Help 14 month old won’t sleep in his cot!

[Rosewillows]

Hi, I don’t know how it happened but with all the comfort babies need growing up my toddler has ended up not wanting to sleep in his cot at night. I’m really soft with ds and I fear I’ve caused this habit and don’t know how to stop it. He will sleep through fine if he’s in our bed but me and dh don’t want to cosleep but I’m afraid we’ve made a rod for our own back now. Ds doesn’t fall asleep in his cot and will fall asleep next to me and then get transferred into his cot. I fear this is half of the problem. This works fine through the day and ds will nap for up to 3 hours. At night he’ll do a maximum of 4 hours and then wake up and want to be in our bed despite previously having occasions where he slept through. Take last night for example, I transferred him asleep into his cot at 8.30pm and he woke up at 12.30am and every time so tried to put him back into his cot he cried and forcefully arched his back. As soon as I put him in our bed he went down no problem and almost instantaneously continued his sleep and will sleep through until morning. If I manage to put him back which is proving difficult without him waking again he’ll wake at 2 or 3 in the morning to be in our bed. Why won’t he sleep through in his cot in his own room?

Please can anybody help? I’m at my wits end as me and dh do not sleep well like this and it’s wearing us down now. We’ve had maybe 4 full nights sleep in 14 months and are shattered.

You have not been soft. You have responded to the needs of your child.

Trying putting a mattress down on his floor in his bedroom. Stay laying next to him until he is asleep and then leave. Make sure you and DH alternate nights that you are responsible for him so you each get a full nights sleep. When DS wake who ever is in charge can get into bed with him. Or can you alternate between DH and you sleeping in a spare bed and keep DS in the bed he is used to.

We have DD in a 3/4 double so one of us can hop in with her when she needs us and we all have plenty of space. She was about 20 months when we moved her into her own room/bed so we put her straight into a bed.

Oh my two year old has slept through once.

Thanks ginger, I don’t think I want to replace one habit for another in regards to the mattress on ds’s floor. We don’t have a spare room so can’t do that. Ideally I’d like to get ds to go down in his cot and settle to sleep from a wake. Realise this is prob impossible at 14 months as it’s gone on dd too long! Hope your 2 year old sleeps soon, that must be tough!

Replace with far

To be fair to her. She wakes asks for a cuddle and goes back to sleep. The mattress on the floor would then become a bed. It would just mean getting rid of the cot soon.

We have a floor mattress for 15mo DS. Like Ginger said, it'll just become his bed when he's ready for it so no cot in there with him.

Thanks everyone. We’re trying for another baby soon and ideally I don’t want to be co sleeping. I just don’t know how to get ds to sleep on his own.

Maybe the mattress will be the only option.

Ds does like his cot though, if anybody had any alternatives please let me know.

I would suggest moving him whilst drowsy, rather than asleep. Just awake enough that he's aware of what's happening, but close enough to sleep that he's not inclined to fight it too much. Be aware that he WILL protest about it, but if he's sleepy enough, you should be able to calm him in other ways - rubbing his back or tummy, shushing, etc. If he does get really worked up and you need to calm him in your bed again, that's fine - but still move him when he's drowsy again; even if you have to repeat this cycle a few times before he finally drifts off. The consistency is important for him to get the message that falling asleep in his cot is the way things are now - otherwise he'll just learn that it's a battle of wills! Good luck!

Thanks for your reply ADuck I’ll try that, I’ve never persevered with it before and I know I need to if I have any hope of getting little one to sleep in his own bed. To be honest I feel even ds sleeps better in his own bed when he’s in it as I feel me and dh disturb him.

Good luck! I never co-slept, but what I described is how I broke the habit of DD needing to fall asleep in my arms. You're right that it will be worth it once you've cracked it.

The key to change is consistency in your method - we got to the point where we had to do crying out (we didn’t really co-sleep a lot maybe the odd time when she was poorly) but she would wake in the night in her cot and I wasn’t too tired to try settle her so I’d bring her in bed with us BUT she wouldn’t go back to sleep she’s a tattoo messing around and climbing on us so that’s when I decided enough enough, it took about a week of her waking and wanting to come into our bed but we laid her back down patted her back ‘shhh’d’ her abs she would go back to sleep.

Whatever method you choose it’s not easy but you must just just stick to your guns. If you give in just once he will wake every night to see if you’ll relent again.

Good luck!

Not tattoo she would just start messing around
Apologies for all the dodgy mistakes I type too fast to realise that my phone does some wonderful auto corrects -_-