Please reassure me I'm not doing an awful job...

[newmum19871]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to mumsnet but have been reading posts and can see people get lots of good advice on here.

My little girl is 5 weeks old and very much wanted after a devastating missed miscarriage last year. I lost my mum when I was 6, and don't really feel I have anyone who I can turn to. Honestly, I feel like I am floundering a little. I feel like everywhere I look I see people with these magic babies who sit and gurgle at their mummies, whereas my little girl basically just wakes up to feed, cries a bit and then goes back to sleep. The last couple of nights she has screamed for about an hour and half before bed time and it feels like nothing I do helps her.

I've reached out to a couple of people who have recently had babies, but they just tell me how brilliant it is and no one really seems to acknowledge that it is hard - which makes me feel like its just me!

I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm doing ok? I love my little girl to bits but am I not doing enough for her? I feel like I'm basically keeping her alive every day - when everyone tells me this should be a magical time of newborn cuddles!

Thank you xxxx

Yep, I'm on my 2nd (she's 7weeks tomorrow) and I feel pretty much the same. I'm currently sat in the car on the drive eating my lunch so I don't have to move them and wake them up! I felt the same with DD1. It does get better I promise you! Try not to doubt yourself - some people love newborns, all the cuddles etc and some (me included) find it really hard work.

Oh and magical constant cuddles, I don't get those! She's a pretty good baby on the whole but has cried all morning and just as we were about to leave the house puked all down my back! The joys of parenting

5 week olds don't sit and gurgle. They eat, sleep, poop, pee, and cry, and sometimes puke or spit up. Those babies that are sitting and gurgling at their mums are older than your baby. Your baby will start smiling (for real, not just a reflex), laughing, and gurgling, but that all comes later than 5 weeks.

Just remember you are the best mum for your baby. They are sheer bloody hard work. It will get better and a little easier when they are months old not weeks old. Again this depends on how much sleep you are getting, how much support you are getting from your partner ...

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Go to baby groups when you feel up to it. Don't be putting pressure on yourself to have the perfect home, perfect baby. Your baby loves you for being you, just as you love her for being her.

First of all you're doing an amazing job.. why I know this? Because you care so much you doubt yourself.

Every baby is different & I bet there will be a time where your little one is amazing & others feel like this.

My little girl is 6 months now & I can remember the first few weeks all I felt like was a milk machine! She's full on now & is so funny!

Remember not everyone wants to admit it's sometimes very hard. I've doubt everything I do xx

The fact that you wrote this shows how much you care foryour child and want the best..2nd i think you might have post natal hun which is normal as i didnt realise until my child was 2 that i had it..3rd it is completely normal to judge tour cjild with others n think why is mine like that..we all secretly do it babes but that'swhat parents do unfortunately the good ones always put themselves down..thereis no proper way of knowing as its all new and with support you will realise that you feel what we all feel and you are NOT a shit mom..keep up the good work and your baby prob only has teething probs or just gas hun but if you are concerned then speak to your health visitor do not be ashamed ok xx

And 1 advice i always give..get the ibto a bedtime routine fron day dot..i did with ds and dd and no problems 11 years later regarding that apart from getting phones n tablets off them lol..my ds never cried but dd did allll the time but everyday id watch hollyoaks then cbeebies 6.30 till7 then bath then read 3 lil pigs everynight..dont know why that book lol was a present but after yhe book animatedly read by me they would be relaxed and drift off..i never held them while i read either..left in moses basket/cot lights down low n still had my tv blasting in front room so they used to noise and i didnt have to creep round lol

I felt exactly the same. Having a baby is a hard reality shock! Some people do find it harder than others but there’s also a lot of ‘competitive parenting’ and not wanting to admit it’s hard.

You sound perfectly normal, as does your baby- the smiles and gurgles will come but not at 5 weeks.

Congratulations! It all sounds totally normal, my DD had a ‘witching hour’ (in reality it was more like 2-3 hours) where she would just cry in the evening. It would so draining. But it does get better. And any baby that is sitting or gurgling is not 5 weeks old!