3 children - feel like I don’t know how to parent anymore.

[plum100]

Hi all, I have 3 children 8,11 and 14. I have always loved doing things with them - arranging days out with friends etc but over the last few school holidays I feel like we’ve been scratching around and the days pass by without us doing anything. I don’t know if it’s because after 14 years of having children I am bored of it - which I know sounds awful - or whether it’s just because they are getting older and they are harder to entertain. A few years ago we would have gone on the bus to the library and maybe travelled around the town a bit , and they would all be happy with that, or off to a park we had never been to before. We don’t do that sort of stuff anymore the older one wouldn’t want to and then I feel guilty that actually my younger one is missing out on doing simple stuff the others did.
Maybe the problem is them all being 3 yrs apart maybe the gap is just too big. Anyone else feel the same? The weekends are turning into times like this too - inspiration anyone?

I remember this happening at about 14 years, I've just accepted my ds doest want to "hang around" with me anymore.
It's nothing to do with your parenting! Just an age they get to. Are the younger two still wanting to do stuff with you?

I’ve got an 11&13 year old but also a 1yo. Yes it’s hard as a lot of the stuff is too babyish but we can do it to show the little one (which the older 2 are happy with). Other stuff is expensive- bowling, skating, go ape, trampolining, shopping, so we can’t do that a lot. Their default is in room on a screen. Dd needs to keep busy too as she’s having an anxious spell. I do encourage them to make plans with friends which keeps them busy.

Yes! I have a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old. They pretty much want to do nothing at weekends. They sleep in really late. The only thing they enthuse about it the cinema or shopping.

At least in the school term they do Scouts, drama and music etc. I just feel like weekends is for lying around in pyjamas at the moment and I'm a bit bored!

Thank you for your replies - yes the younger two are happy to still do stuff but then I feel guilty that I’m leaving the older one out ! And yes to all the stuff she wants to do being expensive! Oh how I long for the days where we were all happy at the library craft session or toddler group

It's difficult in comparison to our childhoods (well mine anyway - 70s/80s child). We just went out and played with our friends, and if the weather was bad we stayed in and played with toys and games and read books.

Is the 14 year old not making plans with friends? I have three of similar ages and the eldest definitely prefers time with friends which is perfectly natural at that age. The youngest two are good company for each other (when they're not bickering!).

Hi yes she is she spending time with friends, I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m leaving her out, I feel this is a tricky age ,
I can remember what I was like at 14 and I don’t want to lose her.

I meant the expectations for parents to ensure children are suitably entertained and occupied is difficult these days, when previously children kept themselves busy.

When I was 14 I wanted to be with my mates talking about boys . That was no reflection on my mother, just a natural developmental stage.

My kids are nearly the same age as yours (DS2 is 12). It is tricky, as 8 & 14 yos don’t always enjoy the same things. Mine are all boys, but I guess it’s harder again maybe if you’ve got a mix (or maybe not? Genuinely don’t know)

Things we’ve done recently are; Cinema - older two watch something, 8yo & I see something else. We had friends to stay this weekend with similar aged children. I hosted a sleepover for the 12yo & some friends. We had an hour at the local trampoline park. We have a trampoline in the garden which they all use. They like toasting marshmallows on the chimnea. Swimming at the local pool. In the summer we are lucky enough to have a beach hut & everyone enjoys that (well, they did last year!) I still take the 8yo to library/Park but I leave the older two at home if they don’t want to come. My 14yo has a girlfriend, so is often out with her & friends.

My 12yo still enjoys Pokemon Go. They have started to do community days where a certain Pokemon will spawn more often & we usually do these together. The 8yo will come & do that too. 12yo & I are doing C25K together.

At weekends, the older two have sport & music lessons, DS3s tend to be in the week still, so we take a divide & conquer approach. We also do that sometimes with days out, so when the older two had an inset day recently, DH took them to London & they went on the Eye & somewhere else high (DS3 is scared of heights, so not a day he would have enjoyed)

In May half term the older two are doing 3 days on an outward bound course. Ds3 & I will probably do the zoo one day.

Hope some of this helps - it is a tricky age split.

Yes Margot definitely- I was always left to my own devices- now it’s “what are we doing today mum?”
Thanks Autumn - I have 3 girls - so I think that makes it slightly easier - you sound really busy with your children I will have to pinch a few of your ideas - there’s only a few days left after all - we are off to the cinema later but then our plans for the rest of the week are finished

It is normal for teenagers to want to do their own thing. Just take the younger two out and eventually the older one will want to know you again, usually if you take her shopping offering to buy her something ;) That is what happened with my two DDs. Between 13 and 17 they did not want to know us. Inevitable bit of growing up. They come back though.

Ha sounds exactly like my eldest!! Took her to Tesco last night for a mooch - that is more up her street