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what about the parents?

1 reply

calmnik · 20/04/2018 11:14

Dear All

I wanted to know if anyone of you can relate to my feelings as a parent?

Being a parent myself, having had the experience of feeling at times completely alone, isolated (even though I had a social circle), it was difficult with my twins.

I found myself in a space where I probably felt slightly depressed, some mornings, dreading the day, as I feared what could go wrong and being so responsible in that role.

I tried to tell my dear hubby how I felt, but when I heard the door close in the mornings as he went off to work, I always felt a sense of abandonment. He was able to walk away and I wasn't.

I never sought help for myself, as it was the last thing on my mind.

What I needed was an ear to bend. Yes, I had my friends but I felt as a multiple parent, all I did was moan and that they got bored of hearing it so I kept it to myself.

I wanted to be the perfect parent, baby swimming, nct Baby massage, coffee morning meeting ups, playdays. All of this was great but when I got home, that was the 'real' me, waiting for 6.30pm; for my hubby to come home, turning my fear off, allowing me to breathe again...

I am not sure if this a familiar story to you all out there, but the reason I am telling you this is, as my children got older (now nearly 15), I retrained and became a qualified therapist. Reflecting back on my situation I could not see my how my mood was affecting me.

Sometimes I wonder why I did not seek therapy? Why as parents do we not consider ourselves?

I did go to the doctor, at times crying my eyes out, about how I was feeling and being offer meds for 'depression' ; which I felt due to my responsibilities were not even an option and I struggled through...
and seeing the midwife once a week did not help either.

As I mother, I think I lost 'me' in the process, I lost my confidence to feel I could trust my judgement and instead of looking inwards to see what a great mother I was, and this miracle of having a multiple birth (after being told due to gynae issues due to endometriosis that I would not conceive at all), I could not appreciate what I had, and found myself looking back at beautiful photos (at the time) and remembering the pain rather than the happiness..

I suppose another thing which may have stopped me seeking out help, was I felt therapy was for people with 'real' problems...? oh! and my doctor never offered this to me.

I wanted to open a discussion for everyone, as you are all parents {and if you relate to my story}, to ask for your time and help in understanding how or why we do not consider help or therapy as an option? what stops us?

In my situation, I just think the idea never crossed my mind...what would I do with my babies, would the counsellor understand what I was talking about??

I had my friends but I still felt unhappy?

What are your thoughts? Confused

Nikki

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
xamyrose · 21/04/2018 18:17

Hi,

For me, I sometimes wake up in the mornings, thinking is it Friday yet? (SAM) and feel guilty that sometimes I feel like motherhood is a job just a different type of one.

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