No pudding without eating main?

[GythaEsmeMagrat]

My 19 month old DD has a very sweet tooth, and quite often when she's presented with her main meal she'll eat very little and then start shouting 'pud pud!' (Her 'pud' is usually a pot of yogurt, more rarely a small custard or rice pudding - nothing too exciting.)

I still let her have pud at the moment even if she's not made much effort with her mains.

How early can you introduce the idea that you don't get pudding until you've had a fair crack at the main course? Would be great to hear from people who've been through this.

DD is quite advanced in her language skills compared to others her age, but is 19 months too young to try to explain this concept? Without pud she will protest loudly - and I'm worried she won't sleep for hunger.

Now!
Hide the yoghurts in the fridge, maybe use them as a snack and not relatable to a meal?

I'd stop 'pud' 'pud' completely until she is eating better personally.

When she’s old enough to understand the concept. At that age, we didn’t always offer fruit or yogurt after dinner, only some days. But I would say by around 2 we would offer it most days but only if she ate her main nicely. I think it depends on how you feel her comprehension is now. They don’t need a pud so I wouldn’t feel you always need to offer it anyway. Just top her up on milk before bed.

At that age I would be pleased she was eating and would offer her main again after the pud was “all gone”. I only gave fruit or yoghurt for pudding at that age though.

Hide pud, and only offer if a reasonable amount of main is eaten.
if she says pud pud, then say - first this, then pud. and stick to it!

I was never rigid with this with my kids, I didn't want to go down the sweet things as a reward for eating route.
BUT I did, from an early age, say if you are hungry you need to eat the meat and veg, that's the healthy part. If you aren't hungry enough for the healthy part, you're not hungry enough for the rest.

I never made them eat everything just a reasonable portion.

I felt it was important that they learnt when they had had enough and said I am full too.

My daughter is 2.5 and we are just introducing that rule. We’re flexible obviously and don’t make her eat loads but she can’t just push her plate away and ask for cake.
She had a 6 year old brother too so gets the message from him.

We don’t have pudding often and it’s only really fruit pots with occasional choc pud or ice cream. We have never made any kind of issue with it and if he asks we give him it. He puts his fork and knife on his dinner plate and says he is finished but then mid pud, or after pud goes back to main. You might find that she will do this. I am no expert though and constantly worry I am getting it wrong. My LB has just turned 3 and only sometimes asks

Thanks everyone, I don't think I can separate 'pud' from mealtimes as she's been used to having fruit or yogurt after a meal since very young and isn't likely to forget it. (This was from roughly following the meal plans in the book Feeding Your Baby Day by Day.)

I'll try leaving her mains on her tray during her pud and encouraging her to go back to it.

I'm not aiming to get to eat ALL her main course before pud - her appetite can vary wildly from day to day and I don't want to make her think she has to eat once she's full. Besides, I have been known to leave some of my mashed potato uneaten because I know there's a crumble in the oven...

I was thinkinf of this thread last night when my 10 month old was alternating mouthfuls of bolognaise sauce and yogurt!

I don't restrict pudding (also usually yoghurt) until I think dc has eaten enough as I don't want him to think of pudding as a reward for eating more. I have food issues and I'm trying my best to avoid him having any.

He gets the same tiny amount of pudding no matter how much main he eats. If he hasn't eaten much I give him his pudding and leave his main meal in front of him. 9/10 times he will eat a little pudding and then go back to his meal, then finish pudding. He isn't filling up on pudding, that's only the case if I kept giving him as much as he wanted.

We don't really do pudding but when I give DS yoghurt and/or fruit as part of a meal I just let him have it as and when - on the side, in the middle, at the end, it doesn't matter - if he is still hungry after not finishing food then I do explain he can have the rest of his food! I don't mind if he tries a bit and doesn't like it - but then the fill up food options are "anything which is real food" - aka ham, cheese, bread or fruit/vegetables, and ever since he's been able to put it together himself that's been the deal.

Yoghurts, cereal bars and such including any snacky food products like babybel cheese, crackers, or pepperami are rationed as a one a day thing unless present in a lunchbox, which is more expense related than health related really but it is a handy filter to stop him living off salty/sugary snacks.

I don't think it's a big deal if you're not having massively unhealthy puddings all the time. A crumble I'd be okay with too since it contains fruit and it's fairly substantial, but mainly because I'm not arsed to make one often enough for it to be an issue. Since he started having access to sweets etc that's also limited and can't be used as an "I'm hungry..." thing - sweets are not food IMO.

