Dd 2.5 bedtime battles

[graysor]

Any advice on how best to deal with toddler delaying tactics at bedtime?

Dd 2.5 has always been a nightmare getting ready for bed and going to sleep. It’s just getting worse as she is a very wilful toddler.

How do you deal with the constant demands for one more story (or other similar delaying tactic)?

This is how it typically pans out for me: I clearly state what’s going to happen. E.g. this is the last story dd. At the end of this story I’ll turn the light off and you lie down and close your eyes. Dd replies yes, happy and calm and quiet in her cot. All good.

At the end of the story dd asks for another one. I reply, no dd. That was the last one. No more stories, sleepy time now. Dd kicks off. Screaming, crying, standing up, pulling her sleeping bag off, demanding another story. I remain calm and quiet and say again no more stories, sleepy time now. Dd carries on raging. I try and ignore. She pulls books off her shelves and tries to give them to me. I say no dd, no more stories. She rages, working herself up into a real state. Won’t lie down, is just adamant she wants another story.

I know at this point giving in is totally counter productive because a. She’ll just demand another story after this one. And b. She’s learning that by raging she eventually gets her own way.

But what to do? How long is it ok to leave her raging in the hope that she’ll eventually get the idea and give up? I really don’t know how to handle this.

Help!

It sounds like you're handling it really well. It's so hard isn't it! I have 3 kids, and my youngest has just turned 2 so we're entering this phase now. I always read 3 stories. Never more. After the 3rd story I put her in her cot and say goodnight. If she has a paddy, I leave her for 10 minutes and then go to her. I don't say much except 'it's bedtime' and then tuck her in if she needs it. Repeat every 10 minutes until she eventually gives up and goes to sleep!

Mrsoutnumbered sounds like you’re better at sticking to your guns than I am. If I left dd raging for 10 mins she’d be absolutely hysterical. And I don’t think she’d then have any chance of calming down enough to lie down and go to sleep.

All children are different - it sounds like yours gets a lot more upset than mine - my lo puts it on as she always starts laughing as soon as she hears me coming up the stairs! I don't know if I could wait 10 minutes if she was hysterical.

It is a battle, I'm not sure what you can do except middle through somehow.

Muddling through is definitely my default approach!

graysor I am having this same issue with my DS who is 2y 2mo. He’s a ‘wilful’ boy and I adore him obvs but bloody hell he doesn’t have tantrum. It’s about stories for us at the moment. It is almost as if he’s testing boundaries and I have to stay super consistent. A month ago it was refusing a bath. Before that something else.
But it’s exhausting. Last night he was so hysterical I had to go back into him and cuddle him to stop the choking sobs. Made a rod for my own back there but am 8.5 months pregnant with number 2 so quite frankly I just needed to have a seat
I’m trying to maintain the same approach as you. Clearly explainingwhat’s going to be happening and remaining calm.
We shall persevere and overcome. It can’t go on forever - right?!

Half! Not have.
Wish there was an edit button

Personally I just say no and do the normal bedtime stuff and then walk out. Usually he kicks off for a bit and then calms down after about 5 min. Grandparents have been trapped in there before, as of course as soon as you stop reading the screaming begins, and they won’t believe me that he won’t calm down until you leave and genuinely think he’ll be happy with just one more story!

That probably doesn’t work for every child, but DS has self settled from very young. Also consistency at bedtime between you and partner helps I think. It’s extremely frustrating though. I do go back in if he’s not settled after 10 min ish, but 9/10 times he is fine.

KTD our dc sound v similar, we’ve just come out the other side of a looong bath refusal phase.

Dd has never been able to self settle. So we still always have to sit with her till she’s asleep. I’m desperate to get out of this (also pregnant with dc2) but at least I don’t have to rock her to sleep anymore!

Oh that sounds so familiar! My DD is 2.5 years, went through a similar thing. We have story time with her big brother, then she'd go into her bedroom, meek as a lamb, kisses, she lies down in bed. Shut the stair gate and she transformed into some kind of rage filled monster! After a few months of being patient and trying to talk her down, cuddle and kiss and settle her, I'd had enough. So I left her to kick off. After a week or 2, probably longer, it stopped. She's doesn't do it anymore. It's horrible to listen too, especially when she's crying for 'mummy, mummy, I want my mummy' but it's not real upset! It's a case of blocking it out and letting them get in with it and learning it won't get a reaction! Saved my sanity!

I manage this by only having two books in her bedroom (we pick them from downstairs and take them to for bedtime). She can take the books to bed with her if she wants to read them again.
Also if she does get upset about more stories we have a cuddle and a sing before bed. Then i’m Not giving in on the story thing but also not putting her to bed hysterical.

But if push came to shove i’d Leave her to cry if she was being crazy. I’d go up every 10 minutes or so. She is our second and i’n Way firmer with her than her brother!!!

puddleduck that’s what I need to do. But I just can’t bear it!

Katy - taking only 2 books upstairs is a good idea. All ours seem to be migrating up into dds room. I’ll have to rearrange and see if that helps.

I’ve tried distracting her by saying no more stories but let’s have a song instead. But we just end up in the same situation of demands for one more song one more song etc. Or the even more annoying: I want another song. Ok, last one then sleepy time. Do you want x song or y song? No. Ok song a or song b? No. Ok you tell me which song. No. Ok no songs then, sleepy time. But I want a song! Followed by crying and raging.

Mine did (does) similar. You ‘just’ have to ignore her. She’s pushing the boundaries and you have to show that the boundaries are there! It’s hard but she’ll get the message and realise that you mean what you say. My DD (3.5) has been very challenging on lots of things but is thankfully settling down a bit now. I had to man up and stop pandering to her! Worked wonders. Good luck!

Have you tried ditching the cot. Lots of babies/toddlers reach a point where they realise they are trapped and can’t get to you if they need and don’t like the feeling. A move to a bed/taking the side off the cot/a floor bed may help. DS was immediately better after we ditched the cot. I didn’t have the same issue with DD but still moved her to a bed at around 18m. She’s almost 2 now and will get out of bed and potter about her room and we sometimes have to put her back to bed a few times but generally she’s pretty good and will get back into bed of her own accord and go to sleep. And she’s certainly not a placid toddler. She ferocious compared to DS.

Yep losing the cot is on the to do list. Maybe that will help. I could take the side off the cot as an interim measure, but would have to get a duvet first, as she’s still on her sleeping bag and i wouldn’t want her getting up and falling over!

She’s definitely pushing boundaries, and I know that’s exactly what it is! It’s just so hard to stand my ground at the end of the day when we’re both tired and cranky and she’s really kicking off. But I need to woman up and just deal with it. I’m pretty good about other stuff, but bedtime is a definite weak spot of mine!

We had to take my dd out of her cot because she claimed out and I was paranoid she was going to break her neck 🙈 so she would kick the shit out of her stair gate instead. I don't know which one was worse tbh. She would also wake up in the middle of the night and do the same thing. I would check on her when she first woke but my DH would tell me not to go to her after because it was an attention thing. If it went on longer than 10 minutes (v v rare) I'd go to her but otherwise she'd settle herself. It is so hard though so I absolutely get it. DS slept like a log from so early on and never kicked off at bedtime that dd was a shock! I also think she's a teensy bit spoilt