Leaving teenagers home alone

[HiCL]

Advice please. My ex husband is going camping in another county on Sat and Sun nights. He is leaving my 14 year old daughter on Sat night to go alone to her first party with alcohol being served getting there and back by bus and then staying in his house alone on Sunday with her 15 year old friend. He doesn't have any contact numbers for the parents holding the party. I'm in another part of the country this weekend with my step children. What would you do?

I wouldn't let my DD go. I would make her come with me for the weekend.

I wouldn't necessarily mind her being in the house with a friend on the Sunday, as long as I knew the friend and DD was happy with it.

I would not knowingly let her go to a party with alcohol, definitely not leave her to get the bus home to an empty house. Who knows how drunk she may get, whether she would be capable of getting a bus home, or whether she got home. Very wrong IMO.

Does she live with him or is this a contact weekend? Either way it's out of order but if it's his contact weekend and he's arranged to go away and leave her then what sort of a message does that send?

That would be a big nope from me. Either he stays home or she goes with you.

Thank you, thats helpful advice.

She lives 50/50 with both of us, so its his weekend with her. How do I make him stay home with her? I think I need to come back from the other side of the country....

If he doesn't think it's a problem, then I don't think you can make him stay. Seems a bit of a strange way of 'spending the weekend with your daughter'.
I think leaving a 14yo alone for a whole weekend isn't ideal.
If you can't trust him to do the right thing, then I think she has to spend the weekend with you.

As a mum to a 14 yo DD I'd say this is too much too young.

But you know your daughter best... couldn't she stay at the house where the party is?

Thank you, I'm going to come back for Sunday. It has meant that my daughter is arguing with me, saying I need to know too much and I'm interfering. I resent being put in this position by my ex. I guess this is just part of being a responsible parent to a teenager.....

I'd go get her and keep her home and tell him that 14 year olds don't go to parties with alcohol, let alone unsupervised afterwards.

...and I'll try to contact the parents at the party for Saturday to see if she can stay there.....

I don’t let my 14/15/16 yo stay overnight after a party.

If they are going to puke on anyone’s carpet, it will be mind.

Your 14 yo will have no boundaries that night. I have hosted parties and have seen the state some children get into. Even if your DD is fine, doesn’t drink, if her friend does she will be responsible for her. As well as herself.

Absolutely arrange for her to stay over. They should be getting picked up by a parent at 14, not getting the bus home pissed.

BTW, it’s the sort of thing my XH would do. I have resigned myself to the fact that it is their turn now and I will be sat in my car outside various places, in my PJs, between the hours of 11-1am.

With that age and that sort of party, I would want an adult on hand, at the end of the phone. I also would be reluctant for her to travel back late at night on the bus (is she alone?)

I have a 15 year old ds, and I woudl leave him overnight and Sunday (although he is 15.5, not sure if I would have done when he was 14)

But the party on her own is the no no for me. I actually wouldn't want her at a party with alcohol at all age 14. I would still be reluctant now at 15. Will the parents be present at the party? Are you sure?

I wouldn't leave my 16 year old in that situation. 14 is ridiculous. She is a still a child.

Is there any way you can get her Dad the fucker to see that he is being irresponsible and needs to look out for his DD by being at home when it is his weekend to be the responsible parent?

IMO, she's too young. I'd offer to take her and pick her up and the step-children and your new partner/dh would have to come second - which I know is a really shit deal for them, but your DD came before them and needs at least one parent to keep an eye out for her.

I think also, that when have left ds, he has someone round the corner he can call on, really good neighbours who kno wus, and Granny is 20 minutes drive away and aware. I wouldn't leave him without backup, especially if I was out of the country!

I would want to be on hand to support her just in case. If you trust her, I’d let her go to the party but offer to pick them up and take them either home with you or to dad’s house.

I stayed overnight alone for several days at a time at probably 13 but because my mum was a single parent and traveling for work. She never would have left we home alone just to go camping! Especially if she’d had days when I wasn’t with her (I lived with her 100% and had little contact with my dad). I definitely went to parties and drank at 15 and stayed away overnight, but I always knew I had a parent I could call if needed. I think I would at least want to know she got home safely.