Can not cope alone. How do you do it??

[Cleo2628]

My partner is now going to be working away from home for a month. And then after that will be away Monday - Friday, only home on the weekends.

I am very grateful at how hard he works for our little family, don’t get me wrong. And I know people are single parents of multiple children which is a lot harder than I have it. I seriously respect and look up to you!!!

I have a 6 month old and can barely keep the house together with my DP around, absolutely panicking at the thought of him being gone for most of the week!! How do you do it? How do you cope?
Dinner times are what I find the most hard. And keeping the house in a general tidy-ish state. My baby is very clingy which I don’t mind of course but with just me I’m worried I’ll struggle.

Any advise welcomed. Thank you!

Also have an irrational fear of sleeping home alone (with baby) without anyone around. Find it really hard to get to sleep, I spook myself about someone breaking in! I need to grow a pair I think haha

My DH has just started working away quite a lot. I’ve got a 13 months old and a 2 yo. It’s actually not that bad at least I know I have to do everything so I don’t get annoyed at DH for not doing whatever I think he should be doing! It’s hard work though especially with 2 of them and I work / commute the days he’s away as well so it’s basically a long slog of a day from 6.30 until I finish everything at about 10!

I got freaked out the first few nights but I’ve got used to it now. It’s not ideal but it’s ok.. I feel do feel quite proud of myself for managing on my own!

I have 3 children aged 8, 6 and 2. My husband started a new job last year that had him away from home Monday morning till Friday night, although now he works from home a bit more so it's not so bad.

It does take a bit of getting used to, and I think that organisation is key. Try to get out and see other grown ups as much as you can!

Some things that helped me:
Have a plan to get out every day, get everything ready the night before so getting out the door is easier, including washing your hair the night before and breakfast things ready and the nappy bag re stocked
Get up and dressed before the baby wakes, get a wash on, then get the baby (unless they wake screaming if course!)
Go for a nap when the baby does or read for some down time in the day, don't just spend the time cleaning
Have friends visit you and if you can have maybe one night off planned in that time
Have your partner send videos for the baby to watch
Shop online and get a milk delivery sorted

It is hard but this too shall pass and doing it on your own does make you more confident in the long run to be able to handle things on your own.

Good luck x

Oh and batch cook before he goes, lots of mini portions in the freezer so you can pull them out.

Get a hip seat for the baby so you can cook one handed but obviously be careful around the cooker.

Cook sometimes during nap time so you can just warm it up.

You might find dinnertime easier with just you and your baby as you won't need to consider another adult, and so can just do whatever you need to to get you both fed. When DH is away I eat at 5 with DC and have easy food, the same as the DC have. We're all done by 5.30, minimal washing up, and I'm usually in bed by 8.30! It's when DH returns that's it's hard to adjust to.

There are a lot of plus points to this.
You will develop confidence, and coping and organising skills, you and your partner will not get bogged down in domesticity, but each weekend will be a romantic get together when you’ve missed each other all week.
If you’re not working, you can plan your own time around the baby. If you don’t fancy cooking, you don’t need to fix a meal for a hungry partner coming home from work, etc.
I was widowed with 2 babies still in nappies, and would have loved to have your luxury of a partner home every weekend! It took me years to face the awful fact that he was never coming home, and I would have to die to be reunited with him.
Don’t panic about how you’ll manage, take things week by week, don’t set impossible standards for your self - most homes with a young baby in are strewn with toys and the mum still in a dressing gown at lunchtime, nobody will be inspecting you and criticising!
Plan some social contact with other adults though - the baby is not going to provide any conversation or intellectual stimulation for you, however lovable. And you both need fresh air and a change of scene, even if that’s just a pram push to the shops or park.
I think you’ll soon get into a routine and wonder why you were ever worried about it. Good luck.

Thank you everyone for your replies! So so helpful. I feel better already ❤️

Babdoc you are incredibly brave & strong. I cannot even imagine the pain of being widowed, let alone with two little ones! What an inspiration you are.

And all you other strong mums out there doing it on your own! Sounds like you’re all doing amazing jobs.

