How can I build confidence in my six year old?

[Hellesbelles2]

Looking for some advice for my 6 yr old DS. He's always been shy and am looking for ways to help him build his confidence and maybe his resilience when it comes to school and friendships.

He's having a few friendship issues at school and without getting into the detail, I think part of the problem is that he just doesn't have the confidence to speak up for himself when he's unhappy or at a more even basic level to keep a conversation going with someone who he doesn't know well.

He's starting coming home saying that one or two boys decide what games are going to be played in the playground and everyone 'has' to play along. Today he was upset because he said the game was to chase him all playtime (rather than them taking turns to 'be chased' etc). Appreciate that am only getting his side of it but when I asked if he'd suggested that they swap turns he said no. Likewise last week he was playing on his own, even though the teacher tried to get him to join in. At home he eventually admitted that he was too shy to ask what the rules were so he could join in.

I know these seem really small things, but it's obviously upsetting him and while the teacher is lovely and trying to sort out the stronger characters in terms of making sure they play nicely together etc would really appreciate if anyone has ideas as to how I can build his confidence so that he can speak up for himself rather than him always feeling like the one on the outside wanting to get involved.

I think the main things you can are to just keep talking to him. With the chasing game I’d tell him that’s it ok to tell the teacher or the dinner ladies if he doesn’t want to be chased. Also keep telling him that if he doesn’t like the games that these two boys want to play, it’s ok to go and play with somebody else. Inviting a friend over for tea at this age usually helps with friendships too.

Does he do anything outside of school? DD goes to gymnastics and dancing and is on the list for Rainbows. Her confidence has improved massively. She knows she can do something and is good at something and also mixes with children who don't go to her school.

Agree with out of school activities. Cricket and Cubs helped my DS massively.

Just to add on

The increased confidence is helping with friendship issues at school. So she'll now come home and say "x wanted to do this but I didn't want to so I did this" or "I wanted a turn of this but y had it loads so I asked her for a turn when she was finished" whereas she just kept quiet before and cried at home.

My 6 year old daughter had issues like this at school the exact same situation. Like your DS she isn’t overly confident too. I spoke to the teacher and she sorted it all out at school.

I just spoke and said if

Thanks for everyone who commented. It's comforting to know that children have been able to come through the other side and develop more confidence over time.

I have got his name down for beavers as thought the same about this helping and actually think he would really enjoy it but he's still on the waiting list (hoping that he'll be joining in the next couple of months).

Just wish I could do more to help. The couple of times we've met up one to one with his friends, he's been pretty good and joined in well - I think it's the rough and tumble of the playground that doesn't help and even telling a teacher is a really big deal to him.

If you’re waiting for Beavers, I’d see if your local Cricket Club has anything on for him. Most have training for Juniors over the summer term and some run the All Stars Cricket Course too. My DS didn’t like the other children knocking him to him at football but has made some good friends through cricket.

Op i've just raised a post about my 9yr old ds that is scarily similar to yours!

Ds has lovely ttaits, very caring, funny, loves naturr, but hates too much boisterous ness and finds boys in his class too full on... Currently waiting to get him in a cubs, not sure how to deal witjout making him self conscious.

It's so hard isn't it? I was very shy as a child, although people at work don't believe me when I say it, so know that these things don't last for ever, but at the same time, don't want him to be upset and worrying about this stuff for the whole of his school years.

Will try and find an out of school activity to get him involved etc. We do football and swimming but the focus there seems to be on the activity rather than interacting and building social skills so will have a think about what else he could do.

Thanks everyone