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Parenting

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Original poster

Baby doesn’t take a dummy/have a comforter

21 replies

xamyrose · 12/04/2018 17:37

Hi All,

Just wanted to know what people do when they’re in the same position as me.

My 10 month old has always been in a routine and self settled in her cot with white noise and a blanket by the side of her (in a hope she’d get attached to it but never has really) she sometimes chews on it or plays with it.

This means, when we’re out and about she’ll only fall asleep in the car/pram and if she’s whinging mummy cuddles or distraction is the only thing that works.

I feel like I’ve failed a bit because I only have a short window where I can go out (in between naps), whereas most other babies will just fall asleep on the sofa or in someone’s arms...

I’m just worried when she goes down to one long nap a day when I’ll be able to leave the house! I’ve always thought my baby has been more whingy then others.. but thinking about it now, she just doesn’t have anything to comfort her apart from me picking her up?

Just want some advice really if there’s anything I can do going forward to make mine and my babies life easier when it comes to sleeping out and about and when she’s having an off day and needs some comfort.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/04/2018 18:37

If you r failed so have I. Both of mine both preferred to be held at that age.

My DS wasn’t good at sleeping out of the house. Once he’d turned one and was down to one nap, we tried to go out in the morning and be back for lunch, but to be honest, I was never that strict. You can go out after the nap too

MoodyTwo · 12/04/2018 18:46

Oh! My LO is attached to me and nothing else !
Your LO will be fine , mine sleeps between 12-2 so we don't go out at the time or we do and make sure it's a long walk (I have been known to sit in the car for 2 hours too!)

Spam88 · 12/04/2018 18:57

It's funny that you think you've failed because she'll only self settle in the cot or sleep in the Park when out and about...my 10 month old will only sleep on someone in a dark room with music playing, and needs cuddles every time she wakes up in the night. Absolutely will not sleep out and about which can be a bit of a nightmare when she gets massively overtired. So it sounds like you're doing okay to me! I guess we all think we could have done things better sometimes.

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MonkeyPoke · 12/04/2018 19:21

My first didn't choose his comforter until about 2.5years old.

MollyDaydream · 12/04/2018 19:26

One of mine had a dummy, one has a comfort blanket and one has both, and they all only slept in their cot or out in the pram - I think 90% of babies are like that and very, very few are able to just fall asleep in arms or on a sofa anywhere.

The one who won't take a dummy is the whingiest though.

Dogsrbarking · 12/04/2018 19:31

Your baby sleeps in the pushchair so presumably you can still go out, or have I misread this? My dd only napped in my arms after a breastfeed and once I stopped, only in the pushchair. She's never had a dummy or comforter. The plus side of a pushchair napper is that I'm not trapped in the house. The downside is having to go out in the pouring rain!!

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 19:34

Mine had comforters but would still only nap in their cots, I thought that was fairly normal?
If she sleeps in her pram you can go out, can’t you? Mine wouldn’t even nap in their prams after about 4 months!

rubyroot · 12/04/2018 20:33

I'm not sure that I understand why you can't go out?

Original poster

xamyrose · 12/04/2018 20:41

Reason I say this is because some people have made comments that they just let their baby crawl and then fall asleep on their own playing etc... my baby would never do that!

For example, if I’m at someone’s house, I’ll have to go home when my baby’s due their nap as she won’t fall asleep with a dummy on the sofa or on a bed etc...

I worry that when she goes to one nap a day, she’ll only cat nap in her pram so she’ll have a 30 minute nap all day which obviously isn’t enough.

Other people have said they don’t have routines and they just go with the flow... whereas I have to plan our day around naps

OP posts:

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 20:48

Mine would never have fallen asleep anywhere other than their cot at nap time, either of them. They both had a dummy and a comforter. I don’t think it’s anything to do with the comforter, it’s just that all babies are different. Mine never fell asleep on a sofa, on the floor, while eating their dinner... anything like that. We always went home for their lunch time nap.

rubyroot · 12/04/2018 20:48

My baby won't just fall asleep either so I just take the time he goes to sleep in the car and hope he naps a bit longer when I get home. i just didn't understand why it stops you going out.

