DD being picked on

[GreenMeerkat]

It seems my DD (4) is getting a bit picked on by another girl in her class (school nursery). She mentions one particular girl a lot saying she is mean to her and bossy. Says she won't let her play and tells her to go away and sometimes calls her names.

I know they are very young and I can't exactly call it bullying, I mean they are 4!

It is really upsetting my DD though and she is coming out of school either in tears or really withdrawn and always mentions this girl when I ask what is wrong.

What can I do?

What do the staff say?

They agent said anything. I asked the teacher the other day if she noticed anything was wrong as she came home in tears (trying not to name names to see if they say anything). And she said she didn't notice anything and was fine, and basically said it's probably an issue at home, like me being pregnant!

Haven't* not agent.

Bump. Anyone?

I would go back in and speak to the teacher again. Say your not happy and ask them to keep an eye on them. If you feel nothing is being done I would speak to someone higher. I know they are young but I don't think it should just be dismissed because of this.

Ask the teacher to keep an eye on it. However I have noticed that kids who complain about others being bossy are often those who like to be in charge themselves. I’m including my dd in that. Sometimes it’s just a clash of personalities. But if it’s upsetting her then the teacher should be able to help.

Just raise it. Explain that it's not a one off and that it is a pattern that has been happening for however long / however many instances. Dd is upset/crying, I ask what's wrong, consistently the response she gives involves a specific child doing the same things. Keep it factual, don't ask about the other child or make any guesses. Give them the info and ask them what they can do to stop your daughter being upset by this in future. Then wait and see for a week or so before you go back to them - either with a "thanks for acting on my concerns, dd is doing much better and no longer upset or mentioning [other child] in a negative way, so thanks for sorting that out" or with "the issue isn't resolved, these are the things dd has said this week, I'm getting really concerned about her happiness in the school. We need to try something new - what do you suggest we do next?".

Be calm, be polite, but be unwilling to let it drop if necessary.

And be willing to listen to less than pleasant things about your own child back! It may be, as pp suggested, a power struggle and your dd isn't blameless either. The key is that you are asking the school to help resolve the whole situation, not telling them to stop one child being mean to yours. Yours might give as good as she gets during the day, but the emotions spill out when she sees you!

Ask the teacher to keep an eye on them. Sometimes a one off situation can get a great response from a parent so that everyday a complaint is reported. Also I find a child who won’t immediately ‘share’, as in just got the bike/doll, is complained about as the child wants what they want immediately.

You need to be direct . Name the child . You may find there is another part to the story you don’t know but it is far easier to keep an eye on a potential issue you know about rather than not knowing

Thankyou all.

I think my next step is definitely to talk to the teacher. Those of you who said it may be a power struggle, you may be right. She is very bossy at home with her younger sister so this would not surprise me one bit! However, whether she is partly t blame or not, her and this other girl are clearly not getting along and it is making DD upset (and possibly the other girl too!), so I think speaking to the teachers is definitely the right thing to do. Just so they can monitor the situation.