Formula feed guilt...

[SophSoph92]

Just wondering if anyone is in the same guilt boat as me?

My 6 week old son is currently being bottle fed formula and expressed BM (80% the former and 20% the latter) due to many issues on my breastfeeding journey. I really wanted to breastfeed and I tried so hard but improper latch, nipple pain and damage, mastitis, thrush lead him to lose 11% of his original weight in 5 days and me to, on midwife advice, initially 'top up' feed my son formula in addition to the majority of expressed BM. He is now fed the majority formula because my milk supply has decreased- when my partner is at work I can't physically pump as often as I should to keep it up..

Wow....The fact I've started off justifying why he has formula at all just goes to show how guilty I feel! It's not what I wanted for my little one and it makes me sad. I dread having to feed him in public because I'm not breastfeeding and don't want to be judged!

Is anyone else in my situation and feeling this way? Or anyone fortunate enough to be breastfeeding and able to tell me if you have ever judged someone who doesn't?

Thanks in advance X

I EBF for 5 months, then started weaning and she became much less interested in breast milk. At 7 months we started giving her a bottle before bed time and she sleeps so much better - gone from having 2 feeds and 2-4 wake ups a night to sleeping through or having one feed. She now at 8mo has 3 breastfeeds and 2 bottles a day, as well as 3 meals + snacks, and it's working well for us. I wish I'd started giving her a bottle earlier really.

I have never judged any mother on the way she feeds her child, as long as they are fed. The one woman I did judge was a mum who said her 3mo was 'too chunky' so she was cutting him down to 4 bottles a day and 'putting him on salads' as soon as she started weaning.

I genuinely think bottle feeding is much harder than breast feeding. Washing, sterilizing, boiling, measuring, shaking up, leaving to cool... Its such a faff! I honestly respect bottle feeding mums a whole lot more since I've started giving my DD a bottle on a night.

I honestly think the whole debate is just daft. You do what's best for you and your baby and certainly don't make yourself ill trying to breast feed! Your child will thrive as you obviously care about their well being. Good luck with it all. Pumping is bloody hard work!

Can I just say I’ve FF fed both my kids from birth, I had zero interest in breastfeeding, and I’ve never experienced any sort of judgement from others watching me bottle/formula feed. I wouldn’t give it much headspace if I were you.

Wonem who formula feed say they feel guilty and have problems women who breastfeed do to. If people have a problem your surrounded by the wrong people. I long term fed my baby myself all the friends I chose formula fed or only breastfeed for a short time. It didn't cause an issue. Online how ever both formula feeders and bottle fed people can be vile.

Thank you everyone, I feel a lot more reassured, and like I need to stop judging myself because no one that matters cares at all; as long as he's healthy, and he is- the little chunk!
@Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays do you mind me asking how you've found formula/bottle feeders to be vile? X

I don't think so you need feel any guilt, you doing best for your baby.
I am still breastfeeding my 8 month old son, and I need say that sometimes I wish to I would bottle feed him, cause still waking up 3 times at night to feed him. And I feel shame of my wishes to stop breatfeeding just for my comfort.

SPELLing mistake formula feeders and breast feeders online are vile to each other sometimes. Not like in real life.
My friends did it completely different and we got on fine. In real life it's not an issue (however I've had some nasty comments but it's the sort of people who make nasty comments about anything o do so they are best avoided) online I'm always shocked at what I read.

He is being fed. Why worry about whether it is BF or FF. Whatever works for you and your baby. I BF my DD1 until 9 months and DD2 for 6 weeks then switched to FF. My DD2 FF her DD1 due to her being preterm and unable to establish BF. She was fine. She is now FF her newborn from birth.

There is enough guilt for mums to carry as it is let alone something as irrelevant as whether you FF or BF. Anyone who passes judgement is not worth bothering about.

I sympathise, my lo was jaundiced and too sleepy and frustrated to latch, so want getting enough fluids in. He went onto formula, which I think affected my milk supply and he continued to resist latching. I tried everything, including power pumping and supplementary feeding, domperidone but it didn't get better. I think we were probably 80/20 formula/bf, and mostly breastfed at night when he'd let me. It made me so sad, it wasn't until about month 3-4 before I could accept that it wasn't going to get better. It suddenly got better at 8 months when he became mobile and started occasionally expressing a preference for breastfeeding over bottle. I'm over the moon. I will probably continue as long as he will let me.

Just to add, you don't have to worry that people are judging you. I think mums are much more informed nowadays and will know that if you are bottle feeding it's either because you had a hard time breastfeeding or you have good reasons not to. When I went to baby classes to begin with, it broke my heart to see all the mums whipping their breasts out, and there was just me with my bottle, but they were all so focused on their own babies I never worried they might be judging me.

I came on here to start this exact same thread! I've had a few threads on here about bf not working out/ mixed feeding and now probably letting go of any bf at all. DD is 11 weeks.

Thank you for the thread and for all the supportive things everyone has said. This is why I love mumsnet

Sometimes BFing just doesn't work. The baby is fed and will be fine. Let go of the guilt.

