Do You (Unintentionally) let your Children Wind You Up?

[Earlybird]

DD went to bed 90 minutes ago, and the three hours leading up to bedtime were hellish. In retrospect, I see that her demanding, cranky and belligerent behaviour was probably down to being hot, and over tired (no nap today). However, I wasn't able to recognise those reasons as the atmosphere escalated and deteriorated. She resisted going to bed, and I indulged her (put her down at regular time rather than early), thinking that I was being "nice mummy", and because I couldn't face another whining session. But instead of giving me a break from the naughty antics, it simply brought more bad behaviour - she ended up kicking me hard several times, at which point I physically manhandled her into bed. As I left the room, she was screaming the house down and was sound asleep 10 minutes later.

I see now that I should have taken charge of the situation, and made sure that she went to bed much earlier - when it was clearly what she needed. I let her wind me up, and ended up getting cross myself. I feel upset with her that she was so difficult, and upset with myself for not taking charge and being firm before things got so bad. Are any of you able to step back and recognise warning signs as they're happening, or is it simply hindsight that allows perspective (and guilt)?

Oh, this sounds familiar. Not the same situation, but me and dd1 (7) regularly clash when it comes to getting out of the house. Every time I leave it too late to tell her when we're going out, and every time we end up shouting at each other as I try to tie her hair up, and do it "wrong", or she wants to change her skirt / top / shoes because they look "stupid" etc etc.

Hindsight is a great thing, but it's so easy to fall into these patterns. I know I need to think ahead a bit more, give her 10 minutes notice instead of 5, and then not give in to her pleas of "I'll only be 2 minutes / I just need to..." as I stand there with my stomach churning.

So no advice, but great sympathy.

We have early bed time in this house. I think some people (not mentioning any names but MIL. SIL, etc!)think we're a bit mean not letting them stay up but I would rather that than the awful early evening thing, which is pretty bad anyway. Come round to our house any evening at about 6pm and you'll see what I mean! It's just bloody hard work though isn't it? I guess it's just getting to know them so well that you know what will trigger them and avoiding it. Glad yours is asleep now - go and have a glass of wine

Usually I recognise when troubles brewing with my dd(6.5) as shes always been such a little gremlin that ive had to tune into her, or we would have had the situation youve described night after night, in fact we did for a while which is why we now recognise the signs!
The other day with dd2(3.5) she desperatley needed to go to bed, it was about 4 in the afternoon, and I couldnt be bothered with the arguing so I didnt even try, well I suffered for it, she went ballistic screaming and shouting over nothing then passed out on my bed for 3 hours.
Make a mental note NOW to do something next time, thats what I did with dd1 and what im now having to do with dd2. Funny how you dont realise it at the time though isnt it?
But its not just you!

Think you'd have to not be human not to get wound up at times.

I do stick pretty much to a routine with ds - nap by 1pm, and my first reaction if he starts being difficult, fidgety, loses concentration, erratic behaviour of any kind, is to think when he last had a drink or food. I find giving a drink has an absolutely miraculous effect. He rarely says he is thirsty, but clearly is. In this weather, he needs a lot of liquid to keep him happy and calm. I also take no notice of protests that he isn't tired at naptime and bedtime as I know perfectly well he is! It makes my life a million times easier, but of course, like everyone I do sometimes forget to offer drinks often enough sometimes and his behaviour does deteriorate and sometimes I do start telling him off before I get that 'lightbulb' moment and remember he's thirsty/hungry/tired.

I'm glad to know that many of you experience this too, so I don't feel as bad about it. I think the hardest thing is that I want so much to be a fun, happy, easy going, loving mummy - but often her behaviour doesn't allow me to do that. I'm not a strict, dictatorial, inflexible person but find that my "softness" often works against me where she is concerned. They REALLY test you, don't they?

Earlybird, they totally test you. I am half and half - sometimes recognise the warning signs, but sometimes am so tired myself, that even if I know I should be putting them to bed, I can't be bothered - I let them stay up far later than they (or I) can cope with.

Having said that, I find life is easier if they have a militarily regimented routine. Then when I deviate from it, it can be because I want to (like tonight, when it was so hot, and we were all having such a lovely time in the garden, and I wanted to extend it), rather than because they're in control, rather than me, iyswim.

Also think that sometimes I forget what it means to be only 3.5, and treat her too much like a person who is able to control her impulses - when, after all, she is only just learning to do that. When she falls apart, I am sometimes caught completely off guard and react, rather than taking a big step back to evaluate what is happening and why. Suppose I must remember that it's up to me to KNOW what she needs and see that it is enforced. Must sharpen up the mummy radar skills!