Hi, It's a long one sorry..
I have 2 boys 8 (not biologically my ex's but brought up from tiny) and 6 (ex's) we have been separated 5 years and things are terrible still.
I left him for good reason of which is too long to go into. He is supposed to have the children every other weekend Friday (pick up from school ) - Sunday tea time. Hes never once picked them up from school always a new excuse or reason not to be there on time. (he works nights so is free in the day). He does less and less as time goes by, he doesn't come to parents evenings. My oldest has special needs hes stopped coming to SEN app's etc, he doesn't even ask about progress or anything anymore.
Other than the fact he lets them down and doesnt do much with them anymore and breaks promises i know all that is different parenting and not much i can do. I've given up trying to tell him they want him to do more with them etc etc.
My main issue is i just cant handle his BS anymore. Hes vile, nasty, agressive, he makes threats. It's impossible for me to speak to him we cannot co-parent at all. He can't be told / questioned. I've involved the police a number of times due to threats of violence to me, my partner, my car etc. He does this in front of the kids. When were on the phone he will swear for the kids to hear he will speak to the kids and speak to them indirectly at me knowing i will come take the phone. But if i don't let them speak to him they resent me.
I've suggested mediation, he refused and laughed at me. I've suggested court but i cannot afford it and can't get any help with that.
I've thought of a non-mol order but he has to collect them from my house there is nobody to do a hand over my end - he hates my partner and threatens him so i don't want to do that (he lives a hour away)
Every time the kids end up crying and i haven't got any fight left in me. Hes supposed to have them 3 weeks out of the 10 annual weeks holidays they get a year and thinks he should pay his maintenance on those weeks (6 nights he has them not 7 ) which wouldn't bother me however, he doesn't have them ! they are passed between his mother, partner and Aunt. Hes never taken any time off with them. In addition if he doesn't want to pay (especially Xmas time) he just doesn't. But he knows there's nothing i can do about it as biologically the eldest isn't his but he tells me he will take him from me.
Where would we even stand in court when it comes to the eldest (no father on birth certificate)
His partner is expecting and he refuses to have them (his weekend ) before her due date (1st child chances of it happening 4 days early are slim) however i have him a million options if something did happen (even though i know his mum round the corner would collect them ) my dad, sister and 3 at least of his best friends would get them. My partner would drive down and collect them. (i think its all down to me been on holiday for a weekend with my best friend. The point is if he doesn't want them on his weekends he just drops them or tells me hes got plans but i have to plan things well in advance and with military precision and he still screws me over.
I've told him to disappear and fight in court but would i be doing the right thing stopping him from seeing them in the interim or would jst make it worse. I just don't know what to do anymore I've exhausted every kind of approach with him. he hates me (maybe hes bitter i moved back to my home town still ) or maybe he is still bitter i left him i don't know but he hates me he even tells the kids. I just cant live like this anymore. Its toxic and the kids don't deserve this.