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Original poster

Is he being unfair?

16 replies

BabyPufflingMumma · 05/05/2018 15:38

I would like some advice please.
DS was born early and small, so I know that cosleeping is not what I should be doing. However st 5 months old he still feeds every 2 hours.
Baby's dad told me that if I told the health visitor we are co sleeping ( always just me and baby with no pillows, blankets and done as safely as possible) they will tell social services because I am putting 'at risk' baby in danger. Is he just being hurtful (he is very very good at that) or is there truth in what he is saying. Please don't just bombard me with negativity about co sleeping. I've done a lot of research and that's what's working to keep him ebf for now. I would like advice about what he has said please

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Singlenotsingle · 05/05/2018 15:43

I always used to do it especially when my babies were still breastfeeding. They slept better, I slept better and I didn't have to keep getting up to attend to them. I take on board the official view that it could be dangerous for the baby but mine never came to any harm.

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 15:46

It sounds like he said is as a threat almost? Did I read that right?
We coslept with all of ours, against advice, and they were fine.

I’m more concerned about him being good at being hurtful. Are you ok OP?

Bananarama12 · 05/05/2018 15:47

No the health visitor will not tell social services! Co sleeping is great as long as you do it safely (which you obviously do). It was how me and DS got our best nights sleep for a long time until he decided he wanted his own space.

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Bananarama12 · 05/05/2018 15:49

Plus you don't have to tell the hv.

Original poster
BabyPufflingMumma · 05/05/2018 15:50

Thank you smeddum, no not really ok.

He is very good at saying anything just to hurt my feelings. So it seemed like a threat but it made me worry!

OP posts:
Mabelface · 05/05/2018 15:52

He's talking shit, don't worry.

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 15:52

@BabyPufflingMumma that sounds really worrying. It’s not normal or right that he should be saying things just to hurt you, you don’t deserve that (despite what he may tell you) and he has no right to speak to you that way.

Are there options open to you? Do you want to be with him? Are you safe?

RubyBoots7 · 05/05/2018 16:04

Not just unfair, but completely wrong and ill informed! Why is your baby at risk now at 5 months old?! Look on the Lullaby Trust website, they totally support cosleeping as long as you follow the safety guidelines - which is sounds like exactly what you are doing! HV won't give a monkeys whether you're cosleeping or have a cot in your room as long as you do either safely. And even if you were fudging it a bit, SS are not going to get involved if someone has the wrong fitted sheet or the room is 1oC higher than suggested. They are there to deal with neglect and abuse, not normal good enough parenting! Honestly it's that ridiculous what he is saying!

Original poster
BabyPufflingMumma · 05/05/2018 16:04

Thank you all!

No I don't really have options. We are living together and with maternity I don't have many options. He owns the house. I am safe but not happy! All I want to do is look after my DS and breastfeed as long as possible.

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 05/05/2018 16:05

Your HV would be more concerned about whether you relationship was in any way abusive.

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 16:11

If you want to you can speak to your HV about how unhappy you are OP.

Original poster
BabyPufflingMumma · 05/05/2018 17:00

I hadn't even thought to talk to HV about it. I'm sort of unsure of what I can and can't talk to HV about. She didn't really say much when I have seen her.

OP posts:
Smeddum · 05/05/2018 17:05

The HV priority is welfare of the child (which it sounds like you have covered already) and also your MH, so you can talk to her about anything that’s on your mind. If you want to leave, or find some support locally then they’ll be able to advise.

It sounds to me like he’s got you to the point of being afraid of your HV and that he’s done it to keep you in line. The HV wants to support you and your baby, he’s bang out of line.

evergreen7 · 05/05/2018 19:20

Don't worry op!

I told my HV that we are co sleeping when DS was about 6 weeks as that's how any of us managed to get any sleep. She just asked if we sleep in "safe" positions etc (they considered sleeping with one arm around DS making a "cradle/cot" whatever was quite safe) and gave a few tips in case they helped and that was that.

Your partner doesn't sound great.

Happygolucky009 · 05/05/2018 19:25

All the health visitors i know with babies do co sleep Grin

Toasttea · 05/05/2018 21:10

No the social services will not be involved. It sounds like a threat to me!

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