OH thinks DS hates him

[starwishing]

Just a quick one. My OH thinks our DS hates him. I try to make light of it and just say he's just being a pre-schooler and they get a bit opinionated at 3yo. However OH is constantly saying "he hates me, he won't let me near him, he won't let me do anything for him" but it's more a case of DH wants me to do these things instead. Usually it ends in OH stripping off to sulk and me doing what DS wants anyway but I'm trying really hard to be 'unavailable' occasionally (currently hiding in the bathroom) so that they have to let each other do things.

Is there something I can do to help that won't end up with both boys being upset?

Your OH is a man not a boy. He needs to man up and start parenting his child.

Sorry, I just realised that sounds harsh. You need to sit down and have a chat with your OH about this. Do they ever have a chance to do anything together without you? A regular Daddy-son time would help their relationship.

@gingerbreadbiscuits I was merely putting them into the same bracket as my DS is 3 and I couldn't call him a man!

We've had conversation about it and there's nothing that works. Whenever OH tries to do things there's kicking, screaming, crying and eventually a massive fall out.

They have days alone together when I am at work and occasionally I have a night out six times a year) when I have school stuff like parents evening that runs late. He's absolutely fine when it's the two of them but if I'm in the house it's ww3

I would suggest OH tires to up his alone time with DS to build up their relationship. You can back up your OH by saying Daddy will brush your teeth because Mummy need to clean the kitchen and then leave the room.

@gingerbreadbiscuits thank you. We have tried that. He outright refuses though and follows me. He tells my OH how much he likes me and doesn't like him because he only loves me. I'd have to physically be out the house for a while before they would get along. I'm the problem I think.

I wonder if your DS is picking up on how your OH is feeling.

I don't think my OH hates my DS I just think he's annoyed at how he can't do anything for him because it causes stress.

OK I've been in your DH'S shoes and it feels bloody awful, so try and have a bit of sympathy for him. It's gut wrenching when your child doesn't want you, tells you to go away, and tells they only want the other parent and that they love them more. Think how you would feel hearing that every day,

You can help with this by;

1. Reminding you OH that he is a good parent and you have Faith in him.
2. "Big up" your oh to your ds by making loads of positive comments about daddy, don't be afraid to go ott and be as cheesy as you like!
3. Don't tolerate your ds being rude or disobedient to his dad. When he makes unpleasant comments about daddy tell him that is wrong and you don't want to hear it.

Those are the things we did and they definitely helped.

@missyB1 thank you. I'm always saying how amazing my OH is and how much he loves DS. When the screaming and hitting starts he gets spoken to and told how it's unkind. However sobbing till he's sick is the usual outcome and the forced interaction whilst I'm in the house results in DS refusing to speak to OH for a couple of days and screaming/hiding if he enters a room. All DS does is cling if OH is around yet if I'm out they are fine together and there's not a problem. Except for me leaving I don't know what to do. I might have to start going away overnight till he's a bit older and understands he has to let OH do things