Struggling since having second baby

[LizzieRap]

Does anyone have advice on how to manage better with two children? I have a 5 MO and a 2YO when putting2YO down for naps or bed, making tea etc, I frequently have to leave 5 MO to cry, I feel so divided and anxious all the time. I want to do my best for them and frequently prioritise the toddler as I feel her needs are more emotional and don't want her to resent her younger sister (anymore than she already does) is it better to leave baby to cry for short spells to prevent toddler meltdowns? Thanks in advance for any help.

I don't have an answer, but do you use a sling at all so that you can keep your baby with you while you settle your toddler?

Oh god it's so hard isn't it?! I always feel like I am choosing between my children. There's no easy answer other than chopping and changing things around until you find something that works. And even then they will change the routine and you'll be back at square one!
Slings are super helpful. And yes sometimes, one of them will be crying because you literally can't be in two different places. In a few years they won't remember, be kind to yourself about it.

Agree with @LillyBugg don’t be too hard on yourself OP. I very much chop and change depending on who I think needs me most at any given time, I have a 4 month old and a nearly 4 year old.
As a side note about resentment, I was worried about that too and I’ve found that if I’m doing activities with my DS, it’s worked well for us to put baby DD in her bouncy chair to watch us and get DS to tell her about what we’re doing.

I was in the same boat about a year ago. It's is so hard. And you can't always use a sling if the little one is a chunk!

I think I prioritised whoever was hungriest, or screaming the loudest at the time. As long as the other one is in a safe place they will be okay to cry for a minute.

I really hate this old chestnut but it is a 'phase' and things will get easier.
Don't worry they will both know they are loved by you it's just a tricky old time, they're so dependent at that age x

There was just 16 months between my two dds, and I was widowed when they were 2 and a quarter years old and 11 months old respectively.
The only advice I can give is to do as much as possible jointly- I would read dd1 a story sitting beside me while I fed dd2, I had a playpen and a baby chair in the sitting room so they could both be with me, I bathed them together and got them both ready for bed, then had “big girl time” with dd1 after dd2 was asleep, either for daytime naps or for a little while after her bedtime.
Dd1 was quite proud of being the elder, and liked to “help” with the baby! They very soon grew old enough to enjoy playing together, due to the small age gap, and I don’t think they ever resented each other.
Just do your best, and don’t beat yourself up trying to be mummy perfect! We all muddle through eventually, with whatever works for our particular kids.
I’m sure they will grow up knowing you love them both, even if they have to share the love between them!

DS is 2 years 9 months and DD just turned 6 months. It is hard. Like someone said I don’t really have a set routine as each day is different so I just prioritize each one as per the situation. Often I deal with the older one first as it’s eaaier to give him a snack and turn on the tv and settle down to feed the baby for example. But if he needed something that would take longer then I’d feed the baby first and she’d probably be happy enough while I put him down for a nap or cook his meal. Sometimes I just have to leave her to cry though and I often end up doing stuff one handed or getting my DS to talk to her while I’m trying to do something.

Thank you so much for all your advice. I love the idea of promising special 'big girl time' when 5MO is in bed!! I am so sorry to hear you were widowed @babdoc particularly with children of that age, it must have be so hard, I really can't imagine.

I do use a sling a lot! But because my 2YO in very pinchy/bitey when she's tired or hungry I try to ensure that 5MO isn't within reach then!

It makes me feel loads better to know other people feel so divided too and that there is no magic solution, at least I know I am doing my best for them and at the end of the day that's all I can do!