EB123 · 12/04/2018 20:49

I never worked our days around my three. We just did what we planned to do and they might sleep later if we were out somewhere or only 20 minutes in the car but it was never an issue.

museumum · 12/04/2018 20:51

If I was out with friends I’d take my ds for a walk round the block to go to sleep then park him in the hall or by the back doorstep and join my friends again.

Original poster

xamyrose · 12/04/2018 20:52

Thank you for your replies...

So if we’re out and about and she only sleeps for half an hour this shouldn’t matter as they get older?

OP posts:

icklekid · 12/04/2018 20:54

Some people are very routine based and it works for them. Naps at home mean get jobs done and can relax but can be limiting.
Others are not at all routine based (although I know NO one with children over 1 who just fall asleep when playing- maybe pre crawling but other than that they need to be rocked or put to bed) and just sleep when they can.

The real difference is the children. Some children need decent long naps some can cope with short power naps.

Do what is right for you and your children. Make everyone happier!

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 20:59

Honestly try not to worry about it too much, in the grand scheme of things it’s such a short amount of time.
Mine are 4.5 and 2.8 now and both dropped naps completely at about 20 months. I remember thinking that our life was so restricted by naps, but now they’ve dropped them (bar the odd snooze in the car after a day out) I realise that it really wasnt that big an issue. And if they only got a 20 min nap one day it wasn’t the end of the world. I had a 19 month age gap so I wasn’t able to be so regimented with my second.

penguinpurple · 12/04/2018 21:24

Try not to worry about it and definitely don't think you've failed at anything. They are all different and what works for one child won't work for another so trying to make your child do the same as another will only stress you out. We had no routine for a long time but when dd went down to one nap it gradually evolved that she had a long afternoon nap in her cot. She still does at 2.5 and I can just stick her in the cot and walk off now. When she was a baby she needed me to feed or rock her to sleep.
In many ways it is very limiting in terms of going out for the day. In other ways it is bloody fantastic to have a reliable 3 hour toddler free window. Anyway she can now miss her nap occasionally without being utterly exhausted later so if we really want to go out we can.
People probably think we are ridiculous or ruled by dad's naps but so what.

Blaablaablaa · 12/04/2018 21:34

I know it's hard at the moment but just remember everything is just a phase and things do change. My DS was the worst sleeper until about 18 months. He would never nap for more than 30 mins and I tried everything! Eventually it was nursery that got him into a routine as all the kids napped after lunch for up to 2 hours!! I couldn't believe it but eventually it started to happen at home too. He did (still does) have a comforter but didn't become attached until he was at least 1.

He's now 3 and a fabulous sleeper. We don't hear a peep all night . It will get better I promise!

Original poster

xamyrose · 14/04/2018 07:50

Thank you all for your messages, this has really helped. Going forward, I’m going to be a lot more laid back when it comes to naps!

OP posts:

Caterina99 · 15/04/2018 15:53

DS always napped in his cot. Personally I encouraged this as he could self settle and I could enjoy my time to myself.

He’d sleep in the car or pushchair but it wouldn’t be a proper nap. It was a bit annoying when he was on 2 naps, although they were shorter anyway so as long as he had one decent one, a short one on the odd day didn’t cause any problems.

once he was down to one nap I loved it. I just made sure I was home by 12ish and enjoyed 2 or more amazing toddler free hours to myself. The occasional day where we had a full on event he grabbed what sleep he could in the car or buggy and had an earlier bedtime and took a longer nap the next day. If I was visiting my parents or something like that then he’d sleep in a travel cot upstairs for nap time.

The trouble I have now is that DD wants to sleep in her cot but I can’t structure my day as much around naps like I did for her older brother as I have him to look after too. She just has to take what she can get in the pram or car and I aim for one decent nap in the cot per day

Original poster

xamyrose · 16/04/2018 17:14

I suppose it’s all about juggling it when you have two.

She’s currently teething at the moment which means she never bloody sleeps while it’s cutying though!

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