Anxiety- no support network

[Mummabea]

I have really bad anxiety and a history of mental health which I have been on the road of recovery since 2011. My DS is 6 months old. I have a support worker and go to therapy. I am so worried to go back to work. I have no support network and my partner works with me. My job is not really supportive of new mothers and is very demanding and dangerous. (I was even hospitalised when I was 8 months pregnant). Everyone just gossips and when I go to visit it makes me not want to go back more. I mean I do love my job, but I don't think I will be able to do it effeciantly with the anxiety of leaving my son. I'm thinking about asking my doctor to sign me off for a little while? I just can't afford to stay on maternity leave and there is alot more going on in my life (going to be homeless in a month, So moving, money worries, no family.) My mum died when I was 18 so I feel like I have a huge gap. My partner helps alot when he's home and I go to play group but alot of the other mum's are older than me and have other children and lives and support. None of my friends here have kids and I have been ditched by most of them because I guess they think now I'm a mum I'm "boring". The other thing I'm worried about is my doctor is literally waiting for me to fall off the edge. Apparently with my history I am highly likely to get PND and I'm worried that they will not think I'm fit to take care of my son if I actually let her know what's going on. My support worker is ok but I feel like I need more of a friend not a 9-5 if you make an appointment situation. My theropist is actually really brutal so isn't mich help either. She asks me questions like "Do you think because you were hit you will hit your son?" So I'm kinda scared of her.
Sorry this is long and confusing it's 3am and I've not slept because of this worry.

I guess my question is-
Am I being silly?
Has anyone else felt like this? What did you do?

Hi sorry your feeling like this. Postnatal depression is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. Looking back now I had pnd with my first child although I never would have admitted it, which is stupid. I’ve had it this time as well, my dc2 is 11months although there are a lot of other stresses too. I literally broke down in tears in my gp’s reception due to anxiety. I was prescribed anti depressants but have kept them as a last resort. Talking to my gp and admitting to my DH that I was feeling this way a made a lot of difference as I didn’t feel so alone. Speak to them asap, don’t suffer on in silence.
With regards to work, would it help to do a keeping in touch Day? I felt sick at the thought of going back until I did one recently. Who will be looking after your son? Also have a little word with them with your concerns, so that they can work with you.

Hi it's good to know I'm not alone. I was planning on using my keep in touch days but I would have to leave my son either with a childminder I don't know or find a baby sitter of some sort. It adds to my anxiety just thought of leaving him; I have only left him with my partner to go to the shop at the weekend since he's been born. I think I may tell doctor. She's supportive but I can't get an appointment until the end of the month, So I will wait until then. I guess if I had someone around that I trust then it would make things alot easier x

So sorry you are feeling like this Mumma. I’m not trained but I would say that with this level of anxiety, I would call the GO back and ask for an earlier appointment. You can’t function properly if 5he anxiety is keeping you awake at night and you have a baby to look after.

When are yiu due back at work? I hated the thought of leaving mine, but I went back part time and I’m glad I did. The thought of leaving them was much worse than the reality. Don’t let the thought of it spoil your time with him now