Breastfeeding

[Hafa9141]

Just wanting a conversation about breastfeeding. I completely support women who breast feed comfortably around people I think its amazing, but for me personally, AIBU to want to do it in private?
I am very busty anyway (36FF) and even before a baby I don't like people ogling my boobs so I tend to not wear low cut tops etc.
Now, I know everybody says "oh nobody stares" or whatever, but with boobs this big I can't see how a rogue one wouldn't be glanced at by multiple people.
Or even in the early stages, when you're getting used to positioning and discretion, is it ridiculous to want to go in another room and feed in private?
I am dreading the thought of women around me giving me grief about being confident and standing up for women's rights.
Thoughts anyone?

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. I doubt you'll have women around you giving you grief about feeding in private (and if they do, tell them to jog on!)

If your baby is still small you might find that what you feel comfortable with changes over time, and as breastfeeding becomes more normal to you you're happier to do it in public. That's okay too. You do what works for you.

I'm a 32H and had the same worries. Sure, they escaped every now and then and I had a fair amount on show but I did wear breastfeeding dresses or did the one up one down method with my tops which made me more comfortable in the early days. After a few months when we got the hang of it I fed anywhere any time as she was less prone to popping off and allowing milk to spray around!

Honestly, do whatever works for you and what you're happy with. I would rather have not breastfed in front of loads of strangers in a cafe or restaurant but sometimes she was screeching and I personally wasn't going to go and hide in the loos so I did what I had to.

After reading 53rd's post I completely agree with them, probably didn't need to contribute my massive post as she said what I wanted to say

Good points! I see so many women comfortable straight away to just get on with it but from experience of family members, the very start can be a bit of a faff and that makes me a bit nervous!

It's completely your choice, but I would personally find it too inconvenient to have to find a private place every time I fed.

You could look into nursing scarves/shawls/covers if you would like more privacy while having the convenience of being able to feed out and about?

I always covered up using a breast over or did it in private. What's important is that you're comfortable, making a point of breastfeeding without covering is pointless if you're not comfortable imo.

Absolutely do what works for you. Nobody should judge you for anything (though motherhood has taught me they will judge for everything...but if they'll judge whatever you do, just do what you want!).

I sometimes fed in public, and sometimes used it as a perfect excuse to get away by myself for a bit (especially st my in laws house...).

Feed when and how you wish :) enjoy it!

I don't BF in public. I'm big busted and have twins and I haven't figured out a way to do it discretely. If I'm out somewhere without a nearby nursing room then I go to the car. I've no issue with others doing it but I feel shy about my breasts being seen so I prefer somewhere private.

If you're out shopping, mothercare and m&s often have rooms to feed and change babies. I didnt know about them before I had a baby so you can nip in there even if you're not buying anything - no one minds.
In restaurants you can ask to be seated in a corner with your back to the rest of the people if you prefer.
Breast feeding covers can be handy but get a bit hot. Mine had a wire around it so her head wasnt covered it was a bit like a shield.
No one looks or cares but it can feel a bit awkward when you're getting used to it.

It took me ages to be comfortable breastfeeding in public. With lots of faffing with clothes and muslins and covers. Lots of places have breastfeeding areas - especially big malls and stores. I have fed Dd in (clean!) loos when I really didn’t want to get my boobs out in front of lots of people.

If you don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in public that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about! You can express a bottle, or take formula out with you if you want. You have to do what works for you and your baby, whatever that may be.

Do what works for you. I preferred breastfeeding tops for discreet feeding, but fed literally everywhere. Close friend just pulls her top down, it works for her. Also feeds everywhere.
Neither of us ever got negative comments. If you prefer to feed in private that's fine too. As long as baby is fed all is good.

Do whatever you feel most comfortable doing, but you might struggle to always find somewhere private so it might be even more stressful to do it publicly if you aren't used to it.

I usually just feed whenever wherever but at 9 months he can be extremely wriggly and distractible so I sometimes find a quieter spot to make it easier.

Yes I have seen the shawls and they seem like the most comfortable for younger ones but I have seen a baby pull one clean off once and mummy was mortified 😂
I think comfort is the way to go, there are mum groups round here who have told a friend of mine "get that bottle out of his mouth its bad for him" when it was actually breastmilk expressed. It astounds me how rude some people are!
I'm not usually one to care what others think or say, but as a new mum I think it will be different when parenting is questioned

Do what is most comfortable for you. I fed for 6 years (3 DC) and no one out of my immediate family ever passed comment. I wore t shirts and lifted it up and attached DC. It is hard to imagine before you meet your baby and to be fair they are not all calm and quiet but you will find a way that suits you. I used to go to the breastfeeding room in Mother are but absolutely refused to sit in some awful room with babies having their dirty nappies changed and stinking nappy bins. Cafes are easy. When you have a toddler to care for as well you can't really go off privately but by then you are an expert. I fed everywhere and anywhere and am far from an extrovert.Personally I think swathing Muslins around and even more eye catchingly the covers do nothing but draw attention which would seem self defeating.

If you get the properly designed covers, the baby can't pull it off as it's attached around your neck :) If you'd draped a muslin over, the baby definitely could.

