is there such a thing as "a life"?

[yazoo]

ok so i have an 8m dd and i work approx 30 hrs a week.my day starts at approx 6am when dd wakes up.on my working days i have to rush around like a loony getting things ready, getting myself and dd ready.dp helps a bit but seems to dawdle and take his time which winds me up like buggery.i then go to work, come home late afternoon, feed dd bathe her play with her etc, put her to bed which is another fun one as this is beginning to be a task in itself.i then clean and scrub the house because no matter how much i clean, the next day its like a bomb has hit.
i am by then so exhausted and its late anyway that i go to bed and do it all again the next day! i love my dd to pieces and wouldnt change her for the world but she is going through a very akward stage where she gets so bored so so easily,is always fussing and whingeing.is this normal as well or have i got alot more of this to come?
i dont have any friends except the people i work with and i never go out, well ive been out twice in 8 months with work friends.Theres no groups or anything in my area because i live abroad.
i just feel lonely sometimes and its like groundhog day constantly.is it like this forever when you have kids? like i say i love my dd to pieces, i just feel like there is so much limitation on what i can do with her as i dont drive etc.dp takes me and dd out as much as he can but like everyone else he has to work alot to pay mortgage etc.i need to rediscover life.

and would you believe im only 22

Which country do you live in? Are there any english speaking organisations you could join?

Sorry to hear that you feel like this.
We all do sometimes, life is like groundhog day with a l.o.
How about starting your own group if there aren't any nearby.
There might be other Mums in tha same boat?

Sounds like you might need to ask your DP to pull his weight a bit more.
And lower your standards re the cleaning whilst you're so short on time.
Could you get some driving lessons?

i live in france.starting my own group is a good idea, finding the time though is the thing! thanks for your help so far x

Ah bless you yazoo As my friend said when she found out she was pg for the first time 'my life is effectively over!' Its not, I promise. It does get easier, but unfortuantely the first year is tough. Every year will become easier and easier and one day you'll wish she was a baby again!

Do you have any playgroups around that you can go to? Or how about the library. I don't know about your area, but here all the libraries have toddler time, where we can go and sing songs with the little ones and just sit and chat. Completely free too! Can you get someone to babysit for you for a couple of hours maybe one evening and you and dh go out to 'rediscover life'?

Hang in there, I PROMISE it does get easier.

I'm so sorry I skimmed your op! Had I read it properly, I could have answered my own questions! Still at work, not enough time to read properly!

It's very hard in a different country with a small baby, and can be very isolating. There are other mumsnetters who live in France, maybe if you put this in the 'living overseas' section you can ask their advice.

Yes get your dp to do more housework - or even pay for a cleaner once a week/fortnight if you can spare the cash.

Can you cut your hours at work at all or is that impossible?

Can you get a babysitter? Or find out if there is even an exercise class (or a language class!) or SOMETHING nearby where you can get out one evening a week and meet people while your dp watches your baby. You need a little bit of time to unwind and to have some fun that gives you a break from chronic responsibility, it seems!

Hi Yazoo
I'm in France too. Whereabouts are you?

your day sounds similar to mine same start time, same wrking hours etc. the only difference (apart form the fact that I'm old enough to be your mother is that I have no DP and abslutely do not spend mroe than 15 minutes a day doing tidying/housework. Lower you housework standards, get used to living in more of a mess and hire a cleaner (I have one once a week for 3 hrs and the day she comes is bliss).

Its more importnat for you to to enjoy your life than to have a tidy house in my very humble opinion.

Is your dd on the move yet? They can be really hard work in the weeks before they finally start to crawl. I think it's frustration on their part. Do you think that could account for you finding it particularly hard work at the moment?

Yes, it helps so much when you can lower your standards.
When it's getting me down I remind myself that clutter means more creativity for the kids and a too clean house is not good for their immune system!
8 months is a difficult age to keep them busy, plus they often fuss when you go out of sight.

agree with purpleturtle. IME they get frustrated shortly before they start to get more mobile. Also, I sympathise with the 'groundhog day' sentiment. I remember days when ds1 was that age thinking every day's the same and feeling, frankly, a bit bored by life as a mum, much as I adore my dcs. But ds1 now 18mo and every day brings something new - he's a right laugh, so it will get easier and dd will become more fun to hang out with.

And, yes, give yourself a break, girl. how long have you been back at work? I wonder if bedtime traumas (if I read your post correctly?) might be partly because dd feels she hasn't seen you and dp much during the day? Perhaps if you can ease up a bit on other areas you would feel a bit less stressed and able to enjoy dd a bit more. Anyway, hang on in there.