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Original poster

Anyone working on little sleep or survived it?

35 replies

Chosenbyyou · 27/04/2018 06:19

I am working compressed hours 34 in four days in a role which is quite full on. I do enjoy my job.

I am struggling as my youngest,who has just turned 1, sleeps badly. Some nights he is really good and wakes up once and then other nights he is awake for hours.

I have been back to work for almost four months and I feel like my performance has dipped. I'm off a lot as he is ill from nursery and I am also then ill.

My DH is in the same boat but he is a shift working doctor who works a lot at night and weekends. He has both children a day a week on his own.

Just wondering if anyone has survived this with their job intact?!

Anyone also in this situation - I feel quite alone! Friends seem to have sleepers or are stay at home patents.

Any tips?! :)

OP posts:

TheMasterNotMargarita · 27/04/2018 06:28

it gets easier. And you will look back and think how did I do it?!
I was on my knees with DD, her sleep was awful but improved drastically once she was at school.
Tips? Look after yourself doing the usual. Keep hydrated, eat well. You'll be more susceptible to illness if you are shattered.
Lower your expectations in other areas. An untidy house isn't the end of the world. Quick easy dinners won't kill anyone. I also became a bit of a hermit as so couldn't be bothered with socialising but that's perhaps not the best!
I love my job though and although tiring it did keep me sane at the same time. I could also pee/have a coffee in peace and talk to some adults about interesting things.

BikeRunSki · 27/04/2018 06:28

Me! I went back to work when dd was 15 months old. She did t sleep through the night until she was 3. It nearly killed me, there were days when I actually thought I was going mad.

I survived on Red Bull, flapjack and a very sympathetic line manager.

toomuchfaster · 27/04/2018 06:32

Me, went back to work FT when DD was 10months. She was waking hourly to breastfeed. Thought I was going insane as I was so tired. I stopped breastfeeding, which really helped for us, but she missed me. Unfortunately my confidence at work still hasn't fully recovered from those early days of poor performance.

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Bea1985 · 27/04/2018 06:43

I'm not back at work yet but after another sleepless night with my 4 month old DD, no family around and a husband who works all the hours god sends, I jut wanted to offer some solidarity!! She hardly naps either unless pushed in pram, as any cat naps taken in the house are my chance to eat, shower etc.

Yesterday I think I fell asleep for a moment standing up with my eyes open! Sometimes my vision gets blurred and i hardly access language/words to speak in sentences!

There is a mums and babies group on in 3 hours but I don't think i can face it ! The other mums don't even seem tired !

I can't imagine how hard it must be working long days as well..... The only advice I can offer is eat and drink well, try not to stress over small things if you can (I'm trying to ignore the state of the house and my appearance!) and know that this too shall pass!

Can you take any additional leave even if unpaid? Could you perhaps have the odd early finish to have a couple of hours to yourself ?

All the best!

Original poster

Chosenbyyou · 27/04/2018 06:50

Aww thanks for the messages that is really great!

I'm probably underplaying how unhappy I am but then you just have to keep going don't you?!

I really enjoy my job and like you Bea I am like a zombie! I am just Hoping I can recover this reputation and confidence knock.

Today I have been awake since 3.15 :(

Thank you for your replies means loads to me! :)

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 27/04/2018 06:57

I nearly quit so many times. But I do like my job.... dd is now 6, and the trouble is getting her out of bed. It does get better. Hang in there.

marthastew · 27/04/2018 07:01

Me too. I have 3 DC and have gone through this with all of them. Youngest is 1 and awful to get to bed and then wakes through the night. It does get better as hey get older and the game changer for us was when they got to school age - not saying that we you'll have to wait this long though!

It's really hard. For me the biggest impacts have been on my general alertness, the amount of enthusiasm I show at work and my memory. I now have to write everything down as when I've had a bad night it can affect how well I can recall information. I've also put on weight eating biscuits and things to get me through the day.

There is lots you can do to help - general self care, make sure that when possible, even if it's not often, you share night time stuff with DH, get to bed as early as you can etc.

It does get better!

marthastew · 27/04/2018 07:05

And they do get through the illnesses too. All kids go through this when they start to mix with large numbers of kids so nursery children go through it earlier than the children who stay home. They will go through it when they get to school though. It does get better I promise.

gamerwidow · 27/04/2018 07:09

Dd didn't sleep through consistently until she was 4. When I went back to work at 14 months she was still regularly waking for stretches of 2 hours in the middle of the night. Me and DH took turns each to be up with her and went to bed at stupidly early times in the evening and napped when ever we could at weekends to compensate. It is so so hard but we survived and so will you. To offer some light at the end of the tunnel she's 7 now and sleeps really well. One day you will look back in this time with a wry smile and be grateful you never have to do it again!!!

breadwidow · 27/04/2018 07:09

Yes! I think this happens to most working parents, sleepers are unusual. I returned to work after just under a year with DS but only 7 months with DD, both times were really tough. Some days better than others but generally I was going to work after broken or little sleep. Things have got better but they didn't get better in a straight line iyswim, they would get better, then illness or a developmental leap would come and they'd slip back, then things got better, then things slipped a bit etc.

My tips for coping:
Prioritise getting sleep and screw other routines so for me that = continuing to co sleep for quite a while
If breast feeding, google jay Gordon night weaning and give it a go. It worked pretty well with my son, not so much with DD but it's def worth a try
Speak to your manager and be honest about it
Don't be hard on yourself, your performance is probably better than you realise

Namechange128 · 27/04/2018 07:13

It does get better. Also, I know how hard it is, but it also helps to prioritise going to bed early enough to get rest - and accepting some trade offs in terms of the house / 'fun time'. After I went back to work with my second I was having to go to sleep early for this reason and losing control of the
house so got a cleaner one morning a week to do the big stuff and then one afternoon a lovely older lady who would come around early afternoon and sort out a few loads of washing, do a hour or two ironing as needed, change the sheets on all the beds, and then heat up a dinner I'd left in the fridge or freezer, it was very wonderful and gave me a few hours of time back. Sadly we couldn't afford if forever, bit was good for short term sanity saving!