I think the mum who told your friend to get the bottle out of a babies mouth is just a lone fruitloop. I’ve literallt never heard anything like that, so please discount that experience. I can’t tell from your OP whether your baby has arrived yet. I too was very worried before my first baby arrived and planned to express to feed via bottle in public. I felt so different after DS arrived. I was very gung hi about whipping one out. I would definitely seek out your local breastfeeding group or LLL group and practise in a safe space. I’m very pro breastfeeding and have BF my 2nd for almost 2yrs but I do understand that it can be a daunting experience but honestly just doing it a few times and realising that 99.99% of people honestly don’t give a flying fuck about you are your baby or your tits is the only way to get comfortable. Shawls and discreet clothing (specific nursing clothes or one up one down) will help while you find your feet. The 0.01% of people who might say something will likely pass comment on some other aspect of your parenting if they pass comment on bf as they are just massive knobs.

First baby I went out of the room. This became expected though and MIL would kind of usher me out when he needed to feed.

Then with second baby I thought bugger this I'm not moving off my own couch and hiding. 😄 I did feed lying down a bit in my room while my undercarriage was a bit uncomfortable mind. 😳

No hiding with 3rd baby either, think they were used to it by then and so was I.

Wearing a thin stretchy vest under a top was definitely the best tip I got. Then you just unclip the bra and pull it and undervest down. So you just have the top layer to tuck baby under. No tummy hanging out for me either 👍

It's fine to feed privately. Many public places provide feeding rooms for this purpose (some are lovely with armchairs / rocking chairs and water fountains; others are essentially a plastic chair in a cupboard but nonetheless...). I did feed in public when DS was newborn mainly because he fed so frequently that if I hadn't, I'd have been stuck inside all day. I found nursing clothes, while not particularly flattering, do offer the most coverage for this. Now DS is 10.5mo I always feed privately as otherwise he gets distracted and I prefer to wear non-nursing clothes so often have to expose an entire boob. No-one has ever made me feel uncomfortable with where I have chosen to feed (although I was never brave enough to feed in public by myself just in case!). Go with whatever is most comfortable for you.

It took me a couple of months to feel ready to feed in public mainly because my baby had difficulty latching so I was constantly faffing and repositioning and

Oops posted too soon. Am breastfeeding right now and baby's foot hit the post button!

Anyway- it took me a while to work up the courage to feed in public but I was really glad once I did because now we're free to go out anywhere without stressing about it. I don't bother with covers/muslins and haven't had any issues - pubs, shops, airports, parks, wherever. But of course it's fine to want to nurse in private if that's what you prefer! It just might mean more pre-planning / finding places where you have some privacy. Good luck!

It's definitely fine to feed in private if that's what feels the most comfortable to you.

I at one point was a 34HH and felt much the same, didn't want to be seen to be making a spectacle of myself. However when my son was hungry he was hungry 😂 It wasn't long before that boy was being fed on a grassy patch under a tree, walking through the supermarket, at Hooters 🙈. I just figured everyone would be more offended by his screaming than by a bit of flashed boob.

I always tried to be quite discreet, I wore a nursing bra that was easy to unclog and always wore a strappy top under my t-shirt so I could do one up- one down. It took a few weeks to get slick but turns out little mans need trumped my shyness!

Good luck, don't feel bad for doing what works for you both.

I was the same OP and I have small boobs. It took me a while to brave doing it out of the house and then to find a way of doing it discreetly and what clothing to wear.

I remember distinctly feeding in a & e with two teenage boys watching and I've never felt so uncomfortable (I'm sure they did too, no judgement).

I was at my most comfortable with it just around other mums and then when number of feeds reduced to morning and night.

Others I know had the full boob out (sometimes both) and good for them but it wasn't for me.

I've bought one of these - there's no way I would every feel comfortable enough in public.

NEW Nursing & Breastfeeding Cover with a POCKET and FREE Muslin Cloth (110 cm x 75 cm) - Breastfeeding Apron, Shawl - Breastfeed in confidence, comfor https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071J5TQY8?ref=yopoppmaswf

I too felt uncomfortable at first about feeding around other people. I too worried about a boob falling out or people getting a glimpse so I would find somewhere to hide. Toilets, the car, a separate room etc. I felt like I was letting women everywhere down because I wasn't confident to feed. But it wasn't that at all - it was that I was still learning how to do it comfortably. Once we had all gotten the hang of it the location didn't matter anymore because I was confident. Now on number three I will even walk about feeding the baby whilst chasing dc2. Never, in almost 5 years of breast feeding has anyone ever said anything to me. No one has even looked at me funny. I know it does happen but I've never had a chance to use my much practised fuck off on anyone.
For covering up/maintaining dignity (without a massive blanket thing) I have two layers. A vest top that I pull down and a top layer I lift up. Poking out in between is the breast and nipple. Top of breast is covered and tummy covered too. The babies mouth and head cover the rest and most of the time no one even realises I'm feeding.
Hope you find a way that suits you and is comfortable for you.

I also feel a bit uncomfortable breastfeeding in public. I will do it if it is absolutely necessary. I have a select few I'm happy to feed in front of otherwise I go to another room.
I give a bottle occasionally when I'm out with him if I don't feel comfortable feeding myself. I'll feed him as much as I can but a bottle here and there isn't going to do him any harm.