Lonely parent

[tinyhappyalien]

None of my friends are mums.

In the 10 months I have been a mum, I've never felt so isolated or alone.

I take my little one to various classes throughout the week on my days off to try and mix with other mums/babies but I find it all very cliquey.

Today, I arrived and bought me a drink and a food pouch for my baby. I asked a lady who was sat alone with her baby if it was ok to sit at that table as there was no other space she said "no my friends will be here in 30 mins" - IT WONT TAKE ME THAT LONG TO FEED MY BABY

I went to the next table and the lady said "these are taken too"

So here I am STOOD at the side of the room with my little one in his high chair. I realise how pathetic I am posting here but I'm sick of being so alone.

Oh that’s awful of her to say that to you. What kind of group were you at?

It was at a local play centre which you pay to get in (not that it makes a difference)

You can play with the various play stations etc or attend structured classes/groups. It was a rhyme time thing today.

I'm probably being sad but I just would've been nicer if it was the other way round!

I’d have a look for something else on that day. Does your library (if you’ve still got one) run any groups? They’re often free. Have you tried the Mush app too?

They do a great class on a Tuesday but I can't go now I've just returned to work :(.

I will certainly look into that app though, thanks.

Unsure about libraries as I know our sure start finding has gone so the free classes we once had no longer exist. Unsure if they're linked....

I’m crap at making friends so I’ve no advice but they were really shitty to you OP, that says way more about them than it does about you and was very unfair.

I'm really sad and annoyed that these women were so rude, perhaps unthinkingly but that's no excuse

I second the mush app, peanut so also meant to be good

Thank you ladies. It's probably me being overly sensitive!

In the examples you give I don’t think you’re being over sensitive at all OP.

Op I know how you feel. Ive been to a soft play area and everyone is in a group and some of them look at you like you're no one. I also feel alone and isolated and none of my friends or family have babies. It's hard. Tbh I like going to work to have some kind of interaction.

Why are some people so nasty. I'd never dream of doing that! You are not being over sensitive

It wouldn't have bothered me if her friends were 5 mins away but to see I'm trying to feed my child while she has another half hour to wait on her own, that's what got me!

I don’t think you are being over sensitive either

Oh OP I'm sending you a big hug, I am you! I was so excited when I was pregnant with my first at the thought of all the new friends I would make and how much I would enjoy my maternity leave but I discovered very quickly that most baby groups have cliques and even baby classes do. I might just be very unlucky but I seem to live in an area where everyone has friends having babies at the same time and they're very closed off to welcoming a new person in to their groups.

The women saving seats were bloody rude. I would've invited you to sit down and made you welcome.

Ah @Idontknowwhatithink thank you so much.

It's a time when we could really do with support, I think some people just don't think!

Hope you and Little one are well :)

I’m so sorry OP. That’s horrible of those women. What is wrong with people? I hope you’re feeling a little better a few days on.

I feel the same as you. I’m 18 months into mat leave and am so desperately lonely. I can’t get a job at the moment for various reasons, so I get no adult interaction except with DH. I’ve tried going to all the baby groups and have tried to chat to the other mums, but at best they’re polite for a few minutes then shut down the conversation and go back to their cliques. It’s horrible and I really don’t know what I can do to make friends .

I have found it the same with my 9 month old - even with Mush! I get no more than a smile or talking about their names at the very best of times. Either that or weirdly (I find it weird anyway), mums who only really want to stay friends with people who have boys too? That is really getting on my nerves, what difference is a piece of anatomy at this age anyway!?

Where are you OP, happy to be a mum friend if you are nearby!

No, you're not being sensitive. It's that just you met horrible and incosiderate mums. I hope you're feeling better now. Just ignore them next time, Im sure you'll find the right mum-friend soon.

NoSleepNever - I have found the same thing too! Crazy isn’t it. Ignoring the fact you can be friends with people of either sex at any age, kids are just kids and don’t even know/care that they’re a boy/girl. They just want to play and have fun!

That sucks OP, and they suck too! I get on very well with the NCT mums but we don't meet up very often it's more chatting online. I've gone to massage, didn't really get further than baby chat, a sensory group where it was a bit cliquey but me and another mum made the respective cooing over our babies. Saw her again in a fitness class, and was fortunate enough to go to a coffee morning group on their very first session so everyone was in the same boat. So far nothing has progressed to coffee etc , I'll keep trying though. It's bloody hard, I'm not outgoing at all and takes me a while to relax and let people in (result of childhood bullying being I still think why would anyone want to be friends with me and then get defensive..arrgh!) Oh and I cannot do small talk, hate it!!

I might consider Mush, it's a bit scary though, and there's stupid part of my brain going 'well well, having to turn to online mum dating seeing as you can't click with people the normal way!' which I know is daft!