4yo with 'Red Mist'

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My 4.5 yo DS gets the Red Mist and I've not got a clue how to handle it anymore. He gets short flashes of anger and aggression, usually resulting in hitting the closest person, and then it's gone just as quickly. I can actually spot the dark look he gets in his eyes as it happens. It's becoming a problem as he's hurting other children at Pre School and we've been called in to talk about it. We've tried consequences, taking privileges away and being gentle with him but it's not working. I also can't think what might be behind it as he's being having these episodes since he was about 16 months old. I'm terrified as my DBro has BPD, does anyone know if it's hereditary? I've asked DS what happens as he just says he doesn't know and can't help it.

Any ideas??

Hmm you could try vocalising his feelings when you see the shutters come down - you are feeling really angry! You're really cross because xyz.

Another idea - hand him a pen and paper - quick show me how you're feeling.

No idea if they're any good. Both from how to talk so kids will listen.

Yes @BellyBean that book is amazing. I'm struggling when I'm not there like when he's at pre school. I want to equip him with the tools to be able to cope on his own, but nothing I've suggested so far has worked

There is a book called the red beast you could get and read with him. It has lots of pictures and strategies for child to use when angry. It was shown to us on a course for teaching children with autism in early years and primary school but I remember thinking it would be good for all kids. Depending on your ds age it might be a little bit advanced. It says 5+ but strategies remain the same.
I taught a child in preschool who got like this. We could see his ears turn red as he stated being angry. It took a while but we tried teaching him strategies like counting to 10 etc. At this age he needed an adult to take him away from situation and tell him to do it. As he got older he became more able to recognise the feeling when he was going to get angry and he started to implement the strategies himself.

I've just looked that book up on Amazon @Smurf123 and it looks really interesting. I'll see if our library can order it thanks. Yes his ears burn too. I just wish I was around to swoop in and save him from himself. I'm just praying he grows out of it..