I'm stuck in a rut with dd 10mo

[caseymoo]

Hi all
So my dd is 10 months old and I seem to be stuck in a routine rut. I feel my depression could be getting worse and I hate it, and I think it's because I'm stuck in this routine every day of sorting dd out. By the time I've sorted out her meals, bottles and naps I sometimes don't leave the house at all all day and it's really starting to get me down.

On the weekend if me and DH decide to do something that doesn't incorporate all these things whilst we are at home and go out for the day (even to a grandparents house) she won't nap and I find it stressful and then she's a nightmare at bedtime. She refuses to nap anywhere but her cot (very very occasionally in the pram if being walked) and I seem to spend my whole life doing things by the clock and getting stressed out by it, especially if she won't nap or won't take a bottle.

Also I have another baby on the way so will have 2 under 2, I'm really worried my depression is going to get significantly worse and that I just simply won't be able to leave the house with 2 routines to cope with.

Sorry for the ramble, please does anyone have any advice?

MyDD is 10 months to and will only nap in the cot.

She will nap in the pram car though...

What we do is if we’re going somewhere we’ll plan it round her naps... so if she’s due a nap we’ll jump in the car she’ll sleep and then wake up when we arrive somewhere...

Would you be able to do this?

Hi - my DD is also 10months and I have exactly the same issue! She has 2 1hr10 naps a day, one at 10am and one at 2.30. This means I can only go out between about 1130-2pm. Very restrictive! I’ve set up a room at my parents with a travel cot, sleepyhead, blackout curtains etc to make it like her room at home, and she does nap well there now. She won’t really nap properly in pram or car either.

DD is down to one bottle a day in the morning, which she takes 2oz from very reluctantly! I mix the rest with her porridge. She then has about 6oz mixed with baby rice before bed, as she just hates drinking it. Everything became much less stressful when I stopped trying to get her to take 3-4 bottles a day.

If it helps my routine is like this:

7am awake, 2oz
8.30 breakfast - porridge with 6oz, some toast
10.00 nap
11.10 awake, dressed etc
11.30 - head out somewhere
1.40 ish - lunch - Ella’s pouch, finger foods, yoghurt (might have it out, might come home)
2.30- nap
3.40- awake
Play etc
4.45 tea (same as lunch foods)
Play etc
6.45 baby rice with 6oz milk
7.00 bath, massage
7.30bed

I guess soon they will be going to one nap a day which should be a little easier! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Not much advice I'm afraid, only to say that you aren't alone.

My dd14 months will only nap in her cot at home, occasionally in the car but the naps are very short, never in the pram. She will not sleep at anyone else's house so we are at home everyday for her 9am nap and 130pm nap.

I am also expecting #2 any day now, and worry about having to work to 2 schedules and actually having a life inbetween.

I have learnt to enjoy the naps at home now they are predictable, but I can completely sympathise with the feelings of restrictiveness.

I followed a sort of soft routine when DS was little. It was called something like FARM- food, activity, rest, me. It basically meant you give them something to eat, stimulate them and then don't stimulate them, whether that's while they sleep or you benignly neglect them, while you do something you want or need to do.

It helped me to know what I needed to do next with/ for the baby but not to be tied to Gina Ford style clock watching. I had a bad napper and it helped to think of him needing low stimulation time rather than nap time as it took the pressure off getting him to sleep (and actually helped get him to sleep because we were both less stressed). TBH though, he's still a rubbish sleeper now at 7.

I would say set yourself a target of making it at least to the end of your road every day during 'me' time, just to get some vitamin D.

Bit older but my 13mo just fits around what me and his 2yo sister are doing! Always has done.

Routines sound very hard to me

Omg! What is the problem people if you only have 1 baby to look after on Mat leave!? Sorry to be insensitive and I know it’s all relative but I have to get my dogs and horses fed, 13mo and 2yo dressed, teeth brushed and out the door by 7.20 to get to work / nursery while DH away so I’m sure you can all actually manage to get out of the house at some point during the day!!!

It’s a tiny baby! Get on with it!

Nice response to someone worrying that their mental health is getting worse coffee

OP isn’t saying it’s too much of a rush, she’s saying she wants to make sure her DD is napping OK in the day and will only do this at home.

You don’t need to worry about following a routine / naps etc as your children are in nursery.

Yes it's very hard and like a Pp mine had the opposite problem and all I wanted to do was stay at home but had to be out and about because he was a lot more settled then - thinking about it that's still exactly what he's like now he's a lot older.

What I did find was that my second wasn't a new routine to add on to the first - and from being in a bad place mentally with the first having the second actually relaxed me a lot because I just couldn't even attempt to control it so I threw my hands up and went with the flow a lot more.

You are in a dark tunnel right now but there is an end and time will make it better, it may get worse before it gets better but it is very very hard - other people who breeze through it are not relevant to your experience and they dont know your baby so please give yourself some kindness.

Sympathies, my DS was like this at that age. It won't last forever - soon enough she'll drop to one nap and it'll be easier to get out.

What's her routine at the moment? Can you not just nip out between naps for a walk for whatever? How many bottles is she having?

Also will she nap in a travel cot? We used to take one with us when we visited grandparents for the day.

Same! Dd is 9 months and I have to go back to work next week!
She’s going to nursery every weekday morning 7:30-1pm and after having settling in sessions all this week I’ve realised quickly there is absolutely zero chance of her napping there.
Sorry no advice just wanted to say I’ve been exactly the same and have a moan, felt so restricted when I can go out these past few months it gets you down!

drunk’s advice is good!

When we go out it’s usually just round the supermarket, for a little walk with the dog etc. Nothing too exciting but it gets us out. Plus she loves sitting in a supermarket trolley!

The thing is drunk that's all well and good if you have a baby who's happy to be off routine and miss naps. DS was a nightmare without his naps. He still is aged 2!!

You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t when it comes to routine.

I’ve always been very very big on ‘she will work around me’ when it comes to naps and she has learnt to nap in prams and car seats etc. However, it is not as reliable as having a routine and sometimes naps don’t happen or don’t last long enough and I end up with a ratty angry baby. But for me that was the trade off to having freedom to go where I want when I want.

For baby number 2 could it be worth trying that sort of approach? So that you can try and have more freedom and feel more able to do things? I think the way you’ve done it is probably technically better for baby but you need to do what is right for you too.

And remember your first baby is gradually growing out of the age where naps are so important and scheduled!

Thank you everyone! (Except coffee)
So I have taken some of your advice today and sort of gone with the flow. I do a regular baby music group on a Friday morning which we went off to. Then afterwards I actually went to the cafe with some of the others! I nearly didn't because dd hadn't napped at all by then but I thought sod it, I'll go.
She was fine! Gave her some food and a little bit of drink and then when we went to leave she fell asleep in the pram so I decided to take a nice walk.
When we got home she played for a bit and then I gave her a bottle of milk (first one she actually drank of the day), played some more and now she's having another nap while I recharge.

I feel much better today after realising that actually I'm not the only Mum to feel like this, and to not stress about routines too much. She's had enough sleep today now that she should sleep ok tonight, so I think DH and I might go for a little trip tomorrow and see how that goes.

Thank you all again!