Having said that, if you really want to breastfeed, I think it's not too late. A BFing consultant or a support group might help you with establishing latch and finding the right pace of increasing BF and decreasing FF.

Good luck!

Hey ladies! I only lasted 4 weeks due to lack of supply. And the more formula he had the less milk I could squeeze out. I was spending all day on the sofa trying to feed him so for my own sanity and his health I switched to formula. He's now a bright and happy 3 year old. I was also formula fed and I have 3 top grade A levels and a degree so I don't think it did my brain any harm and I don't get ill often at all. Fed is always best xx

I'd try to not even think 'as long as he's fed it's ok', because in doing so, you are still criticising yourself and your method of feeding (no one ever says to a breastfeeding mum that it's ok as long as her child is fed...).

If you formula feed (as I do), enjoy it. Enjoy the advantages that come from it. Enjoy how you can see Al of your little ones face, and they can easier look you in the eye as you feed. Enjoy that you can have a break, and use that time to come back to your baby more refreshed. Enjoy that feeding will never hurt, and that you never have to worry about how much they are taking.

If you breastfeed, enjoy that too. Enjoy the feeling of providing the food directly, the physical reliance on each other.

Basically, own your decision and where you are, and rather than feel down about it, look at all the wonderful things from it.

Hello. My baby is five weeks old, and from about day 3, I knew BFing wasn't going to work for me. My nipples were sore and the baby was hungry and I was miserable. And so I put him on formula, and even though he was so much better for it, slept better and was more content, I felt so so guilty and I think was on the edge of PND as a result. I did express what I could, but my supply has pretty much gone now. Nobody warns you that it's going to be so hard and stressful! I hope you see all the previous posts and know you're not alone and there's many in the same boat. When I was stressing out, my mum told me that I was formula fed from two weeks onwards, and actually I'm quite healthy!! Xx

A pump won’t increase milk like a baby on the actual boob... You also probably have a lot more milk than youre actually pumping.i can’t pump 1oz butbreastfeeding my son at almost 11 months and he’s in the 90th percentile. I would try to relatch him, pain usualy does stop after 2weeks and lanolin really is the best apply it after every feed. It will be hard work but worth it. Also pumping doesn’t respond to your baby’s needs your breastnilk changes day vs night, female vs male and changes temprature to suit your baby’s temperature as well as responds to illness breastnilk is alive and very clever and needs your baby’s saliva to test basically if he has a temperature or is ill.... pumping is obviously still a billion times better than formula but straight from the breast is best to respond to your son and also changes with the time of day as breastmilk is best as night.I’ve just started to introduce formula to my son about 2 weeks ago and I felt guilty then really wanted to go the whole first year without formula and go straight to cows milk but I have a wedding coming up and he can’t come with so I have to practice having a bottle with him so he’ll take it from my mum. Breastfeeding comes with its battles but the bonding is amazing and so easy to feed at night but can feel like house arrest at times so I am appreciating some time off. It is hard the guilt of feeling your not providing the best but remember you’re doing your best and it’s all you can ever do. There will always be something you will beat yourself up about might be having to go back to work or sending him to school, it’s tough just carry on doing your best it’s all that matters. I’m very tired so hopefully this makes sense event with autocorrect and sleepyness

Also breastmilk supply suffers when you stress over it.you need to relax and let your guilt go I watched a YouTube on a woman that was about to quit and was devastated and was given advice to just relax and was told it’s all in your head and she did she relaxed and thought positive and milk cane flowing.stress and anxiety can really effect it. And also a baby crying or looking at your baby makes milk. I constantly leaked for like the first 3 months now the only time I leak is when my son cries. I feel many women quit because they don’t realise that sure it’s painful but it goes away almos always in 2 weeks and only 1% of women actually have a real issue with supply and the rest is solvable i.e change latch, diet, stress less, sleep more.

I had 8 weeks of utter hell trying to feed my first baby and then a year of terrible guilt about stopping. Before I had him, formula wasn't an option, I had no pump, bottles, anything. I had extremely good bf support. It didn't work out, and I plummeted into pnd, thought couldn't see it at the time. I had trouble bonding with my baby, I didn't enjoy him because I was so strongwilled about wanting to bf which was totally selfish, looking back.

Second baby... straight to formula on day 5 and oh wow it's been such a different ride. My babies have thrived and I have embraced formula feeding this time and it really makes the baby stage much more enjoyable for me, and is better for us as a family. I've bonded with her so well. The only thing I regret now is that I didn't switch sooner with ds1.

Yep going through the exact same guilt at the moment. My 3 week old ds was born a little early by c-sec and had poor suckle reflex, jaundice and low blood sugar level due to a medication I was taking, so I was advised to top up with formula, therefore my supply has been badly impacted. He's pretty much 95% formula fed now although I put him to breast for 10 mins or so before each bottle so he's at least getting some ((albeit minimal)) amount of breast milk. He was syringe fed my hand expressed colostrum so I'm pleased he had that. I don't think I'll ever get my supply up to a level to sustain him now as he's a very big boy. Even on this thread talking about the guilt we are experiencing there are still several posts that add reinforcing the pressure to breast feed...