I had been living with MIL(well, we aren't married, so technically not an in-law) until early this year. When I met my DP about 3 years ago, he was living with his mum who had a severe heart problems. He said, when she nearly dies about 6 years ago and since then he moved her in and had been taking care of her though she doesn't require constant care - she can do some housework and walk short distance. They are both big animal lovers, so while he was out working, she stayed home looking after her chickens and a cat. I got on really well with his mum, so I didn't see the problem in living with her as it wasn't his option just to rent a house for just us - he was 36 at that time. First 1.5 years was ok though I was beginning to regret living with her. DP and I had few arguments which often got her involvement, ended up a pair of them accusing me. I have two children from previous marriage who also live part time with us. While they were both very nice to them most time, they also often criticised them openly. I often kept my mouth shut for the sake of my children, just to keep peace. My work kept me busy and help me not thinking about it most days. Holidays were the worst- I had to share my space with MIL, who often see me disapprovingly. It drove me crazy.
Last year I've got pregnant and since then, the things got more intense and I got to the point that I couldn't bear it anymore. The problem is that, they had co-dependency issue. For a dear mother who raised him on her own, she is always right. For her, he is like a pseudo spouse. I started to resent their weird relationship and him being such a mummy's boy. I couldn't even argue with him without his mother siding him. Half way through my pregnancy, I gave him ultimatum after our big argument over our "cat"
It started when I asked him to wash his hand before slicing bread for dinner as he was petting a cat who was also licking his hand. DP flipped and MIL said a cat is a very clean animal. Next time was when a cat sip a glass of milk that my daughter was drinking, I told her to get a fresh one. DP flipped again and so was MIL- a pair of them accusing me for being horrible to a poor animal (why???) and MIL insist the milk is "clean" as she let a cat share her water! I fought back this time and DP agreed that I didn't say anything wrong in the end, however he was very sorry for his mum who was shedding tear after the argument. I told him that I will leave him as I can't live with her anymore. I think MIL felt the same, she started looking for a shelter housing nearby her daughter. While she actively looking for somewhere to live, my baby arrived. Then we had another argument over a bloody cat! As he is a very young active cat, he was hoovering around my son's swinging chair, seeking a chance to catch its dangling toys. I was only keeping a close eyes on a cat and told him to go when he came too close to my baby. MIL told me that a cat wouldn't do anything to harm him. Then after she said it, a cat tried to jump on to the chair!
When she left, it was a huge relief and DP even told me that it unloaded huge burden. We got on really well until we had another bloody argument over a cat! When a cat was beaten up by a vicious local cat for the 4th time, came back really poorly, he started to accuse me for treating him badly as he isn't allowed to sleep in the same room with us and our baby. He snapped and called her sister and mum to look for someone who want a cat, as he doesn't have a quality life here. He demanded that I have to make a decision whether to get rid of cat or not. I told him to go ahead but now it turned out that it was an empty threat and it was his way of getting MIL involved, as she would reassure him that he's right.
I am at the moment, feeling really resentful and full of regrets over going in a relationships with such a grownup mummy's boy..however, when I look at my baby son, I realise that I can't bear the thought of going through separation again. I still love DP and we generally get on well but he still emotionally depend on her very heavily, which I really can't stand. Feeling like it is only our baby that keeping us together. I know people would say it's better to separate for kids mental wellbeing, but I would rather stay together for a sake of my baby.
What should I do...