Unhappy mum

[Romaniguana]

This is my first post on here but I joined for some hope I suppose. My first born baby is 6.5 months and I am miserable. I am finding the sleep deprivation and the monotony of the days at home very hard to deal with. I find my baby constantly whingy despite what I do to entertain. I miss my old work life where I had a purpose and find I am surrounded by mums who love motherhood, want to have second children and are satisfied. It makes me feel very lonely and like there is something wrong with me. I am aware that I may have developed post natal depression and have booked in to see the doctor next week. But aside from that are any other mums going through this or have been through it? Does it get better? Some days I don’t even like this little person I have brought into the world. Please no harsh comments, I would not be able to mentally deal with them right now.

I'm sorry you are going through this but trust me, it really does get better. When I had my DS I was in such a shock at how drastically my life changed. It felt like it was the end! I cried every day, mourning my previous life and my highflying job.
To be honest, I didn't do much to change it. Day by day as he grew things just got easier. The only thing I did was go out every single day, in the morning, and then be back by his nap.
He is now 2.5 and I swear I have no idea what life was like before him. I absolutely love him to bits and he is just so amazing.
Enjoy your DD, people say it flies so fast and it used to annoy me as every day dragged on but looking back they were right.
I am a bit ashamed to say this but when I was going through it the only people new that I was struggling were my parents and DH. So to the outside world I appeared like one of those mothers who is cruising through life but it wasn't the case.
Hang in there it does get better.

I can completely relate to your post, I have DD who is 14 months and Ds who is just 2 weeks.

I find that my experience as a mum is similar to yours, and the monotony is something I find very hard. Like you, friends and poeple I meet at baby groups tend to adore being a mum, but for me it doesn't come as naturally. I'm hanging onto the fact that perhaps I'm just not a baby/toddler mum, and will come into my own when they are preschoolers etc.

Oh dear,I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way...I felt the exact same when ny first son was born(resented him being there if I'm honest),wished I could turn back time. I started talking to friends,family,doctor who all helped and over time,it became a lot easier,now he's grown up,I barely remember those times,like a distant memory. But I definitely think,having time for yourself is paramount.....otherwise it's a daily,nightly repetitive on going,never ending slog,and it doesn't need to be x

I have a 6 month old and I'm struggling with the monotony too. DS is very whingy and not much seems to entertain him. He adores his daddy so that is a big help. I also try to get out every day.

I felt like you and had counselling for post natal depression. I'm still not sure if it was actually post natal depression or just a normal reaction to being exhausted and bored. The counselling did really help but going back to work 'cured' me. Is that an option for you any time soon?

You are definitely not alone! DD is 18 months now and was horrendously whingy at that age (if not whinging, screaming). Any outlet I did have (mums and babies' groups) I felt I had to give up because the stress of having to calm her down constantly in front of people I didn't know that well wasn't worth it. One night I cracked and cried to DH, "I wish she'd never been born." It wasn't the sleep depravation or monotony (not entirely) - I honestly meant it. It was precisely how I felt at the time.

It really does get better - 8/9 months was a turning point for me - and I don't feel that way any more. I'm on mat leave again and I'm actually ENJOYING the time we have together. I never would have thought I'd say that in a million years.

It is worth talking to your GP about PND. Also, make sure you have little things to look forward to. A friend of mine used to go and get her nails done once a fortnight, mostly just to have an adult conversation away from the baby. That hour was sacred to her. Mine was going for a walk with my headphones on at full blast no judgement please

You are definitely not alone. Motherhood first time round is such a shock to the system. I regretted having my son many times over as I was just so bored with the sheer drudgery of it all and ‘me’ disappearing somewhere. It’s a difficult time and those mothers saying how wonderful it is are either bullshitting or on something. Really, how does anyone enjoy being sleep deprived, clearing up poop, being around a little person who has no regard for anyone other than itself? Hang on in there. It’s hard now but it does get easier. Soon your lovely baby will be a little more independent, you won’t need to constantly think how to entertain him/her all the time. Over time he/she will start sleeping for longer and you will start to get some time back for yourself. I think the first year of a baby’s life is incredibly hard going for first time mums. I promise you though that it will get easier. You just need to ride out the storm for now. I found carving out me time at the weekend essential for my sanity. DH used to have the baby on his own all day so I could go off and potter. That really helped me keep some sanity and when the week days got tough I always had my day off to look forward to.

Please don’t think you are the only mother with these feelings. You are not it’s just that most don’t feel they can talk about it which is a shame as I think that would help all new mums feel much better. Hats off to you too about being proactive with the doctor about possible pnd. I wasn’t and it cast an awful shadow over my first couple of years as a mother. I’m fine now but talking about your feelings and possibly getting some meds to help you feel better is a positive step. 💐

You are Not alone. 1 in 5 mums struggles with pnd and/or anxiety. My advice would be when you go to your Dr to say 'I have pnd, please refer me to someone who can help'. Some, not all, doctors can fob you off if you go in saying you're just tired etc. Hopefully you'll have a charity or specialist service in your area.

Can you do some keep in touch days at work? Or may be a slow phased return a day a week? Might help x

I struggled with the day to day monotony too - it was like ground hog day only worse!!! My two are 4 and 6 now and the boring, lonely days are now gone! I now go back to work, can go out and have some freedom back! I hated the age up to about 2 it was such hard work! Things do get easier and life is pretty good to be honest now and the girls are amazing and good fun to be around.

It’s hard work getting them to the age where they’re easier but by the tine you do the awful baby days will be a distant memory!

It gets lots better, babies are boring and that's something you don't really hear people talking about to be honest. I have a DS who is nearly three and a DS who has just turned one, my older DS kept me sane through the last maternity leave because I had someone to talk to who would talk back! I find little babies quite hard and they only really start being fun when they are between 1-2 years old. After that they are brilliant, I promise.

To be honest I am happier now I'm back at work part time. It's only 3 days a week so I still have time with the boys but it's not so monotonous.

Seriously, go back to work!

I can completely relate!
I hated (is that too strong a word?) the first 12 months with my baby... I'm sorry but I did !
He just took took took, woke every 45 mins to 3 hours and never once slept through!

But something happened at 12 month and he is a joy, he giggles, walks and entertains himself and can give me kisses and hugs and HE SLEEPS THROUGH !

I am working back full time now, but I think when they start giving back they become much more fun

Yes, go back to work!! I work full time as I can't stand toddler groups, arts and crafts etc so leave that to the professionals 😂 went back when mine were 9 months ecery time.my 1 and 2 year olds love it, and I'm a better mum for it as i really look forward to our weekend's together.