Attitude of 11 year old daughter-help!

[LiteraryDevil]

I'm having trouble knowing how to deal with my daughter being very opinionated and judgemental about others. She just says stuff and I'm shocked at how judgemental she is. She certainly doesn't get it from me but I don't know what happens at dad's gf's house. Hopefully nothing. We do encourage speaking freely about how we feel and being open and honest and telling the truth but not being rude. I'm trying to explain to her that she's coming across as prejudiced and rude but not sure she understands. The things she says aren't even based on knowledge she has. I'm trying to think of examples. Like today she said that her sister's class mate should take their dog to the vets to get it trained because it was not wanting to walk along the footpath. Saying someone looks like they spend a lot of time in the pub (my best mate who goes once a month) and similar. She starts secondary school in September and I'm worried she's going to end up getting smacked in the face with the things she comes out with especially as she makes what could be construed as racist comments. She's otherwise lovely and I just don't understand where she gets this stuff from and don't know how to explain to get that what she's saying is rude. She's not on the spectrum or anything so not that.

Anyone?

In my experience, 11 years old isn't pleasant at times (going through it myself again at the moment!). I find they do have a lot of ill-informed opinions and a dose of arrogance to go with them. All we can do is show them the right way, I think.

I found with my older son that when he started secondary, he was the little fish in a big pond again and got 'cut down to size'. The maturity increased and the cockiness decreased!

Agree with PP. my eldest is 11 and has a lot to say for himself . I am hoping that secondary school in September will help. I am also trying to get him to focus on him and not other people but it’s not so easy

Good luck !

I agree too, you just have to ride it out. This is the age of black and white thinking and having just worked out they don’t have to agree with you.

I see it as an opportunity to have a little debate too, but my DD is open to that, i.e. the dog that won’t walk on the path - what do you think they should do if even the vet can’t train him? or the spending too much time in the pub - do you think saying this will hurt someone’s feelings or do you think it is better to point out people’s negative behaviours? What do you think of someone who drinks a lot? Is it as bad to drink a lot as it is to eat a lot of cake?

Its kind of distraction, but also a gentle challenge to buff the edges off the sharpness of judgement.

That said, if my 12yo said to my friend’s face seriously and judgementally - you’re spending too much time in the pub, that would get short shrift from me.

Once she gets to high school she will change plus that smack in the face from another kid will probably knock some sense into her, I saw that a lot on the playground and it does work

that smack in the face from another kid will probably knock

Sounds awful however it is definitely true

OP is she sayingthese things TO the person concerned or just about them?