DH always wants my attention when I'm busy with DC!

[Earmuffs]

Pregnant with DC2 and really concerned about some of DH's needy behaviours when I'm busy with DC1, let alone when im soon going to be dealing with 2!

Whenever I'm playing a game with DC1 or teaching him something whilst DH is cooking/washing up he cant help but start making conversation with me or asking questions.

I anticipated it today and Im not in the best mood after a tiring day at the hospital seeing consultant/midwife/nurses for a range of pregnancy complications Im having.
I began helping DS with some writing after dinner and within minutes as DH was cleaning the kitchen (I cooked before anyone tells me what a hero he is for doing his share of domestic work) he began asking me "is this for the bin. Even this?" I answered in a frustrated tone hoping that would be it, only to be met with "are these clothes clean in this basket or dirty? Shall I take the washing out of the tumble dryer?" 5 minuted later. He just cant leave me alone with DC to do anything. If I'm doing bedtime, he will shout upstairs to me about something non-urgent too. Im dreading what its going to be like with DC2 aswell. He's going to need to start thinking for himself and stop trying to engage my attention or I genuinely dont know how I'll cope.
Today, I completely lost it and had an argument with him as I just couldnt concentrate on DS at all. I apologised to DS and said we would do it tomorrow and now sat in my car feeling like a terrible mother in tears as I had to get out of the house. I know I've over-reacted but I'm just so tired, stressed and hormonal and have no idea how I'm going to cope with DH's constant chatter/questions/attention seeking when DC2 arrives. If I try and tell him how I've gone on at the hospital later on, he will no doubt switch off! He only ever wants my attention when he cant have it!!
Ive told him that interrupting me to ask questions that he could figure out himself or wait to ask is rude when I'm busy with DC. He says I'm rude for reacting the way I did. I cant win.
Any suggestions?

Is he doing it for attention or is he doing it because he genuinely doesnt know what he is supposed to be doing? Either way have you tried non-answers “when I’ve finished xxx i will have a look” or “dont; care, choose for yourself” or just not answering?

I think you are overreacting. Life with kids is dealing with the mundane and chores whilst also trying to entertain the kids at the same time?

Starting suggestions.

Develop selective deafness. Don't answer these questions. If he shouts up at bedtime, ignore him.

Swap with him when he interrupts you - so say 'you take over reading / writing help/ whatever while I check'. Don't go back. Sit down instead and let him finish the job. (He doesn't seem to do a lot of the child-focused tasks..)

Say 'I'll tell you when I've finished here' and repeat as necessary. Polite but not stopping what you're doing.

I initially replied with "Im just busy with DC at the moment"
He replied with "For heaven sake it will only take a few minutes for you to answer"
I ignored him.
Then "can you please just answer this simple question and stop being ridiculous."
He just hounds me until he gets a response. I respond and then hes on to his next question 5 minutes later. After I snapped at him and gave him his answer anyway, he never did anything with the washing and left it in the tumble dryer anyway. I asked him why he had caysed such a fuss only to leave it there and he said "I was too angry by that point to do it."

You've already got 2 dc, OP...

Next time he's busy with something, do the same to him and see how he likes it.

Are you hormonal? As you do sound unreasonable. He's doing the housework, he needs to consult you at times. If it's constantly then maybe h needs to learn to decide these things for himself. It does annoy me when my DH asks way too many queations, like im his mother.

I would find a way of telling him to use the brain he was born with instead of dumping more mental work on you.

Maybe pick a calmer moment when the child is not around and telling him he is not a daft teenager but a fully grown adult who can use his intelligence to see what needs doing.

Failing that I would add that helpless and attention seeking in an adult male is just pathetic and he reminds you of a whiny toddler!

Seems he has a case of male selective incompetence.

As the woman, aka household manager, he feels he needs to defer to you when it comes to chores etc. But I bet he isn't so useless when he's at work - he gets on with it.

So you need to point out that you aren't the boss and he isn't your underling, so he has to bloody well think for himself (or at least wait until a suitable moment to ask you stupid questions).

MAN CHILD

My ex did this, more when I was doing a household task though, he'd interrupt, like he needed my full attention all the time. Exhausting!