You really can separate pudding from mealtimes, she's 19 months, they're extremely adaptable at that age and she'll adjust in a few days. Also you could switch sweet yoghurt for plain and make it part of the meal. DD never got pudding with meals, I didn't want her to grow up seeing desserts as standard every day. DS will sometimes get rice pudding or plain yoghurt, as he is a but of a bottomless pit, but not every day.

Can you use the yogurt and fruit as a snack not a 'pud'? and space it out a bit more? So that she doesnt associate seeing her meal with the hope of getting pud, and can focus on eating her actual meal?

So leave some hours before giving yogurt after she has eaten a meal.

Does she have 2 puddings a day as I would reduce it to one .

My Ds doesn’t get pudding every meal particularly if I made a big tea .

If you can’t give one. A tiny portion of fruit at lunchtime then she will learn pudding doesn’t fill you.

Personally I try to avoid the concept of finishing (or eating most of) your food and being rewarded with more food! In fact I try to avoid the entire concept of food as a reward (although I admit that I did cave when it came to potty training!).

So I never insist on main meal being finished before you get pudding. The two are completely separate IMO.

It seems to be working so far. My three DC are all good eaters and a healthy weight.

Your daughter only as a ‘sweettooth’ through learnt behaviour. Why eat her main boring meal when she’ll get something much tastier afterwards. Learnt behaviour that you can change and should.

Everyone seems so virtuous with only yogurt and fruit for pud. I used to make all kind of puddings for my children.....apple pie/crumble with custard, rice pudding, steamed jam/treacle pudding, lemon meringue pie.... They were thin teenagers, and now thin adults. They still appreciate a home-made pudding when visiting.

I don’t think everyone is virtuous simply this is a problem for op.

My Ds had a cake at cricket . No pudding as wasn’t very hungry lunchtime and I did a huge cottage pie for tea so no need . He had 2 chocolate bars for pudding yesterday . It’s about it not been expected all the time and seeet foods not been a reward for eating savoury

Yum eddie, can I come to your house?

I am too tired most days to make all of those things

I second those saying don't make food a reward. Let her have some 'pud' at the same time - she may well go back to eating the savoury dish.

I don't agree with the whole 'No pudding if you don't eat your main'. Sweet stuff shouldn't be used as a reward and other foods as punishment.

My DS2 is a bit like this, even now he's 3. He definitely has a sweet tooth. I just gave him everything all at once when he was younger which actually helped. Now he's older, we do main first and then usually DS1 finishes before he does and starts looking for something to have afterwards. So they get their second course at the same time. I leave DS2 dinner out so he can go back to it if he wants, sometimes he will, sometimes he won't.

You need to think about what messages you would like to give her to form the basis of her relationship with food.

Do you want her to think that savoury food is something to be endured in order to receive the reward of the sweet food, thereby making the sweet food all the more desirable?

Do you want her to grow up listening to her own appetite, i.e. her own hunger/full/what does my body need cues or eating the amount someone else has determined she should eat and ignoring her hunger cues?

Do you want food and mealtimes to become a battleground in which she, like all children has the upper hand?

Why is it important that sweet is eaten before savoury?

I would change the yoghurt to something less sweet, e.g. unsweetened natural yoghurt with some fresh fruit for a start. Then I would decide how much of that it would be reasonable for her to have as part of the healthy balanced diet you provide and make only that available.

Then I would be perfectly happy for her to eat the food I had made available, including the yoghurt, in whatever order she liked, taking as much or a little as she wants of what is on offer. I wouldn't comment on her choices or try to push the savoury.

That way she learns not to view sweet foods as rewards or savoury as something to be endured. If she only eats the yoghurt for a meal, there won't be enough to fill her up so she will be hungry at the next meal time which will make the savoury a lot more attractive to her.

Don't be scared to let her get hungry. Try to limit snacks so that when the savoury arrives at the table she is enthusiastic to eat. I don't mean starving and distressed; just looking forward to eating.

Stop trying to negotiate over food. You provide a healthy balanced diet and it is her job to decide what food from that selection goes in her mouth. When she's finished, take the food away without comment, including without praise. Any other approach is unnecessarily controlling and much more likely to make food a battleground.

Rules about food are a really bad idea, especially for girls. Food as a reward is also a bad idea.
Food is fuel and different people like different things.

I bet if you switch to a natural yoghurt with no sweet fruit for dessert, she’ll stop asking for it altogether & just go with the main.

Agree with leaving the main out. My 2 year old often goes back to his main, sometimes alternating mouthfuls, e.g fish, yoghurt, fish, yoghurt.
Not what I would want to do but it means he eats more.
As others have said, I'm quite conscious not to make the pudding into a reward. Sometimes he has it, sometimes not, but it's not dependent on the main meal being finished first.