At the end of my tether

[AllStar14]

I have one year old twins and I've had enough. They both cry all the time. It's not just if I leave the room, I could be in the same room and they'd cry because they both want to be picked up I can't stand this anymore. I feel like I hate them :-( I also have a 3 year old DD and she gets no attention anymore. I always think about how nice it would be if it was still just the two of us and I hate myself for it but I'm being honest, I wish I didn't have them sometimes. The DTs go to their dad's EOW and nursery two days a week while I work but still, the days in between are hell. I dread waking up as I know what the day will be like. I have to cook/clean/shower etc with them both screaming in the background the whole time. They don't sit and play like my DD did/does (they do at nursery though!) My stomach hurts with the stress of the sound of their cries when I'm rushing to get things done to make it stop.

Who do I contact and really what difference will it make? They can't give me the magic answer that will stop them being so demanding and clingy. I just need to know how long I have to wait until things improve. I feel stuck and have no way out of this. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it is there?

I have no experience with twins but I have nothing but admiration for anyone who raises them. I have one 4 month old who runs rings around my husband and I so I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have the two of them as well as your daughter.

I suspect that most parents are occasionally wistful for their pre-baby life, I know I am! It's hard work & repetitive so as much as I love my daughter, I do sometimes think about how much easier life was when I only had to worry about me! I don't think that makes you a bad person.

Do you have much help from family, anyone who could give you a few hours off for yourself? It might help you cope with the tough times. I've heard other posters on here talk about Home-Start, who have volunteers that can come in and help out a little. It might be worth looking into that.

As for not having enough time for your daughter, she had a couple of years off your undivided attention so I'm sure this had been an adjustment for her but she'll get used to sharing you. Maybe set aside a little time to do something special with her when the twins are with their dad? Or try and get her to help out with the twins, make it into some kind of game so she feels involved?

Hopefully someone will be along with more practical advice about coping with twins and clingy babies but I wanted to say I'm sure this won't last forever & that you're doing a great job x

Try the Twins and Multiple Births Association (TAMBA) - here is a link to their support page: www.tamba.org.uk/support-menu

They have a support phone line and a Helping Hands Scheme.

Also look at Home Start: www.home-start.org.uk

They are an organisation that operates all around the country and send in volunteers to families of pre-school children who find themselves struggling.

Don't despair - the scenario you describe will be familiar to many. x

Honestly, until my twins were about 15 months I was on the verge of a complete physical and mental breakdown. I found that stage so incredibly hard. One screeched constantly, at ear bleeding volume which would make the other cry in terror.

They are 18 months now, they’ve been sleeping better for a couple of months and although it’s still exhausting I am managing much better. They’re more interested in toys, usually less clingy although that goes through phases.

It won’t always be like this, I promise. Do you have homestart in your area? Mine don’t go to nursery and I have no family nearby so haven’t had a break yet, and I am pretty wiped out. Considering applying for some homestart help again (last time I tried they were over subscribed)

Also, rather than putting out tons of toys, I’m finding more success if I just give them two or three and rotate them every few days.

Thank you so much for your replies. I feel better, they are asleep and it's quiet! I will definitely look into home start, thanks for the links.

That's how I feel, on the verge of a breakdown. Unfortunately I don't have a huge amount of family that can help, I have my DB and SIL who are brilliant but have their own lives and DC. I know things will improve, they are 14 months and teething and just miserable, and I know it will pass but in the meantime I'm pulling my hair out.

I am glad I'm not the only one who misses life before children! :-)

I felt like I was on a hamster wheel and could never run fast enough to keep up. I find it comes in cycles - the exhaustion and stress and worry and crying etc build up and I fall apart for a day or two, and then I pick myself up and carry on.

I’ll also be honest - my boys didn’t really show much interest in me at all until they were about one. They spent a lot of time in nicu, I spent the first year suffering badly with PND and anxiety and didn’t hold them as much as I should have done. It felt wrong to leave one out so rather than taking it in turns I’d let them sit in their bouncers or play on the mat. I think it’s my fault they didn’t bond with me too well and so I hadn’t bonded with them too well either. They were the most important thing in the world to me but I wouldn’t say I was madly in love with them like every other Mum seems to be.

But the last few months are so much better. They actually want to cuddle me. They smile when they see me, I make them laugh, they have proper personalities coming through. They’re little people I can have a relationship with, not dependant lumps who don’t seem to care if I’m there or not.

Soon they will be little people who you have individual relationships with, just like your daughter. Having two is so different to having one in so many ways. Just hang in there x

Wow you sound like me but must be more extreme as you have two smaller ones!

I can relate to everything you say. My smallest is 12m next week and is very grumpy. I spend my whole time dealing with him and trying to placate him. I can't believe the 'second one just fits in' that people say as I have had the opposite experience!

I didn't enjoy the first year with my first and I knew I would struggle again this time. I vaguely remember it started to get less awful at 18m or so?!

I miss my old relationship with my first and I try to block any regret thoughts out as I'm sure one day it will all be worth it!

I work 4 days and that is my sanity. On my days 'off' I generally have them both on my own as DH is a shift working doctor and tends to work when I don't.

I do feel really lost and lonely with it all as I just am soooo bored dealing with my youngest.

I feel for you and one day you will look back and think - fair play I did that and it was flipping hard work...what a legend I am! :) xx