bedtimes, or being too much of a 'friend'?

I don't think there's any "right way" to do things. Even the child with loads of rules can end up a brat. Sounds like you have a lovely time and a lot of fun so just enjoy it I think!

I don't think you sound bad at all. The hopping into your bed every night is one of the benefits of being part of a lone parent family I should think!

The only thing you listed which I would look at again is this

Often she'll ask for a sweet or chocolate before tea/dinner and I'm like 'Oooh yeah that sounds good' so we're sat eating junk then not being hungry enough for a meal until 7pm

Because she's growing and developing, she needs proper nutrition and you dont want to risk her metabolism getting messed up,

Yes, the nutrition aspect could be better.

Sounds brilliant. Just make sure above all, it's understood that YOU are the parent, not just the mate. That she's understands sometimes NO does mean NO. That as she moves into the teenage years you're prepared to lay down some boundaries .., to keep her safe. Teenagers are very dippy. But you have amazing communication and thats worth its weight in gold!

Prob good for both of you to learn some nice healthy meals....buy a book and prepare them together!

It sounds like you've got a lovely bond, and if she's impeccably behaved, she's obviously not headed into spoiled brat territory at all.

Why are you asking? If it's 'cause you think you ought to change something, I'd do so gently and gradually rather than suddenly. If it's because of stuff other people are saying, well, yeah, maybe cut down on the sweets, but otherwise it seems you've found a model that works great for the two of you.

You sound like you have a fun happy relatonship she sounds a lovely kid.
however you might get a shock when she grows up a bit and wants to do these fun things with friends and leaving you behind you might be upset by it,
I think kids look for boundries and she might at some point do riskier things because you have no definate line or rules you don't sound a bad parent but she isn't your buddy.

I agree with everyone else that it sounds like your DD is enjoying a happy childhood with a mother that's lots of fun.

The only slight reservation I have is that you need to remember that she will be able to find other friends but she will only have one mother. I guess what I'm saying is there will be a time where she needs you to set the boundaries and provide the discipline as that is all part and parcel of being a parent and what every child/teen needs at some point. I think morphing from friend to parent could be quite difficult and confuse the dynamic you've set up. Is there anyway you could reset things slightly so that she sees you primarily as a friendly and fun parent as opposed to a friend that happens to also be her mother? I think in the long term this slight shift could help you both in establishing a dynamic that enables you to keep and cherish your special bond, but also underakw the elements of parenting that only you can do.

Take care to have some boundaries op.
Dc thrive also on knowing where they stand.

Btw you can still do all those fun things with her but maybe have a think qbout dinners and not dropping everything to do whatever she wants.

Thank you all for the insightful replies - I'm being a bit of a newbie on mobile and don't know how to reply individually (plus I'm on a break at work so lack of time). I hope you guys see this anyway, but you're completely right in regards to the nutrition. We're a very active little family all good weights etc, but that still isn't any good if we're not eating right - I'm a lousy cook and a bit of a chocoholic so will look in to getting some recipies and learning together, she'd love that!

I agree with the boundaries, I'm just not sure in which way to add them. I can't remember the last time I had to say no or raise my voice. We just talk about things you know? Don't get me wrong she is no angel, no child is, but normally I can just tell her to give it a rest and that's that, she's pretty mature for her age. How do I be more of a mother less of a friend? We're so open about everything; emotions, bodies, life etc I'm hoping that'll see us through those tough teenage years as she knows she can talk to me without judgement. What type of rules should I put in place?

She is also a very outgoing girl and starting to want to hang out with her friends more which I'm totally fine with and encourage! Though to the poster who mentioned that, I will feel like I've somewhat lost my partner in crime when she's totally independent, I'll have to take up knitting or something

It does sound idyllic and cosy and you seem to be able to reign her in if she needs it.how does she react if you say you don't fancy doing something or do you always say yes because you don't want to dissapoint her.

Oh god its hardly idyllic or anything, I certainly dont want to come across as the perfect parent brigade! We all have our bad days. But generally I suggest stuff to do and she's like 'Yeah lets go!' Most of the time I'm down for her ideas too, but if I really don't fancy doing something she'll try to convince me until I'm firmer and tell her to give it a rest. No tantrums or anything. Sometimes her persuasion works though and I cave, not very consistant . But to be honest she does most of the housework/odd jobs with me and when all the jobs are done I dont see the harm in going out for walks or making slime etc, I'd only be bored sitting watching TV or something. I guess I should make a point of saying No more though if only not to pander to her. I do wonder if I've tried to over-compensate for being a lone parent, but then again I just enjoy doing things with her?