You're not alone, good luck!

TeacupDrama · 27/04/2018 07:13

Tired people make mistakes, which is why sleep breaks and hours rules apply to pilots lorry drivers etc, tired drivers kill 10 times more people than drunk ones, as your DH is a doctor he can't be tired exhausted as making mistakes could endanger patients, l know it's unpopular here but maybe you could consider sleep training as your work will inevitably suffer. If you are exhausted all the time

Sleep deprivation is considered torture for a reason you are already aware how tiredness is affecting you so you need to plan more sleep somehow something has to give, there are no prizes for housework etc

Best of luck

Original poster

Chosenbyyou · 27/04/2018 07:18

Aww thank you yes my general alertness has completely gone! This is probably what I think is effecting me :(

Thanks again it really helps me xx

OP posts:

Bowlofbabelfish · 27/04/2018 07:20

Yup. Not really sure how I did it - failure not an option and all that. It gets easier, eventually. Until you have another one.

BodgingThisMumThing · 27/04/2018 07:20

Dextro energy tablets, I was sceptical at work but when my brain dips in the afternoon one of these makes me feel alive again.

koalab · 27/04/2018 07:30

My DD started nursery 3 days a week in Jan. We were both ill pretty much constantly until end of March. Luckily work have been understanding so far. But she still wakes up between 2 and a million times a night. She still breastfeed and that gets her back to sleep quickest so we cosleep to maximise the number of minutes I get! I know I'm not working to my best ability and I'm worried someone will notice soon or I'll make a mistake (wouldn't be life threatening, would just cost the company money and reputation). But I also don't feel I can tell work how I'm struggling. I was very tired and hormonal on Tuesday and cried all the way to work. I live for Fridays when I can have a nap with DD.

Sorry, that turned so long!

purplemunkey · 27/04/2018 07:40

Been therestablished, dragged myself through it! Went back to work just before DD turned 1, she didn't start sleeping through til about 2.5. It's bloody hard, I'm not sure how we managed TBH - you just do! Lots of early nights, taking turns in waking with DD, co sleeping ( getting kicked in the ribs for a few hours was preferable to no sleep at all, at least I was lying down!). Sticker reward charts helped us get her sleeping properly on the end, once she was old enough to understand it all, around 2ish.

Sleep when and where you can and keep going. You'll get to the other side eventually

purplemunkey · 27/04/2018 07:45

Bloody autocorrect! Just 'been there, dragged myself through it', no idea why my phone changed it to therestablished.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 27/04/2018 07:59

You're not alone OP! Yes my performance dipped and I had to put certain systems in place to double-check I hadn't forgotten A, B or C, that XYZ was correct etc. Luckily my team were very understanding as they could see I was on my knees.

My advice would be to give up caffeine as much as possible. I used to try to keep myself awake trough the day with teas coffees etc then at nighttime I couldn't sleep or would wake up early (think 3:30 am!). Less caffeine in the day = better sleep at night = more alertness the next day.

Good luck!

Wannabecitygirl · 27/04/2018 08:38

Yes, it sucks. It took 3 years before ds slept well. It seems like such a distant memory now but it was hell. I managed by going to bed the same time as him the day before work (usually 8.30) and having a horrible messy house for a couple of year. It does pass, have faith. And good luck. x

QueenofSerene · 27/04/2018 08:40

It does get easier, I went back to work when DD was 4months old and I was about 5wks pregnant at the time, managed to work up until 39wks dealing with a infant and the exhaustion of pregnancy, it’s hard but worthwhile if you enjoy your job.

Babdoc · 27/04/2018 08:50

You will get through it, even though it seems awful at present. I did 8 years as a junior doctor averaging over 100 hours a week, and the killer weekend shifts were 80 continuous hours on duty.
I survived by just sleeping whenever the opportunity arose. If I went to the cinema, I was asleep as soon as the lights went down. I fell asleep in my dinner a few times. On my off duty weekend I would sleep all day.
Try to go to bed ridiculously early - if necessary at the same time as the kids. Grab power naps whenever possible, eg lunch break, tea break, have 40 winks.
Keep reminding yourself that it will pass. The time will come when the kids sleep soundly all night, and so will you!

Original poster

Chosenbyyou · 28/04/2018 07:27

Wow that is amazing Queen and Babdoc!

Glad to hear from those who survived cuz I will just have to drag myself through it too I suppose.

Thank you for your replies really helps me :)

OP posts:

mammynowanauntyIRL · 28/04/2018 07:54

Couldn't read & run.
I've been there ds didn't sleep at night until he was 2.5, when magically one night he just slept all night and has done since, he's now 4.5.
Dh was getting up for work at 3am driving job so basically I did it all myself. Even bringing him into my bed didn't ensure sleep.
I've an intense job and at the time had a second job. I prioritised work and my children and exercise and life carried on as normal for dh since then I've given up second job and gave up tv too and basically I go to bed when dc do and I've still not caught up on my sleep I also catch everything going!

There's light at end of tunnel regarding dc sleeping and mine was the extreme case but you will survive and my work never suffered!

My friend at works boy was same age and was the same but she and her dh took every second night. Her health started to suffer but she was in a position to cut back her hours and her health recovered quickly once she did this and her ds started sleeping every night at about 16 months.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 28/04/2018 07:55

Myself and ds have an incredible bond due to spending so much time together though

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