Why do people react so differently when my child is in a Wheelchair?

[RBBMummy]

I don't understand why people seem to react much more negatively to seeing my child in a buggy as opposed to a wheelchair. People will go out of their way to help open doors and things like that when hes in the wheelchair but wont even step to the side out of the way with the buggy. Also sometimes people give looks like they are trying to figure out whats wrong with him. Never once got that in a wheelchair. The only reason i can think of is he is too big for the buggy, but its not uncomfortable and its not broken. Hes happy in it.

People are judgemental about children they deem ‘too old’ for buggies even if they don’t know why (and it’s none of their business). I’m sorry people are twats to you.

My “D”M can be very judgemental about children she thinks are too old for buggies even though we regularly used one for our DS when he was ill and his BF had one for years due to medical needs.

People are idiots.

Its just not logical, it the same child with the same need. Its so frustrating especially when it comes from other parents. I don't understand their thought process.

I found when my son was in a wheelchair he gets treated like someone who is cute and endearing and when out of a chair it's irritating. Also if I carry him that's judged badly. He's 8 but sometimes he needs a little carry. Also if I discipline him when he's in the chair that gets judgy looks but tome he's the same kid regardless if he's using his chair or not.

If it helps, my sister used a wheelchair, so my dmum was used to everyone getting out of her way. Unfortunately, when she was pushing my children's buggies, she expected everyone to get out of her way - and they didn't. She took out more than one person's ankles .

I think people just assume that you can get round them with a buggy, in a way that you can't with the bigger, less manoeuvrable chair.

People probably see a larger child in a buggy and dont think it might be due to a disability - their first thought is probably that a larger child could walk so wonder why they are in a buggy. A wheelchair is an obvious disability aid and it’s unlikely a child with no disability would be in a wheel chair

I think unless you have experience with hidden disabilities then they are just that - hidden.

People are judgemental by nature. We all make judgements every day.

A child in a buggy might be judged as spoiled, lazy, ‘ruling the roost’... while a child in a wheelchair might be judged as unfortunate, disabled, deserving of special treatment (eg clearing a passage).

Yes the general public will see this as saintly mother of poor little disabled child vs feckless mother of lazy child.

That's why it's so difficult having or being the parent of a child with invisible disabilities.

Sadly it's the difference between "oh poor boy" and "lazy little bugger" / "oh that poor mum" and "she should make him walk!"

The thing is a part of the reason is very obvious. They can see that he cant properly. But even if they couldn't, its hard lugging around a buggy all the time. Why would i do that if it wasn't necessary?

Wheelchairs look big and unwieldy, whereas pushchairs have the reputation of being able to spin on a sixpence while you simultaneously drink your Costa coffee. So I think there is probably a subconscious assumption that you are way more manœuvrable with the pushchair.

Actually pushing a big child in a pushchair is really hard work and almost impossible to steer but I guess if you've never done it you might not know that!

People do though, I've seen kids who have been mobile all day at nursery school climb into a buggy with their knees under chin to be pushed home. Now it might be for any number of medical reasons or behaviour issues but I bet most people judge and assume he's lazy and mom is copping out of having to navigate roads etc.

I think people just assume certain things mean something really bad, so wheelchair, well he's properly poorly isn't he? Poor kid, poor mom, sympathetic head tilt. They don't process the child.

I have a son on permanent o2 and even when he's running round in crazy circles and climbing up climbing frames etc I've had people comment in him being poorly / ill. They don't see him, they see tubes

Yeah i thought you were going to say attitude/ head tilt/ aw bless stuff. The actual getting out of the way thing is pretty obvious - there are billions of small children in buggies - they deserve no ‘special treatment’. Put the same kid in a wheelchair and you might as well have shone a spotlight on it and have a man with a flag marching in front yelling ‘make way for the disabled child!’ Except on public transport, natch. Because then you become completely invisible, mostly to the buggy owners, who would rather pointedly stare out of the window than put their toddler on their lap.
Aw bless. Head tilt.
It used to make me laugh, a bit. Until dd2 started responding to unsolicited comments or questions. Apparently children in wheelchairs aren’t supposed to talk either. (Although to be fair, she wasn’t supposed to walk or talk, so there might be something in that...)
Anyway, yeah. Buggy = baby. Ten a penny. Wheelchair = poor tragic child and the least we can do is make soothing noises and look suitably sympathetic.

Sorry to hear this. I was in a buggy until the age of nine when we used to go on long trips. Of course I was too young to notice anything, but a friend's son was in a buggy and people were making remarks that he was too old etc. My friends are said he had special needs, but people should mind their business to begin with. She shouldn't have to justify why he needs the buggy. And neither should you.

I think this is down to what a wheelchair symbolises to many people, which is amplified when the person using it is a child. Plus what Nancy said.

I'm surprised you've not had lingering looks from people trying to find a reason for the use of a wheelchair as well as when using the buggy. In my experience, if the reason for the chair isn't obvious, people will try and look for one or even ask.

Love that your dd replies to the comments and questions mamaryllis!

Lazy mums who encourage their lazy children have ruined it for children with a genuine need for assistance.

I knew one. She didn't like having to put in the effort to get her child to walk when he couldn't be bothered so would take him everywhere in a buggy, his feet dragging on the floor.
Personally, given the choice I'd rather get annoyed getting my child to do as they are told than break my back pushing a 7 year old in a stroller.
My niece needs a wheelchair and it can be really hard work sometimes.