Should I give the dummy back?!

[OneDayIWillHaveAGreatUsername]

Our DD (3) has been very attached to her dummy since she was a baby. Over time we managed to make it that it was just for bedtime but she would whinge for it at points during the day/in the car (basically whenever she was tired or upset).
The dummy fairy has now visited and she got a gift in return and it all went really well. It's now been four days and generally she is fine during the day but bedtimes have turned into a warzone ... she screams, cries and refuses to go to sleep for a good hour. She occasionally asks for her dummy and says she wants the dummy fairy to give it back but it's not the centre to her tantrums.
My DH is adamant that we shouldn't give it back but I'm faltering and am tempted to and let her give it up in her own time.
I'm just looking for any experiences of doing either (although in my heart I know we need to stick with this now ).

Wow you have done well to get to day four. I would continue with it. As you have made it though Hal the week. It will get easier. My little one read a book called Beas Dummy about a girl who gave it to the fairies and what the fairies use it for.
That night my DD gave hers up and boy did we know about it for the next week or two at most. But we stuck to it.

Good luck

My youngest has autism and was so attached to her dummy. At three Speech and language recommended giving it up (she’s now at 5 still non verbal). It was hell. We couldn’t explain it had gone but it was affecting her teeth a lot and she was chewing it. So it wasn’t pleasant but better now than later.

Id cope with thinking that shed been through all of that horrible time for nothing if you give it back.

Honestly it improves each day by such a big amount. A week from now she'll barely think of it.

Could the dummy fairy leave a note of praise every day? Maybe with a chocolate incentive?

Keep going. It will get easier. Has the dummy fairy written her a letter to tell her how grateful they are for her dummy ?

Stick with it!!! You’ve ALL done soooo well. If you go back now it’ll be even harder later. You’ve said she’s not too bad during the day so she’s done soooo well. You’ve also said that she want the fairy to give it back, they ALL say this!! You’ve said the dummy is not the Centre if the tantrums so it’s not the dummy... it’s tiredness and her not yet learning how to sleep without dummy’s help but she’s learning. Albeit after an hour of upset. Our first DD spat hers out at 8 months but our other two DDs were like Maggie from The Simpson’s! Dummy fairy took them at 3 years for both of them and boy was it tough!! First night easy but after that very difficult for around a week or two. Don’t give in now you’re doing great! And be careful not to replace the dummy with something else she then relies on to sleep (a soft toy is ok but best not you guys rocking her etc).

It took us 3 weeks if full on screaming and one wakened the other....
3 months on bed time is still hard and they still waken in night

If I could do it again I wouldn’t have allowed the fairies near my house, as I don’t think thy were ready, but once started I couldn’t go back

But do what is right for you and family. Forget society and it is easy to stay be strong ( as people said that to me). Sit advice really as I was a zombie

Good luck with your decision

I would NOT remind her daily with a gift from the fairy. She’ll forget about it in a week or two. Just keep reassuring her (and yourself)

I'll go against the grain. For goodness sake, she's 3, not 7! I don't really see the problem. It gives her comfort. I used to suck my thumb. I genuinely would have been devastated if that had been taken away from me (obviously, much harder than a dummy!!) I gave it up of my own accord. I probably was about 7, but did it mostly in secret by then.

I actually think it's horrid that people make the dummy fairy take it away! Or worse, it goes away at Christmas !

My 4 yr old still has one - for bed, in private. Doesn't affect her speech or her performance at school (top of class). She wouldn't dream of using it in public and has already said to me that she loves it but she will probably give it up soon. Good. But it won't be nasty mummy who takes away her comfort place. What's the rush to make such small children deal with their emotions without a comforter?

Star utopia
That is basically what a social worker said to me when we were on a training day and I was struggling
She asked why I did it and .. I don’t have an answer. She said forget society do what is right for us. In fairness I know her role and she sees a lot worse than a dummy fairy.
Mine watch Ben and holly and always mention their dummy and I now wish they hadn’t took it. We found one a few weeks ago and I thought... here we go will one want it, and they didn’t. But I wish I had your view before we did the deed.

We took dd’s Away at 3.5 after the dentist pointed out significant issues with her teeth. We did the books and talked a lot over months and months. She decided it was time for it to go. She got a present from the fairy and initially things seemed ok. OP I will be honest and say that things didn’t get ‘normal’ at bedtime for about 6 months and even then I think her sleep pattern changed completely.

Stick with it but try lots of different things. We got a little MP3 player which we loaded with fairy stories which played all night. I also left a bottle of lavender pillow spray on her bed from the fairy after week 1. This was a wee acknowledgment of how hard she had tried.

I know how tempting it is but giving it back now would be so confusing. But you have all my sympathy!

And star if it hadn’t been for the teeth issues I would agree 100% with you. My baby dd now uses a dummy and while I think I will be a little more careful about its use I will try to not worry myself about it

I think you've done amazingly well to get this far so try and stick it out, be brave, you can do it

Has the dummy fairy written her a letter to tell her how grateful they are for her dummy

A note and maybe a book about dummies would be so helpful, I think.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. You echo the dilemma I'm having - on one hand she's demonstrated that she can function and sleep without her dummy (apart from the actual bedtime routine) and we've got this far however I'm questioning why we took it from her in the first place. That was very much driven by a) my DH feeling that she was starting to get obsessed with it and b) she didn't have it for one night and was absolutely fine and then told us the next day that she didn't need a dummy any more ... so it felt like the right opportunity.

You listened to her decision to go without it. Ok she’s 3 and no doubt not always great at making her own decisions. She wanted to stop using it. None of us can knock you for taking advantage of her decision. The teeth issue is a real issue too as even the orthodontic dummies displace the upper palate. I’ve just asked my 8 year old if she remembers the dummy fairy. She remembers the gift but doesn’t remember any difficulty at all!! Amazing!! I guess it depends how stressful it is for the whole family and only you know that. There’ll be no permanent damage either way. X

Thought I'd pop back and give an update now we are a few weeks down the line.

The first week was difficult (as my OP explained) but after that she's been absolutely fine. She occasionally mentions the Dummy Fairy but never asks for her dummy nor does she get upset about it (or when she sees other children with them).

So overall I think we did it at the right time and want to reassure anyone else going through the first week of pain that it does get better and pretty quickly!

Thanks for all your comments - I really appreciate them!