I just need to vent, having been awake since 4.30am for the millionth time.
DS (13 months) has always been hard work and very demanding. He didn’t sleep through for ages and even now he wakes a couple of times when he’s lost his dummy and will wake between 4.30 and 5.30, screaming until he has his bottle. When he wakes in the night he sometimes goes straight back to sleep and sometimes will take a good hour to settle again, after which I’m usually wide awake and unable to settle myself.
Consequently I’m tired most of the time. I am a teacher so my job is demanding energy-wise, and we also have 5 year old DD.
Because I am on school hours and have the holidays, the school/childcare drop offs/pick ups fall to me, as does most of the associated admin and housework. DH does help by doing most of the cooking and will do the dishwasher or stick some washing on, but that’s all. He works long hours.
DS was walking at 10 months, so is a very confident explorer now. As soon as he is awake he is climbing onto chairs, toilet seats, DDs rocking horse. You can’t leave him for a single second. He won’t be distracted by toys or TV for any length of time. Getting everyone ready in the morning is a nightmare and by the time I get to work I already feel at the end of my tether.
It’s school holidays at the moment and I feel all I’m doing is saying ‘No! Get down! Sit down on the sofa! Not in your mouth! Don’t put that in the toilet!’ etc etc etc. He’s so hard to go anywhere with as he isn’t happy to be in the pushchair, but as soon as he’s out, he just makes straight for the nearest danger and then screams when I remove him. Weather isn’t helping! We’ve been to soft play, but he isn’t happy to play in the baby bit, and cries to get out and go in with the big kids, which of course isn’t safe for him as they’re all (quite rightly!) charging about. I just feel I’m constantly fighting him and he’s constantly frustrated.
In the midst of all this, poor DD tries so hard with him and loves him to bits, but she is also frustrated as she doesn’t get enough attention from me. She’s quite an emotional little soul and I feel bad as my patience is thin with her.
We don’t have family near enough to help much, my parents do what they can (mum is coming down to look after DS later in the week so that DD and I can go out somewhere) but they are 3/4 hour drive away so not ‘pop in’ distance. DHs are 5 hours away.
I’m just struggling to find the joy in anything at the moment and in dark moments am longing for the days when it was just the three of us, we were all so happy! Now DH and I bicker all the time, I’m knackered and miserable, neither DS or DD are very happy. Just 
.
I’m just plodding on hoping it will get better. It will, won’t it?!