My DH works in events so away a lot. First time he went DS was 5 weeks and at 4am I hadn't eaten tea, and was still in clothes and makeup from the day! Lesson learnt!

My tip is get changed into pjs, make up off etc after tea, so you can just get into bed when you need!

One thing which is positive is that it is a bit easier as there is less mess with less people in the house. Less washing up, less clothes to wash, less tidying etc. I'd recommend having a set pattern as to washing up etc, so I always do it once DS is in bed, so it's clear for the next day. I also tidy, repack change bag, make bottles, etc, so before I relax in the evening I'm all ready to go for the night and next day.

Make sure you have some time planned with friends etc as it can be a bit lonely if you don't see anyone else during the week, but don't plan too much!

If your little one doesn't sleep, work out how to make that easier. We co-slept, not our ideal but DS is a terrible sleeper and I couldn't do all the wake ups on my own with DH away, and when cosleeping at least we get sleep!

It's terrifying at first but you'll find your way, and settle into your own routine together pretty quickly, and it's great as it feels quite an achievement!

We've just had DS2, and DH hasn't been away yet, kind of dreading the first few weeks as we need to work out a new routine with two!!!

Good luck, hope it goes ok and you quickly settle into your new routine etc. x

I love my DH and enjoy the time we spend together but it is more work for me when he is around during the week. Adult meals have to be thought about prepared and cleaned up after, there is more cleaning and tidying to be done. There is more tv on that I don't want to watch. I. can't slope off to bed whenever I am tired even if it is crazy early. There is no space for DC in bed even if they are having an issue of some kind. There are clear pluses to having the house to your self.

My partner works away Monday-Friday also, I have a 17 month old It is much easier now the baby is older, when he was younger I'm not going to lie, there was a lot of crying involved I find it easier during the week usually, you just have to be organised and you find ways of getting things done. Only have yourself to cook for also so that's easier! Plus you know there's only you to do things so you don't waste time fannying around expecting someone else to help. My little one is a really good sleeper too, and easy to put to bed, which I put down to luck, but also because I had to try and get him in some sort of routine otherwise I'd have no time to eat/sleep/shower and would have gone mad without some time to myself in the evening. You'll manage!

First of all up to 6 months is just survival so if you have been feeling lost, like you are drowning, it is normal. So don't see it as an omen of things to come!

Practical tips.

• book some baby classes or at least plan at least one thing to do every day during the week.
• meal plan - thinking what to make to eat is such a stress. Make 2 weekly plans and just alternate them. It makes writing a shopping list easy!
• book home delivery or decide which day you will go shopping. It can be a good 'get out of the house' activity.
• bring baby round the house with you as you do quick cleans. My dd would happily lie / sit on bathroom floor playing with bath toys as I did a 5 minute clean.
• ditto Tupperware cupboard / pots and pans to clean kitchen.
• buy a hippychick hipseat- this was my lifesaver for the crazy hour when I was trying to cook. I could hold dd whilst cooking without wrecking my back.

Remember some days are always going to be shit. For whatever reason it is no-ones fault, it just goes like that sometimes.
My mantra on days like that 'all fed, no one dead, all is good!'

You will manage but I would echo some of the points made by others. Routine will be your friend; for us dishwasher is loaded at night, unloaded during breakfast, washing machine loaded in the morning, tumble dryer while baby naps and folded after bedtime.
It might be worth seeing if you can invest some time achieving some naps without your support so that you have a point in the day which is just yours. Adult company is important. As others have said at least you only have you and baby to please, no one will notice what you eat, when you go to bed and when you wake-be kind to yourself.

I've got two preschoolers and a husband who had always worked crazy hours/away.

Echoing other - organisation and routine keep things ticking along. Have an activity to get you out each day, even if the activity is 'going for a walk and a coffee'.

I still do a lot in the hour my two 'rest' over lunchtime and once they're in bed.

I would like to add get a jumperoo I put mine in that while I ate my evening meal. Dinner for me was a ready meal as I just didn't have time to cook.