Worst Mum ever

[Mycrazyhead84]

Really struggling right now feeling so guilty that my son deserves a better mum. I’m always so moody and lose my temper quickly over silly things. This morning I got so angry and grabbed him so hard because he wouldn’t use the toilet. I’ve been in tears since I just feel so bad. I have another baby on the way and worry that I won’t be able to cope. My son is 4 and has been veg naughty recently. We get a bad report most days from pre school (hitting friends, not listening, being rude) I just feel like it’s my fault and I’m failing him but I don’t know what to do.

Have you contacted HomeStart? If you Google them you can find info. They support families and send an adult volunteer to help and encourage you. You sound overwhelmed

Don't worry too much about how you will cope with the baby as you won't be pregnant then so you won't feel so exhausted.

You are t the worst parent in the world. You are just finding it hard.

Have you any help?

Can you go out today. The weather is much better where I am.

Try to get into a routine where he plays for an hour in the morning, then you go out until lunchtime, then another play after lunch then you do something together. Play doh, board game etc. Then bath, PJs, TV, story, bed. I think it helps when you know what's coming and what to expect.

Have you acess to utube ? When I ferl overehelmed have a look at funny and serious overwhelmed mum for 5 mins a time and it will help you realise a lot of mum's feel and act like you but you are a very good mum 99% of the time. Ditto PP suggestion too.

It sounds as though you are tired, contact homestart or ask family friends for help and look to rebuild your relationship with your son. Twenty mins with lots of play and reinforcing positive behavior can turn it around

This is not supposed to sound judgmental OP so I hope you take it in the way I intend but I think you're right that there's a link between the way you're behaving and the way your son is. He is so little and will be learning everything from you. If you're anxious or aggressive in dealing with him, he will reflect that right back at you.

I think you need to pick your battles with him. Decide which ones you want to deal with. Hitting at nursery is a big issue which you need to tackle but sitting on the toilet is less so. I have no idea what happened before you grabbed him but with my 4 year old I do lots of talking, lots of explaining and lots and lots of praise. We have a marble jar in which positives are rewarded with a marble which can then be traded in for a treat when enough are collected.

Fundamentally though if you want to raise a kind child then you need to be kind to them. Shouting and aggression will come right back at you in some way or another.

I should mention that I’ve sufferered with depression and anxiety in the past and I’m being monitored throughout the pregnancy by a mental health nurse. I’m not sleeping past 3am and suffering badly with SPD. Currently on day 3 of not being able to walk. I just feel exhausted. I’m going to have a chat with my partner tonight as I think it may be time I go back on medication. I’m just not coping.

I see a lot of my mum in me when I get angry. She was always shouting and smacking us as kids. I was terrified of her and don’t want to be like her as a parent.

You need a rest OP.

Oh bless you you poor thing. You need some real life help. Well done for talking to your partner tonight.

If you haven't already apologise to your son and explain that you are tired and not feeling well. Give him a big hug. Children get that adults have bad days too.

I'm terrified of turning into my mum too op. Have you talked to GP about getting some talking therapy? Something like CBT might help control your emotions. You get prioritised I think if you have small children.

You need to inform your midwife/mental health nurse about what has happened as it can’t be allowed to happen again.
Is there anyone who could look after your son for a few days so you can rest and get started with medication?