Surely those are yes or no answers? Just answer yes or no and carry on

It is irritating to be constantly interrupted with trivia. The only excuse he could have is that you are over critical and you like things done in a certain way and that's why he keeps asking. You need to reach a compromise on this though. Exactly what that is I'm not sure. Because this seems to be escalating out of control.

He's rude. If you were conversing with an adult would he interrupt? What does he actually do with your child?

He needs to learn to just get on and do things - none of the questions were things he couldn't figure out himself.

Wait until you're both calmer, then discuss it. You can admit you were rude if you think it would put him into a better frame of mind (I don't think you were rude - you were exasperated. But it does help to apologise for starting an argument even if the argument is justified.)

You need to express to him that you need to be able to rely on him to be a fully competent adult - which means making decisions and judgements about things like what to keep/throw away or whether washing is dirty (I mean, a sniff test would suffice...) for himself without asking you for every little thing. Not going off in a strop and leaving needed tasks because he is "too angry" - that is not a luxury that parents of 2 children have!

Ask him how he would feel at work if one of his colleagues kept coming up to him and asking him extremely basic tasks about the job they were supposed to be doing, the job that the other colleague is being paid to be competent at without needing instructions all the time! Tell him it's as though he thinks you're his manager - yet you're actually both parents and adults with equal responsibility for the household stuff and children. And in fact a worker asking for constant direction from a manager would likely get short shrift. It doesn't matter if he makes a mistake occasionally - he'll figure it out, as long as he learns and observes and maybe changes his criteria in the future. If he claims that you'll be angry at him for getting it wrong, or this has been the case in the past, then promise (and mean it) not to make a big deal out of things - though that doesn't mean that he shouldn't use the best of his judgement to try and get it right. These tasks are not really hard.

And I totally agree about swapping more and letting him take more responsibility for childcare as well. Just kind of getting him into the mindset that this is a thing you're doing together, parenting/running the house is not your thing that he "helps out" with, and you value his input too. Note that this does require a degree of flexibility and trusting him to do things his way sometimes which won't always match yours. If that's something you've clashed over in the past it might take time to train yourself out of the habit of wanting to control how he does things, but if it's more that he's assuming this, rather than being a history of it it might just work to make it plain in the first place and give him that permission to make mistakes/get it wrong (after all, you must have got things wrong sometimes!)

You could definitely frame it as this has not been a big problem to date because with just one child to look after it was an annoying but manageable quirk and perhaps you've both settled into bad habits - with two you're feeling anxious about how much the work is going to increase and you need his hands on deck and make it out like it's a positive thing of how much you value and need his support and input and how excited you are to move into this new phase of your lives together, just anxious too. No problem with blaming pregnancy hormones for overreacting, if you think it will help, but do stress also that this IS making you feel anxious for the future and that something DOES need to change - that it's not a case of oh how funny, the silly pregnant lady overreacted to something which is not a big deal. It IS a big deal and he needs to be aware that you think that.

He is really good with DC. We take it in turns every week to help with his writing as asked by his teacher as he keeps forgetting how to write his name. When its DHs turn, I just leave him to it and get on with a few jobs. Every single time I sit down with DS, DH starts bloody question time. It makes me sad that Im not getting the uninterrupted time that DH is getting. I find it disrespectful tbh that he doesnt see my time with DS as important as his time.
Its all the time. Whenever I'm reading to, playing with, conversing with DS, DH starts trying to grab my attention. Ive mentioned it to him on countless occasions. Im someone who can't concentrate with background noise and all I can hear when Im with DS is the repetition of "Earmuffs,earmuffs, earmuffs." Until I respond and if he doesn't like my response, he starts an argument and then he has my full attention!

Have you ever tried mimicking his behaviour when he's with Dc? He may not realise how irritating it is!!

Ooooh my stbexh used to do this! I'd forgotten. Gives me the rage again just reading it. "Figure it out your fucking self you dimwitted imbecile." would be my most likely response considering hormones and one child already. My 11 year old doesn't need that kind of hand holding with laundry fgs! He's doing the whole learned helplessness thing so that you'll get annoyed with him and just do it yourself to save his pestering.